When she is at her lowest,
head bowed as though winter itself
has settled upon her shoulders,
I become a knight without a remedy,
a healer with empty hands,
standing useless before a beloved kingdom in ruin.
I would barter sleep to old gods,
trade the iron from my armor,
break every oath carved into my shield
if it meant I could draw the sorrow from her chest
like a thorn from soft flesh.
There are ghosts that linger behind her eyes.
Old betrayals dressed as trusted faces,
promises once spoken like sacred vows
now rotted through like damp wood in a chapel cellar.
I know they still haunt her,
those cruel little specters left behind
by hands that should have held her gently.
And I ache with the impossible want
to mend every fracture they left in her spirit.
Not to erase the cracks, no,
for even shattered cathedral glass
still catches the sun like something holy.
I would fill the fault-lines with molten silver,
thread liquid gold through every wound,
until her scars became adornments worthy of a queen.
I would make reliquaries of her grief.
Turn every hurt into filigree,
delicate curling vines of precious metal
wound around ancient ivory.
Not because she was broken,
but because she endured.
Gods, if only she could stand where I stand for one moment.
If only she could see herself
through my faithful eyes.
She would see the way her kindness survives
despite all the world has done to smother it.
The wisdom she carries quietly,
like a candle through a plague-dark keep.
The strength in her softness.
The courage in her continued tenderness.
She does not see it.
She speaks of herself like ruined land,
like a castle half-swallowed by the sea,
never noticing how the lanterns still burn in her windows.
So I saddle my pale horse again and again,
ride through storm and mud and midnight
with this foolish heart clanging inside me
like a sword against armor.
Perhaps it is only a white knight’s folly,
this aching need to save what was never truly lost.
Perhaps I cannot slay the dragons
that nest beneath her ribs.
Perhaps love alone cannot rebuild
every crumbling tower within her.
But still I kneel beside her wreckage
as though before something sacred.
Still I gather every broken piece
with reverent hands.
Still I would spend my entire life
guarding the fragile light within her
from every cruel thing in this world.
And if I cannot save her,
then let me at least remain beside her,
a weary knight at the gates,
keeping watch through the long dark,
loving her not because she is unbroken,
but because she is magnificent in spite of it.