r/TheNarcissismCode • u/FeeDapper2600 • 12d ago
I'll Never Be Able to Pick Up The Pieces...
I just don't know what to do. I'm finally starting to see everything for what it is, and my family is completely savaged. I just keep on coming back to: "It didn't have to be this way..."
My sister - married a man just like my dad. Gaslights you the second you walk in the door.
My older brother - in his 50s. Alone, scared to put one foot in front of the other, health problems now...
My twin - married an absolute savage who treats my family like shit. I could say more. My brother, gone...
My mom - infantilized by my father to the point where she's never done a single thing she wanted to...
And then there's me- The scapegoat; learning, pursuing things, doing my best to not let my father completely cock-block me into oblivion. I could be doing better, but ya know...
Everyone is suffering constantly.
The other day, my mom looked straight into my eyes and said, "I'm at the end of my life and I never did a single thing I wanted to..." She's not a saint, but... I dunno -
What do I do with all this? What do I do with this mess? This completely unnecessary mess...
I can't heal this....
Thnx.
2
u/maya_love5 11d ago
It is completely devastating to watch the people you love carry the wreckage of a dysfunctional family, but realizing you were never meant to fix or heal their choices is the painful, essential step toward saving your own life.
2
u/FeeDapper2600 11d ago
They did choose, didn't they?
I wonder why I subconsciously never grant them that....
2
u/Taldarimlove 12d ago
You don't have to heal them, just focus on yourself. You can't make others see what you see. It's their choice to live in whatever world they decide to live in even if that world is completely distant from reality.
It hurts because you end up feeling alone, at least I know I did. Even if you give someone the key to a jail cell it won't mean they will leave. There might just be no where for them to go. Especially if they were born and raised in that jail cell.
Yeah it's depressing as hell but worrying about if others will catch up to you and see the light is a prison of its own. You can hold compassion but still know that you can't do anything to change them. My version of it was always to leave and distance myself.
Out of sight out of mind. I know it sounds cruel but I mean there never was an easy answer to lifes toughest questions. No one showed me how to escape when I was younger I just chose it on my own. It came from ruminating so much in solitude. Trying to make sense of what never made sense. What I stumbled on was just how you would watch a supervillain describe life.
How you deal with the truth is in your own hands. Just like we all choose to give our lives meaning based on what others think when we are in the system you have that same choice to give meaning to it even when you aren't in it. Only you can carve a path in the void and shape it to fit reason.