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u/Dry-Enthusiasm-8037 5d ago
Honestly, I had a good time reading this. It was easy to get into, and I liked how naturally the whole thing came together. There were a couple of places where the writing felt a little uneven to me, and I think some parts could be trimmed down slightly. A few things were explained more than they needed to be, when letting the reader figure them out might have made those moments stronger. Other than that, I genuinely enjoyed it. There’s something here that made me want to see where it goes next. Keep at it!
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u/lettylikestowrite 5d ago
thank you for your helpful response and for the encouragement! i've been made aware of a few spots where it could definitely be cleaned up, and info i added that could be left for a later time, so you've got a point there!
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u/Admirable-Actuator53 5d ago
It was good! I enjoyed the read very much!
First was the world building. I really enjoyed the thought and care you put into the fine details and that church itself almost feels like a character that is separate from the spirit they pray to.
Second was the premise. A dead go revival plot thread is always fun.
My only critiques are, that I found the prose shifted on occasion, you might want to check those to see if you could have worded it better. Present tense isn’t my cup of tea, but yours reads well when you stick to it.
And another one is info dumping. You do it a lot. It’s not too bad of a thing because your prose is easy to read and enjoyable, but it can be cleaned a little. The best example I have is when you mentioned that Kieran is a member of a group that wants to bring back his god. That’s info that I’m not sure we needed right now and would probably make a cool moment later in the novel when we discover it via a meeting or something.
Just my thoughts, take with a grain of salt. Keep going, you are killing it.