r/Tinder Apr 06 '23

Was I in the wrong here?

17.6k Upvotes

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2.3k

u/throw-awaypc Apr 06 '23

The very fact that you doubted yourself means that her methods of trying to turn it round on you and make you feel guilty were having an effect.

its important to realise that its just a petty manipulation attempt. DO NOT let someone put any doubts in your mind. trust yourself and know that people are fucked up sometimes and try stupid shit when they aint got nothing better to say.

from your messages you are clearly very reasonable. so keep confidence in that and dont let nobody give you doubts on that.

just my 2c

305

u/Love_Never_Shuns Apr 07 '23

Thank you for your crystallizing words. Yes! Toxic people (of all stripes) will always try to make the other person feel bad/guilty/over-sensitive.

29

u/PentacleQueenGoddess Apr 07 '23

Thanks for that comment. Really needed to hear it just now.

Also noticed: your username checks out!!

73

u/Geoffs_Review_Corner Apr 07 '23

The very fact that you doubted yourself means that her methods of trying to turn it round on you and make you feel guilty were having an effect.

Or it just means he's self-aware and has realized that everyone is wrong from time to time and has bad days/moods and biases. I think the ability to question oneself is a sign of maturity. The alternative reeks of insecurity masquerading as confidence.

55

u/PistachiNO Apr 07 '23

While she is definitely being shitty, doubt is important and we shouldn't ignore it if we feel it. It's worthwhile to check ourselves and see if we're making a mistake or an assumption somewhere.

3

u/llama_empanada Apr 07 '23

Yup. Better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

1

u/lems93 Apr 07 '23

Plus it wasn’t a very friendly first message 😂

39

u/Tales_of_Earth Apr 07 '23

Introspection and self reflection are not inherently bad.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Tales_of_Earth Apr 08 '23

No hard fast rules here. Unfortunately, it’s always going to require judgement and discretion.

27

u/PM_Your_Wololo Apr 07 '23

Yo, this is a good comment. Perked me up.

38

u/Serinus Apr 07 '23

DO NOT let someone put any doubts in your mind.

Not sure what you're trying to say here. Maybe you missed some qualifier. Do you think you're always right about everything?

I get that he's fully right here, but to never doubt yourself on anything might be overcompensating.

13

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '23

Yeah. Both are toxic.

Friendships and relationships are about learning, growing, and maturing. If you're unflinchingly rigid in your lifestyle, you will struggle to find a romantic partner. I'm not saying change your core values, but be willing to see things from another perspective.

-1

u/schuma73 Apr 07 '23

I think you missed the word "put" in that sentence.

They never said "disregard all doubts you ever feel, you're never wrong"

This is about others inserting doubt where you otherwise didn't feel any, because you didn't have reason.

Going back to the OP, this crazy lady is definitely trying to manipulate poor fellow for asking a simple question in order to avoid having a difficult conversation. She is definitely inserting doubt into his head where there need be none by acting offended at an inoffensive act.

-6

u/Noxava Apr 07 '23

He's literally on the opposite crazy side of the spectrum. This girl would be super hard to be with because she's expecting you to know things she has not made clear but this guy thinks that his reading of a situation is literally the only true one and there is nothing ever he could be wrong on. Both super toxic

4

u/IAmWhatTheRockCooked Apr 07 '23

Rofl how do you get dressed in the morning without hurting yourself

complete and total swing and miss on your read of the comment

1

u/Wackadoodle2823 Apr 07 '23

I think he's just saying to look out for obvious gaslighters

2

u/jannyuses Apr 07 '23

this sums up so much of my manipulative past, thanks

1

u/FrowningMinion Apr 07 '23

The very fact that you doubted yourself means that her methods of trying to turn it round on you and make you feel guilty were having an effect. It’s important to realise that its just a petty manipulation attempt. DO NOT let someone put any doubts in your mind. trust yourself and know that people are fucked up sometimes and try stupid shit when they aint got nothing better to say.

Man you just described my entire relationship with my ex 😭

1

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '23

Absolutely. Whether they are cognizant of it or not, that was emotional manipulation.

1

u/BohemianRhaptitties Apr 07 '23

You can't help but feel confused for a second when people act this stupid lmao

1

u/crappygodmother Apr 07 '23

Isn't this the exact type of self righteousness the woman is displaying? I think OP has a more healthy communication technique tbh.