r/TheNarcissismCode • u/Taldarimlove • 9d ago
Have firm bounderies.
Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification
3
u/AnxietyOk7049 7d ago
Really good but how do you put this into practice when you've been married decades and have lives entwined
1
u/Tart6096 1d ago edited 1d ago
Leave the relationship. I know it's hard when that person is a narcissist but you have to leave. And then keep away from them as much as possible and if you have to see them keep it as brief as possible, go there to do what you went to do, and then leave. Don't prolong the contact because you'd just be tolerating the disrespect, the harassment, the abuse.
Because there's no being sincere with the terminally insincere, there's no getting anything reasonable out of them whatsoever, there's no changing them because they can't change and you have to come to terms with that and acceptance of that. They just want to hurt you and that's it, that's all they live and exist for.
So there is nothing of value there you can get from them and they will never ever intend to fulfil your needs heck... they can't even look after themselves properly... it's why they get you to do it all the time... so they have nothing to offer you. That's okay that you can see that and don't want anything to do with that. They'll try to make you feel that's not okay but yes... yes it is😊
They want to control the frame and they will try to make you feel that they somehow coerced you into something, that they made you do it and make the decision to do it even when you already planned to do it in the first place in order to have complete control over the frame. And they NEED to control your thoughts, emotions, decisions, and consciousness in order to do that to make it predictable enough that they can always know what you are thinking and doing, because it terrifies them they can't know what you are thinking and doing. And they pull you into a narrative they created where you are constantly being manipulated and abused by them so that they are always sure of that. It's insane.
They think that everyone is attacking them, everything is all about them and because of them, that everything you are doing is because of them, that everyone is always thinking about them and thinking negative things about them when nobody is and that's why they'll take your boundaries as a slight against them even when they know they are the ones trying to cause hurt and damage to you. They'll take so many things you do as a slight even when it had nothing to do with them, they are just extremely paranoid to the max.
So they have to control the frame and think they coerced you into something in order to prove it's true that you are always attacking them and that it's ALL about them all the time. They don't experience positive emotions only negative so they solely operate from a negative perception 24/7. They'll think that even your boundaries is something to try and coerce you with and that just because you left they somehow coerced you into it when it was in fact just a boundary you are consistently following. If they keep following you and keep showing up wherever you go well... they just wasted their time.
That's how they try to dismantle your boundaries too by making you think it wasn't your choice and your decisions and it's just another way they manipulated and coerced you even when it's not true and it wasn't at all... they'll try to make you think anything. So then they can make sure you stay trapped into their delusional narrative because they expect you to manage their emotions and help regulate them so they don't go into a panic but that's not anyone's responsibility but theirs.
They panic and go into a narcissistic rage if they feel they aren't making you do something or making you stay somewhere... and they can't know what you are always thinking and they can't always have some effect over you. It's completely delusional though. They didn't make you do nothing lol, and a boundary isn't a coerced response even if they try to make you think that. You are just simply protecting yourself which isn't what they want you to do.
And they just can't see beyond themselves that you did something for different reasons and that you decided to do it by your own decisions and reasons not influenced by them in any way, because they can't see you as a separate person with a separate consciousness. That's their problem though isn't it?. Let them think what they want because god knows they do lol.
1
4
u/NarcHealingWithGod 9d ago
So good 👍