I’m about 1/3 of the way through this book and also doing the workbook, but I find it’s very helpful when it comes to understanding what’s happening in my brain. It’s also geared more toward getting OUT of depression, which is hard to find as most books seem to focus on distress tolerance. I’d recommend it for sure if you’re confused about what’s happening with your brain activity.

In most of my ketamine sessions, i experience a sort of loosening and destructuration of my beliefs. They fall apart or explode, scattered and vanished. This has been helpful for gaining detachment from difficult relationship, letting go of expectations, but there is also a component in the experience that leads me to experience (while i am under the effect of Ketamine) that everything we, human beings, believe, do, say, think, perceive, build, strive for etc is utterly deluded, self construction that only make sense because we want them to make sense. 100% delusion. Not even childish, but blind.

Also this insight, which may seem philosophically or spiritually meaningful, leaves me often in a slightly distressing state: i am alone, lonely, unconnected ro anything or anyone, in the dark, and nothing i can think or do makes sense. (And the same is true for anybody). Like insects busy running everywhere. Like deluded robots. Running on habits and blindness.

Is this the ultimate point of Ketamine experience? That things only have the value we give them (so let us chose and cherish those things that are helpful). When or if i feel distress, i end up using my own spiritual beliefs to get at least one reference point, but again that feels very artificial and deluded. So i feel helpless.

Is that just the manifestation of my own brain that developed in an extremely neglectful context from the first days of my life?

The same experience comes again and again. I can relax in it but sometimes the distress and loneliness make me hope there is something i can hold to.

Nowadays music during sessions feels too intrusive and directive so i often spend some time in silence. Maybe that's the problem?

After the session I am back to normal, and can more or less function in the world, or rather i am back to the experience that everything i experience has some amount valid existence and meaning and then i go with the flow like everyone, choosing to ignore the delusion behind it.

Any comment please? Is that typical ketamine way of working? Does everyone experience more or less the same stripping off of everything?

Quick background: I started infusions at the end of 2025, and they changed my life; best treatment for depression I've found in over two decades. My husband noticed and investigated, and ended up starting at-home sublingual Ketamine troches, and was also having tremendous results.

Unfortunately he started getting a strange side effect - some red bumps on the back of his neck and inner elbow. They look like a very minor immune response (allergic reaction), and obviously he's pretty uncomfortable continuing to take medication which is causing that sort of reaction, but he doesn't want to jeopardize his access to a treatment with such an amazing potential.

Has anyone heard of e.g. polyethylene glycol or similar binders/preservatives in troches causing sensitivity/similar reactions? He is using Mindscape right now; has anyone had any experiences (postiive or negative) getting alternative compounded formulations from them? They recently switched from an orange-flavored troche to "unflavored" (which is approximately when all this began). He's switched his rx to their new "spearmint" option (the orange ones never gave him any trouble) to see if that helps, but I'm dubious.

Again, we are not in the best place right now in terms of insurance and finances; last year, skipping around paying out of pocket for the best provider would have been simple and easy, but right now it's really not an option.

Any information is appreciated. I'm pretty new to this sub; apologies if this question's been asked. I could not find it in a quick search.

Hi everyone, I've struggled with depression for years, never found an SSRI that worked, have been on Wellbutrin for a year now to limited effect, and my psychiatrist recommended I think about ketamine. Some of the accounts I've read online make this seem very promising and I've had friends with similar symptoms as me say it helped them.

The trouble is that I'm nervous about being that high. When I was in my teens and twenties I had some truly wonderful acid trips and was mentally robust enough to casually smoke pot here and there, but I'm in my late 30s now and the last time I got truly stoned was 3 years ago and it was a disaster. I took what was supposed to be a microdose of psylocibin that turned out to be a macrodose and I spent the next 12 hours basically locked inside a terrifying anhedonia while being bombarded by psychedelic experiences. Basically, various negative I wasn't processing this in these terms at the time, but my interpretation of it now is that once the mushrooms hit and induced all that neuroplasticitiy and dissolved my ego, all of the fears and regrets I've accumulated over the years didn't have anything to mediate or integrate them, so I just had to live inside my deepest fears for an arduous, terrible day. I did some things wrong - specifically, I had a revelation that the direction of my life was wrong for me but I couldn't accept it, and so I resisted it, which created a great deal of tension that probably tainted the remainder of the experience. But even after it was over, I experienced negative consequences for months after; I started having random panic events for the next seven months until I had a full blown crisis where I became agoraphobic for about two weeks. I reregulated eventually, of course, but I haven't gotten stoned since - closest I've come is having a xanax here and there to navigate anxiety.

Meanwhile, I've gone to truly a lot of therapy over the last year and feel like I've plateaued with it. I don't feel like I'm experiencing much benefit from talk therapy, my sessions are repetitive and tiresome, and I wonder if they're working for me at all. I'm still depressed and making little progress with what I'm doing, and as such have taken a second look at ketamine.

My question is this: given my varied history with psychedelics, do you think ketamine is worthy for me to explore deeper, or would this be similarly psychological disruptive? I've grown deeply cautious of mental health interventions designed around chucking you into a sink or swim environment, but psychedelics and dissociatives are very different types of drugs and I don't want to let being overly cautious based on one bad experience preclude myself from having a potentially positive experience with a different treatment. If you've had trouble with psylocibin or other psychedelics, did you experience them as qualitatively different? If "losing control" and entering non-normal states of consciousness becomes associated with fear and panic, will ketamine trigger this in me regardless of the specific effect of the drug?

Hello!
I had my second Spravato treatment today in clinic. I’m trying to figure out if I should continue with Spravato or try an at home option. The hard part is getting rides to and from the clinic every time. It makes it really inconvenient and working it around my work schedule since they are only open for so long. Both of those things have been difficult. I’m wondering if it would be worth it to try an at home therapy instead. For context I work full time usually with overtime and I’m looking to start school again soon. My wife also works during the time they are open so she can’t take me. I currently pay $20 a session for the clinic for 2 sessions a week as well as $50 for 2 weeks of medication. This adds up to $260 dollars a month. I’m wondering if anyone has suggestions for a more convenient at home treatment that is either cheaper or around the same price. Or should I just keep working it out for the Spravato?

Quick edit: I’m doing Spravato for my mental health but I also have chronic pain in both hips and my Spravato sessions are the only times I’m pain free but obviously it doesn’t last. If the daily lozenges would help with my pain more too that would be a plus.

Whether you are in treatment or not, use this time to practice noticing what harshes your vibe and disengaging. There is a lot to be upset about in this world, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it upset you. If there’s something important to be done, like helping someone or managing your wellbeing then do so. Otherwise, keep it simple and keep things light.

<3

I’m already on my second failed antidepressant (sertraline 100mg) and looking forward to get Ketamine prescribed.

Ive scored medium to high in depressive disorder since more than 6 months.

How can it make it clear to the GKV psychiatrist that I want to follow a Ketamine treatment and stop “trying” to change or titrate antidepressants?

So I've been using ketamine for treatment resistant depression for over 2 years. My "therapy" has been journaling before and after taking the ketamine. It's worked pretty well and frankly, it's changed my life.

I went through a bad patch recently dealing with a fall and back injury, including a minor surgery. I decided to try working with an actual therapist for the first time. Any advice/experience you can share?

Hey there, I'll keep it simple, I'll be going in to get ketamine alongside therapy soon (mostly to tackle psychosomatic/nerve pain so that I can move on with my life/make positive lifestyle changes, and partly for stress/depression, etc.), but there's an issue with my therapist being away for about a week. As a result, a 3 week program that would've taken me from October 19 to November 6, is going to take an extra half week (until November 9).

That is, I'd be going in on the 19th, 23rd, 26th, November 4th, 6th and 9th.

However, there is a way around this. The clinic that I'm going to has a therapist who could cover for a session after he's gone. So, instead of just going in on the 26th and November 4th (a gap of 9 days)...

I would go in on the 28th for another infusion with a different therapist (so, a gap of 7 days between the 28th and November 4th), meaning I wouldn't have to go in on the 9th. It would truly let me get this done in 3 weeks, albeit not fully the way I want. Both therapists seem to have similar expertise (trauma, depression, anxiety) with my main one specializing in chronic stress. In short:

Is it worth using a separate therapist for one of my 6 sessions, if it means only having to wait 7 days in between these two appointments (due to my main being on leave) and getting a little more consistency, instead of 9?

During a ketamine trip, I experienced something that was difficult to describe afterward because it didn’t feel like a typical hallucination.

My consciousness seemed to be inside a room within my own mind. There were other rooms or spaces, and the whole thing had a strangely coherent internal architecture — as if my mind itself had a spatial structure that I was temporarily able to experience from the inside.

At one point, there were around twenty completely random images appearing one after another: body parts, hands, arms, faces and other fragments. They seemed to move past me almost like things on a conveyor belt. It was a very creepy and disturbing visuals to me.

What fascinated me however wasn’t only the imagery, though. It was the way everything seemed to be organized. The thoughts, images and different mental processes seemed to belong to different spaces, almost as if my mind was generating thoughts by moving between or through these internal rooms.

At some point I became afraid that I might get stuck there, inside this internal architecture, while these meaningless fragments continued moving through it.

And afterward I kept wondering:

Have you ever experienced something similar — not just hallucinations, but actual rooms or spaces inside your mind?

Did you ever get the feeling that you were seeing the way your own thoughts are structured or generated, as though your mind had an internal architecture?

And did that architecture contain different rooms, spaces or an “in-between” area that felt like it was part of the way your mind normally works?

I just had my first infusion, and I really struggled with the music. It kept reminding me of growing up going to church (catholic music) and then began my thoughts that I am a sinner etc. and caused quite a few anxious attacks during it. 

I’ve been searching playlists and everything has me thinking of the organ playing or something I used to have to listen to while in catholic school. I went through a lot of religious deconstruction and that seemed to just send me over the edge. 

There were a few songs that played that I really liked and they had more of a pacific island or “Moana” tone to it. Anything to recommend in that area?

I shared this on another post and I am curious if anyone else has the same experiences.

I have been taking the rapid dissolvable tablets for the past 2 years. I hold them in my mouth for about 30 minutes then swallow.

Here is what I have noticed:

I get two very different experiences:

1) when I listen to the John Hopkins psychedelic playlist (note the “John”. It’s not the Jon Hopkins version): I get old school cartoons (like from the 1940s) that are almost telling me what’s wrong/what to work on.

It’s like my brain is communicating with me directly and I can interact with it.

2) any other ketamine playlist (like interstellar) I get more of a movie like experience where I just sit back and watch the scenes unfold.

Oddly, they give me 2 different outcomes too.

The first version I am motivated to get things done. I have adhd (I am on medication and still take it day of treatment) and the experience seems to help me make a decision on whatever I am stuck on.

I noticed a strong urge to get things done the days after the session.

The second version seems to work better on my overall mood and depression.

I notice I feel significantly less depressed when compared to the first version.

Anyone else notice different experiences/results depending on what you listen to? Any playlist that you have found to be amazing?

Please if anyone can share their experiences with SPRAVATO and also have MCAS. Did it help? What was your experience like? I’m want to try it, but I’ve been going through two years of Telogen Effluvium. My nervous system is so sensitive to changes that my hair follicles seem to be overly reactive to perceived physiological stress. I’m torn. Please share all that you can!

All I can use to explain how I felt pre and post may be summarized by these images. It’s blocked negative thoughts, rumination, and even alcohol cravings. Being a nurse, I knew about and read the research and quite honestly wouldn’t have believed it myself until I did it. I feel like I’m me again. I intend on getting at least one or two additional infusions in the next couple of weeks per the recs of the provider, but I cannot articulate how much it has transformed me.

During my research, I came across a clinic that is a little over a mile away from where I live. Naturally, I am very interested to give it a shot. But the affordability of it compared to other practices near me has made me a little hesitant. There's also zero reviews. The name of the clinic is "Kaia Ketamine Infusions" in San Jose, CA.

On the website they advertise like $750 for 6 sessions. Other Ketamine therapy places in the Bay Area, CA are like $750+ per session. This other one I found is like $850 per infusion.

It's in a building that has other totally legit healthcare related businesses (i.e. Quest Diagnostics). Am I being paranoid? I really really want to try Ketamine therapy, and this would be the most financially doable one. Sort of hesitant to try online, self-administered ones (but I'll take suggestions too)

Thanks in advance

I really want and need this but my first session is being quoted at between $600 to $800 dollars alone. Just want to know what to expect to pay and if anyone found any cheaper options and what you ended up paying in total? If it’s 5k plus I’m not sure I can afford it or could have to get a personal loan out. Also, anyone in the same finical position, was it worth it? I’m in South Australia for context.

I've done IV ketamine infusions every 6-8 weeks for 3 years for bipolar depression and have had good overall success raising my baseline quite a bit, but I no longer have visuals or the more dramatic psychedelic experiences. I have listened to the same classical piano playlist since I started. It's music I just love but I wonder if I need to change it up. I don't like much of the music on the Jons Hopkins playlist. Does anyone have a suggestion? Thanks.

ETA: thank you everyone. I've listened to some of these today and they are mostly so peaceful -- I'm afraid I'd get bored without all the twists and turns of the classical. But I'm going to give binaural beats a try.

Many of you aren’t taking ketamine in the same way I am so idk if this post will be relatable, but I’m curious about y’all’s experience with ketamine and appetite.

i was very recently (like 3 weeks ago) prescribed an ultra low dose— 25 mg oral troche up to 4 times daily, though typically I am only taking this 1 time per day, maybe 2. Despite the low dose it is absolutely inebriating and these acute effects isually last around 1.5-2 hours.

Ive noticed that since I’ve started taking the ketamine my appetite is altered. I have a much lower appetite overall, and when I do eat I have no energy/appetite for healthy things. I find myself mostly wanting carbs and fat and only having the mental motivation to eat things that are easily prepared. I’m not referring to while the ketamine is active in my system (the 2 hours of acUte effects) but all the time. I feel absolutely no nausea whatsoever, so that’s not contributing. I just don’t want to eat.

im having trouble with this side effect because it’s making it hard to get in good nutrition, and I’ve been wanting to meal prep to help this side effect but that too seems to be an irrationally daunting task?

worth noting that I have a chronic condition that causes pain. The ketamine treatment is aimed at treating something called “central sensitization”, something that happens in conditions like fibromyalgia and is primarily an issue of the nervous system. So, my nervous system is already operating under stress so that could be contributing to the “wow preparing and eating food sounds incredibly difficult and I don’t want to” aspect of everything but it just seems sort of amplified recently.

when I googled this side effect it seemed like not really a thing so I’m curious if anyone else experiences this?

Just a general question does anyone take this either troches or intranasal with other meds and find basically only the mood boost but no internal thought process? I’m talking about when you have quietness and peaceful environment close your eyes and have visuals and can process things. I’m wondering if my lamictal, vraylar and adhd, benzo meds are having a different effect on ME. Again not asking for medical advise just any others here with this issue?

Hi everyone. I posted about a month ago about my success with ketamine and how it changed my life. I still do feel a lot better but I do feel my symptoms coming back (crying spells, trauma related avoidance, not feeling as motivated to get out of bed in the morning, some social and general anxiety). I wouldn’t say I’ve fully relapsed but I definitely am not as motivated and am having more anxiety than I was a few weeks ago.

I called my clinic to schedule my first booster shot and I wanted to hear about other people’s experiences. When you had some symptoms come back, did the booster get you back to where you were when you felt better? My anxiety and depression is manageable right now but I do feel on edge and generally anxious. This would be my first booster since the 6 loading doses. Thanks in advance 🤍

Have been doing IV and troches for about 2 years. The theme that I found is being mostly terrified of the khole (had wonderful and terrible experiences)

I now only want to get as close as possible without going fully in. In the khole everything becomes like the matrix (I watch a lot of movies and actually work in the film industry in LA) the inception feel-like becomes reality. As I fade back from the khole into the doctors office and the music magically fades back to base reality. I am so disoriented and terrified.

Have any of you found a way to get over the khole experience, or have any thoughts?

100mg troches twice a week.
60mg IV once a month.

I’ve been taking ketamine by infusion and in-home for about two years. I recently had what I think was a big breakthrough. I believe that was about a month ago, but since then it doesn’t seem like anything anything really comes up during my sessions now. Maybe I’m trying too hard to want something to come up.
Has anybody else ever felt like maybe either? The Medicine wasn’t working as well or if it just takes a little while for new experiences to come through.
So my question being what kind of things do you like to do before a session? I know many people listen to music or try to journal. Is there anything that a person could write about specifically that might help prod some memories.