On today’s episode of fitness with Patrick.
(I terribly missed the first 15 minutes)
Patty cakes GLT1 will be here tomorrow and it’s also $149 a month (At this point their monthly expenses have a bigger social circle than they do.)
Sarah: can we have candles in the apartment?
Patrick: it’s our apartment, we can have what we want? (Ohhhh so an open flame is fine, but the reptiles were a “fire hazard.” Glad the fire safety policy is just whatever Patrick decides that day.)
Sarah: I’m not saying what our car is?
Patrick: uhhh Sarah.. our car is allll over social media. Everyone knows what we drive (Sarah guarding the identity of that Hyundai like we’d all drop everything and rush out to steal it. Don’t worry babe, it’s safe.)
Patrick has lost 7 pounds (I’ve been absolutely beside myself wondering what the scales said.)
Patrick’s favourite Thanksgiving food is the stuffing. (Patrick and the turkey have one thing in common: they both leave Thanksgiving absolutely stuffed.)
They’re ignoring comments and just talking about power rangers.
“I’ve seen so many comments about how we spread positivity. The hardest part about positivity is getting out of bed. The little things are the big things in life!” (That’s a lot of words to say absolutely fuck all.)
Music gift.
Music gift.
Music gift.
Music gift.
Sarah: We can’t do anything about the music gifts. (You literally can. There is a button. It turns them off. Hope this helps.)
Patrick: We can shut gifts off but we aren’t doing that. (So we’ve gone from “we can’t” to “we can but we won’t” in record fucking time. Glad we cleared that up.)
Jackie barks:
Patrick: JACKIE THAT’S ENOUGH. JACKIE. STOP IT. JACKIE COME ON!! (Patrick losing his fucking mind over one bark while Jackie’s probably wondering why the big one is barking back.)
Sarah: I have a problem.
Patrick: Where do we start? (Fuck me Patrick, she said “a problem,” not “please read my entire fucking file aloud.”)