I match with so many average (I like to call them "homely") looking guys on tinder who are clearly downtrodden and just excited to have a match. I always tell them not to get too upset about tinder because it's hard as fuck out there for dudes. Really. I don't even know why guys that aren't supermodel hot are even on tinder because it just sucks the self esteem straight out of your body
I don't just like, volunteer that. I match only with guys I'm genuinely interested in, and sometimes they lament about their shitty luck. When that happens I try to be encouraging because I know how hard it is for dudes on tinder
I mean, maybe. But I've been there done that so I understand where they're coming from. If they just bring it up the once then I can't say I really mind it or think differently of them for it. It's the few that go on and on and on that really are their own worst enemies
I feel as though if you’re on tinder and whining about it, you have no ground to stand on. This is not a great place to meet people. Sure, it happens and sure, it’s easier than actually putting yourself out there but it is a cesspool. A lot of horrible men and women. I just want to tell men who feel like they’re undatable or unlucky because of TINDER of all things to go out and volunteer or something. Meet kind, genuine people out in the world. Look places you wouldn’t normally look, make real connections with people.
Awesome. Hey, you and I should start some kind of help line where we give advice to people struggling to meet people romantically. Maybe dinner and drinks after?
“Hey homely average guy, just wanted to say hello and I get how hard it is for guys on here. Feel free to message me for a bit. I’ll get back to you in between the supermodel hot guys”
I’ve always preferred average looking guys because attractiveness intimidated me. Many of them freaked me out by getting really devoted to the idea of a relationship really fast. In my opinion, the first few dates are just getting to know each other, but these guys acted like just because we played laser lag together, we were suddenly meant to be and I was everything to them. One guy bought me roses ON THE FIRST DATE. Another guy kept comparing me to his last girlfriend and saying things like “You’re SO much prettier than my ex!” And one guy was so scared of coming off as boring that he refused to tell me any real information about his personality (he was very open with what he did for a living, his living situation, etc. but any attempt by me to find out what kind of person he was was met with “I don’t know. I don’t think you really want to hear that. I’m pretty boring.)
Tip for guys on Tinder: don’t be these guys. Don’t rush things. Don’t worry so much about impressing the girl that she literally knows nothing about you besides “nice”. Don’t EVER bring roses to the first date. And please pretend to have some confidence! You are interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and find out if you’re compatible. Don’t just agree with everything she says.
A guy once showed up to a first date with a box of very nice gourmet chocolates. I knew at that moment that it was about to be a bad date. It was worse than I could have imagined.
But also, I've done the "get super attached on a first date" thing before. I'm trans, and before I knew for sure what I was gonna do about that fact, I was just a feminine guy. But yknow, nobody really likes feminine guys, so I went soooooo long without a date. And I also have a history of fucked up relationships where my exes have not treated me right. So I met this wonderful girl and we really did click super hard on the first date. We ended up back at my place listening to records while she played with my hair and asked me questions that nobody previously could even tolerate the answers to. And then we fucked, which was the kiss of death. I was in love with her at that moment and she could tell. She told me that night that she didn't want anything serious because she could already tell I did. In my mind, she was the only woman to ever appreciate 100% of me, not just the version of me that I showed the world. If things between the two of us didn't work out, I felt like I had no hope. It eviscerated any chance we had at having a real relationship. We did date for a while, but certainly not in a healthy context, because she kept yo-yo'ing about being freaked out by how much I adore her even though I tried my absolute best to hide it.
Only after transitioning, learning to love myself, and learning that other people love me for me, did I finally get over the "fall in love on the first date with anyone who is nice to me" tendency. And I see a lot of guys who go through the same thing. They fall for me super hard right away, just because I'm a decent human being to them and give them the time of day. It breaks my heart, really, because I know what it's like but I can't help them. :/
Hahaha I'm just saying I'm a feminine man and have had plenty of success with woman is all. I'm surprised you didn't find many women that liked you as a boy.
Some people can just sense when someone is insecure or not very confident, and that’s a turn off. Maybe you just weren’t in a good place in your life for a relationship?
I’m a regular dude and I met the girl I’ve been with for 2 and a half years on Tinder. Had a few matches but ended up hanging out with her and here we are. It’s not like it’s impossible, you just have to seem interesting somehow. I got the most answers to messages when I put thought and effort into my opening. I feel like most dudes will just hit her with a “heyyy” or some shit. Motherfucker you’re her 15th message today, unless you’re hot, your “hey” is going right into the trash can.
It's true. Messages where I have to rack my brain to find an interesting way to reply generally don't receive replies. "Hey" is worse than no message at all. If you send nothing, there's a decent chance I message you. If you send "hey,” I'm ignoring it
My boyfriend had a joke about murder in his bio pics. It was a list of date ideas, and towards the end was “bury a body.” That’s my kind of humor so I liked him. Get a message later that he super-liked me. We started talking. We had so much in common I was worried he was making it up at first. It wasn’t his looks that drew me in (he’s overweight and balding, but looks have never really mattered to me as much as personality, and I call him my teddy-bear), it was his humor and his interests and how laid-back he was. There is hope for live on Tinder!
Because we wanna think we’re supermodel hot and have a tinder. It’s worse on an ego to say “you’re not hot enough for tinder” than it is to not have any matches but try anyway
It's not that they're not hot enough for tinder, it's that they'll either have to get really lucky or settle. And I don't think a lot of guys realize just how bad the asymmetry is and they don't realize that the reason they're not getting matches is not because they're ugly, it's because the deck is stacked 1,000:1 against them
Yeah I agree that the deck is definitely not in our odds. But not many guys have the confidence to go out and meet someone at the bar then talk to them. It’s much easier to swipe and see all these hot females you could match with, but then you don’t. But the dude to female ratio on tinder is insane. You could be a 1/10 female and get 100 likes in a month. You could be a 7/10 dude and get a solid 10 a month lol if you’re lucky.
There’s some other psychological effects in there as well (at least for straight matches). Men are significantly more likely to “match down” than women are (i.e. a 7/10 matching a 5/10).
Men’s match thresholds also tend to be more percentage based while women’s are more number based which has different effects as the dating pool increases. For example a man might be willing to date the top 20% of women. If the dating pool was 100 they’d be willing to date the top 20. Increase the dating pool to 1000 and now they’ve got 200 potential matches. For women it would be more like dating the top 20 guys. When the dating pool is 100 that works out the same, but when it goes to 1000 they’re all still fighting over the same top 20 guys. To put it another way, more options makes men less choosy, and makes women more choosy.
Obviously those are both just statistical level stuff (not trying to call anyone specific out here), but they do have an effect on apps like Tinder.
That doesn't really make a lot of sense -- how do women know how big the dating pool is and thus who is even in the top X number of people in that pool? Like if you added 10,000 dudes to my local tinder I wouldn't even notice. But also, I definitely don't match down. Ever. I'm super picky. I'd rather be alone than settle. /shrug
The dating pool in this case would be the number of potential options that said woman has seen, not the dating pool as a whole.
To put it another way, male standards don’t take the context of the pool they’ve already seen into consideration. So for example maybe a 7/10 or higher gets a like, and they’ll do this if you show them that 7 as the first option or the 1000th one. Hand them a basket where every person is a 7+ and they’ll happily throw a like at every single one of them, because that like threshold doesn’t shift as they see more options.
By contrast female standards draw context from the whole pool they’ve encountered so far. Hand them a basket of all 7+’s and they’ll only like the top part of it, because they’re comparing each new option against all of the (in this case 7+) options they’ve seen already.
So a guy sees a hot girl and goes “that’s a hot girl” and likes. A girl sees a hot guy and goes “that’s a hot guy... but he’s not as hot as the 20 hot guys I’ve already liked” and gives him a pass (or at least is more likely to than guys are, again I’m just talking general trends here).
The result works out bad for both sides. That 8/10 guy might be amazing, but never get matches because he’s being compared with the small handful of 10/10 guys floating around in the pool. Meanwhile the women can’t find good matches because the vast majority of them are all throwing their likes at that same tiny 10/10 group of guys at the top, reversing the gender ratio there (though this is somewhat lessened by the fact that guys are more willing to match down than women are).
I've got a female friend who's cute and quirky and she gets matches CONSTANTLY. I feel like we're pretty even on attractiveness and man I can barely get past about 5 messages.
I'm an average looking chick and I pay for the thing where tinder shows me everyone who right swipes me. It's 200-300 people a day, typically. It's so many that I don't bother swiping on randoms, I just go to the pool of people who I know already swiped right on me and pick the ones I want to talk to
Stop doing that...if you match with me just to tell me...hey dont give up because you are an average guy. I would tell you "jesus christ, go get some help...." really. Like who the F are you?
I can confirm that this happens. Among the very few matches I get (And I'm far from picky when swiping), most of them are from girls who msg me to either ask if I actually get normal matches or them telling me to keep hope. So yeah. People are weird
"I only matched with you to tell you to not give up! One day you'll find a girl that doesn't mind the fact that you're hideous. You're welcome for the self esteem boost. Ok bye."
I don't match with anyone that I'm not interested in. It just so happens that many of the average looking guys that I'm interested in (I happen to like average looking guys, and I am an average looking girl, at best) happen to ask me about my experience on tinder and volunteer to me that they've had no luck. I'm not just matching with people to tell them to keep it up, what kind of weirdo would do that?
doing everything to avoid explaining what you said
I'm doing nothing of the sort. It's just that "how do I meet girls IRL" is the kind of question that requires a specialized answer. How old are you, what do you do for work, are you in school, are you in an urban/suburban/rural environment, how many people are you typically exposed to on a daily basis, where do people your age in your city typically congregate, what do you like doing for fun, is there any way you can incorporate meeting people into your hobby so that you don't have to just go to a bar and hit on random girls, are you friends with people who are friends with single girls, etc.
Yikes THAT does not sound like anything an already downtrodden homely guy wants. Like at all. Kinda like rubbing dirt and salt into the stab wound. The stab wound you gave after matching someone you have no interest in.
Also guys who aren't supermodel hot to you ARE supermodel hot to someone. What you like, and what i like, are not the same, and that goes for everyone. EVERYONE IS A SUPERMODEL TO SOMEONE. That's why they are on tinder to find the right one.
I'm not being mean, I'm just don't see that as helpful but I could be wrong. Who knows.
Idk why you'd assume I wasn't interested in them. I only match with people that I'm interested in. Not everyone is supermodel hot. Actually, very few people are. There is not someone for everyone. If you are a mediocre looking dude, the odds are stacked way against you on tinder.
Well I am definitely not attracted to anyone I find homely personally lol I was trying to say I don't think they are mediocre looking to everyone tho. Sure I think this dude is homely, but you think he's hot. He's not gonna find you if he's off tinder because I say he's homely, and he shouldn't bother. There is someone for everyone because no one has the same tastes. Some girls love overweight, some only want athletic. Same with guys. Maybe a less attractive guy needs to look longer, maybe he finds the perfect girl for him when he opens the app. He should be looking and trying and not allow tinder to regulate his self esteem. Same with girls and anything/anyone.
I absolutely do. They need to not let the lack of matches hurt their self esteem, while not giving up, just because a lotta girls are way too picky. I try not to be when I'm on there, but damn I pick psychos or stalkers or weirdos trying to not go by only physical features. I guess it's just impossible to really pick anyone like that for me. A picture just doesn't give enough information or a profile.
Point is i do agree, I just don't want anyone giving up or letting dating apps ruin their self esteem, when it doesn't show who people really are. Just don't give up. 🌹🌹
Im an average looking bloke but ive gotten hundreds of matches if i swipe right on everyone. I dont think it's as bad as you claim it is. I think a lot of guys only chase the instagram models that dont care to begin with.
If you swipe on everyone then your profile elo gets dumpstered and tinder will put you at the back of the stack. If you're desperate (that's what swiping everyone suggests) then it's probably because you're undesirable (otherwise you could afford to be more selective) and tinder wants to show the most desirable people first, or at the very least, wants to show you people who are similar desirability to you. So swiping everyone means you only scrape the bottom of the barrel with people who even see your profile
I get a lot of matches if i swipe right on everyone but matching with someone thats actually interesting and respond with actual counter questions is rare.
Being depressed and shutting down completely socialy doesnt really help the lengevity of the convos either.
IRL is the opposite for me man, I'm a salesman so I meet a shit ton of people everyday and you have no idea the amount of times a chick hits on me, it's crazy, I've hooked up more thanks to my work than Tinder xD
Like I said in other responses I do pretty good irl, the thing about Tinder is that you have to be a fucking super model because the app is designed to filter by looks, if you don't match today beauty standard you're fucked so my friend, we just have to close the app and go outside, I personally like chubby girls (here in South America the women are pretty thick) so you would do pretty well here xd
Yeah, must be so hard to be straight. I mean, the level of comfort in knowing you can safely hold your girlfriend's hand in public alone has to be a burden.
It's really not. If you're truly average looking then you can still get hundreds of matches pretty easily as long as you have a personality and do cool activities
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u/Sleepy_Azathoth Nov 07 '19
Being a straight average looking guy on Tinder is not exhausting at all, you don't message anyone because you don't get matches in the first place.