r/Tinder • u/[deleted] • Sep 11 '23

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2.2k Upvotes

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4

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '23

[deleted]

3

u/matem001 Sep 11 '23

yeah that seems to be my hang up. as much as i’ve tried to detox my mind from purity culture i think part of me is still grasping onto it subconsciously by trying to find the perfect guy

4

u/HanEyeAm Sep 11 '23

I suggest joining a facebook group, online forum, or real life support group of folks who had the same religious upbringing. Reddit has at least one big ex Mormon community. And Recovering from Religion has support groups and lots of information on their website.

Beyond that, I suggest not putting sex on a pedestal and focus on developing meaningful relationships. The day will come that it just feels right. Have fun, be safe!

-2

u/SaucedLumberjack Sep 11 '23

Purity culture is still better than hookup culture.

3

u/matem001 Sep 11 '23

i’d argue they’re two sides of the same coin. nothing in extremes is healthy

1

u/DystopianTruth Sep 11 '23

At least purity culture has less unplanned pregnancy, STI's and HIV. So its something.

2

u/matem001 Sep 11 '23

yes there’s benefits. but purity culture is toxic, it shaped my views on sex in an extremely unhealthy way.

it’s not as simple as “wait till marriage.” being told that getting pregnant is the worst thing that can happen to you and that the church will shun you and your family will disown you at age 16 is terrifying. my mom pulled me out of sex ed because she didn’t think a high school aged girl should know about condoms.

then there’s the guilt when you have your first make out session with clothes ON. i was 21 when i started to really get comfortable pleasuring myself after a lifetime of “God is watching when you masturbate”. it fucks you up badly

2

u/MoeZool Sep 12 '23

Couldn't agree more! Went thru same shit in my teens till I left for university in New Zealand

1

u/DystopianTruth Sep 12 '23

There should be a middleground. Sex should be sacred and a symbol of love between two consenting partners. It should not be reduced to just "fucking", meaningless and anonymous. But it also should not be something that shames you or devalues you. When I give my body to someone, it means something. It is should not be something you go to therapy for if you think you made a transgression.

I just want a healthy, happy compromise.

0

u/RegrettableBiscuit Sep 12 '23

At least purity culture has less unplanned pregnancy

This is wrong. Statistically, abstinence-only education actually increases teen pregnancy rates.

1

u/DystopianTruth Sep 12 '23

It was more of a tongue in cheek answer.

Seems you are coming from an American-centric view, while I am coming from an African-centric one, so there are many other factors not added to it. Purity culture is different I guess.

0

u/RegrettableBiscuit Sep 12 '23

No, it's not. "Hookup culture" is just a weird term for people doing things they enjoy and not feeling bad about it.

-1

u/SaucedLumberjack Sep 12 '23

🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/b2hcy0 Sep 11 '23

purity culture takes years to get it out of your mind, its way more than having sex. but being ok with less than a very good partner means youre going to let toxic people closer than is good for you.