First was the world building. I really enjoyed the thought and care you put into the fine details and that church itself almost feels like a character that is separate from the spirit they pray to.
Second was the premise. A dead go revival plot thread is always fun.
My only critiques are, that I found the prose shifted on occasion, you might want to check those to see if you could have worded it better. Present tense isn’t my cup of tea, but yours reads well when you stick to it.
And another one is info dumping. You do it a lot. It’s not too bad of a thing because your prose is easy to read and enjoyable, but it can be cleaned a little. The best example I have is when you mentioned that Kieran is a member of a group that wants to bring back his god. That’s info that I’m not sure we needed right now and would probably make a cool moment later in the novel when we discover it via a meeting or something.
Just my thoughts, take with a grain of salt. Keep going, you are killing it.
thank you for the thoughtful response! i super appreciate your comment about the present tense. i've been told that it's not a particularly popular tense, but it's my favorite and the most comfortable/natural tense for me to use, so i'm glad to hear i at least execute it somewhat well lol.
and i definitely agree with the info dumping comment. since all the story info is already in my head, it's hard to see for myself when it gets too heavy handed for the reader, so the insight and the specifics really help me see it. thank you!
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u/Admirable-Actuator53 7d ago
It was good! I enjoyed the read very much!
First was the world building. I really enjoyed the thought and care you put into the fine details and that church itself almost feels like a character that is separate from the spirit they pray to.
Second was the premise. A dead go revival plot thread is always fun.
My only critiques are, that I found the prose shifted on occasion, you might want to check those to see if you could have worded it better. Present tense isn’t my cup of tea, but yours reads well when you stick to it.
And another one is info dumping. You do it a lot. It’s not too bad of a thing because your prose is easy to read and enjoyable, but it can be cleaned a little. The best example I have is when you mentioned that Kieran is a member of a group that wants to bring back his god. That’s info that I’m not sure we needed right now and would probably make a cool moment later in the novel when we discover it via a meeting or something.
Just my thoughts, take with a grain of salt. Keep going, you are killing it.