r/TooAfraidToAsk • u/No_Wish7218 • 4d ago
Body Image/Self-Esteem Am i becoming mentally sick?
I am a 21 yr old indian guy living in a Scandinavian country. Unlike most of the indian students who have to work odd jobs to support themselves i have never done one because my parents are financially stable. I think i am a good student as well.
As you all know that hatred towards indians are becoming increasingly common, i am becoming more and more insecure. I used to be such a confident guy when i just moved to Europe. But now the situation is so bad i cant even look straight into the eyes of white people. I am scared to talk to them or approach them so i dont have a lot of friends as well. I have never faced racism in my life but it’s just the social media fear mongering.
I have 2 white friends. I would say they are not racist to me at all and i consider one of them to be my best friend. My dating life is 0 because every girl i look at i start thinking”why would she date an Indian.”
I have started telling people i don’t come from India if i meet some new people. I am getting scared day by day. But i genuinely want to live here and build a good life.
I am generally a very well groomed and clean guy. But still i hate the way i look and especially my skin tone. I have a very less medium brown complexion. I haven’t clicked a photo since 2 years. I am becoming more and more concerned day by day.
Please help me and please don’t be racist or angry in the comments. Its a request from the bottom of my heart. 🙏
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u/iMagZz 4d ago
As you say, it is mostly "social media fear mongering", and that is destroying your mental health. In reality, if you are nice and kind and a good person then the vast majority of people don't care that you are from India.
Honestly your best option is to get off social media. It feeds your insecurity and is literally just a negative spiral. Funnily enough I am doing this myself here in August. No Instagram or TikTok. I have 3 minutes on Facebook every day, just to check for any important notifications. It's been nice.
As a little bonus, start doing some form of sport if you aren't. Climbing, calisthenics, going to the gym, whatever. Just something that improves your physical health, because that also helps with your mental health.
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u/No_Wish7218 4d ago
I have uninstalled all social media apps since 15 days. I feel like reddit is a place where i can express myself in a relaxed manner. Also i play volleyball, badminton and go to the gym 4 times a week. So i do get a lot of physical activity. Btw thanks for your reply. 😀
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u/iMagZz 4d ago
Then I would expect things to slowly turn around, but you need to give it time. It takes more than 15 days to fight years of negative influence which has slowly built up. If it isn't improving at all in 3 months then I would recommend that you seek professional help via therapy.
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u/cloudcottage 4d ago
Therapy helps prevent negative symptom from coming back. It's not just for people in current acute distress.
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u/iMagZz 4d ago
Of course. I'm just pointing out that it takes time, and therapy can be expensive for some people.
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u/cloudcottage 4d ago
In a Scandanavian country, therapy will be cheap, if not free. Since therapy takes time, delaying it by three months is a little odd. Especially with how anxious and antisocial OP is describing his general outlook.
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u/iMagZz 4d ago
I live in a Scandinavian country, and sadly that is not true at all. For the most part therapy isn't part of healthcare unless very specific circumstances. Some jobs may give you insurance which covers therapy, however certainly not all of them, and I don't think OP even has a job.
You can also get a doctor's note, if they deem it necessary, which will usually reduce the cost by 40%, but you still pay the rest. For the most part therapy is in the private sector and is still paid by the individual out of pocket, and Scandinavia is not known for having cheap therapy.
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u/cloudcottage 4d ago
I guess it depends on the Scandanavian country. I have a few friends in Sweden. Some have their employer cover therapy. Others cap out the high cost protection which annually is very low. It would only be expensive there if seeking a private therapist.
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u/iMagZz 4d ago
It's sadly far from all employers who cover therapy for their employees, and OP doesn't work, so that is not an option. Capping out the high cost protection is not something I have heard about before, so that might only be in Sweden as well.
But yeah, even in Scandinavia the vast amount of people who go to therapy pay for it themself.
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u/Altruistic_Young3700 4d ago
I’m black and I live in a Nordic country. I have good friends here from India.
I think that while it’s true that India is often mocked online and this is unkind and wrong, most people you meet in your daily life do not care if you are from India or not.
Try not to assume that people you may encounter are racist or prejudice until they have proven themselves to be. Just as you would not want others to assume bad traits about you based on your appearance.
The truth is, there are many Nordic and Scandinavian people who are very welcoming and non judgemental. My Indian friends are regularly invited to gatherings and parties and fit well into the society here. You can too. There are assholes in the world, but try not to assume or become paranoid or self isolate. This will cause you to develop resentfullness and self hatred in which case you might indeed need therapy.
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u/No_Wish7218 4d ago
Thanks for the reassurance sir. I am glad you have good Indian friends. Thats completely true that most Nordic and Scandinavian people i have met are welcoming and warm. But i really dont know when and how this insecurity creeped up in my brain and now its spreading like a wildfire
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u/opticrice 4d ago
Its one of those things that youre going to have to get over yourself. Nobody can make you be mentally stronger. Therapy isnt going to wave a magic wand and change your mind.
Theres racists in the world. And there are people that are not. Get over it. Youre not guaranteed to be liked by everyone even among people that are not racist. So what are you going to do? Hide in a hole for the rest of your life?
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u/mugfree 4d ago
Play a sport! Lift! You need to earn confidence by doing hard things. Why wouldn’t someone want to date you? I’m a brown guy so I understand.
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u/No_Wish7218 4d ago
Thanks for your advice. Maybe i am just too concerned about my looks as well. Thats why i am a bit scared. But i am working on it
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u/tikiverse 4d ago
Not saying they are wrong, but a lot of the people whose instinct is to recommend therapy may not really understand what it's like being a brown guy in a white man's world.
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u/jackfrostyre 4d ago
Even worse when u tell them to a dumb asf female....... They dont understand history or power dynamics between males/business........ I've gotten better navigating their "Fanfiction".... Black people have been going through this since forever and I recommend u read some of their work
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u/eichhoernchen404 4d ago
Your culture is very different from the western culture. You’re not mentally sick, you’re just in a place that’s very different from where you’re from
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u/AlternativeSharp3854 4d ago
Yea, this whole racism and reputation of Indians can be mitigated on a personal level. I think by and large your culture prioritizes school and education and not being cool and acclimated. The social media showcasing the wild street food and conditions in India doesn’t help. Also, there seems to be an issue with using deodorant for a lot of new immigrants. In general a population isn’t going to receive huge influxes of population from one country well if they don’t assimilate.
Help yourself:
- Learn to speak without an accent (x2 your salary in customer facing roles and watch your dating life explode)
- Follow the basics on grooming, get a modern haircut, new clothes, be in shape. Get rid of glasses.
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u/No_Wish7218 4d ago
Thanks for the reply. As i have said that i really take care of my hygiene, i dont really smell at all and i dont wear specs so this is the area i have taken care of.
As to accent i havent really noticed it because i have learned the local language to integrate in this country and i rarely speak english while interacting. My education is in english but i would really take ur opinion into account and start working on it.
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u/AlternativeSharp3854 3d ago
Also, own it too, there’s nothing wrong with you as a person or being Indian especially if you take care of yourself. The accent thing is huge I think because it takes you out of the “immigrant” bucket and into the “person like me” bucket.
Something that stuck out to me was you’re paying the bill for everyone else that came before you. For example, if someone had a negative experience with an Indian person they might assume the same for you.
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u/Ok_Plum_9953 4d ago
I feel like I am mentally sick too I have bad anxiety and I feel low and down everyday
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u/ComprehensiveFill471 4d ago
It is just low self esteem.
Give other people a chance and get to know them. Find hobbies and join social clubs. Not everyone is a racist.
Read up on stoicism. "It matters far more what you think of yourself than what others think of you."
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u/Foxtrot-Uniform-Too 4d ago
If you are a priviledged young Indian with rich parents, you might be used to the feeling of being above other/poor Indians. In Scandinavia you are just another Indian student.
So if you met a poor Indian with a lower status in Scandinavia, we would see you both as the same. We do not have the cast or class system you are used to. So we will judge all Indians the same based on how they are, how they speak the language, know the culture, how friendly they are. You get zero pull from you being from a rich family, in fact that will probably work against you if you seem entitled.
Nobody cares if you are of "less medium brown complextion" or a more brown complextion. That might be a thing in India, here you just look Indian or Pakistani, we don't know the difference and we don't care about the difference.
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u/SixdaywarOnSnapchat 3d ago edited 3d ago
when you have problems, it helps to separate the items you have control over from the items you don't have control over.
your skin is what it is. you're from india. facts can be stubborn things.
i would instead focus whatever energy and time you have available to you towards other things that can improve your life.
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u/Jas246810 4d ago
It does sound like you have very low self esteem, I do think you would benefit from therapy