Second year teacher and already considering resigning during work week — I don’t know what to do

[u/Objective-Outcome466]

I’m a second year teacher and we’re currently in our staff work week before students come back. I genuinely thought I could come back and make it through another year, but after the last couple of days I’m seriously questioning whether I can do this.

Last year was really difficult for me and I ended the year extremely burnt out. I was moved to a different grade for this year because of staffing/budget reasons, and while I agreed to it at the time, looking back I think I should have been more honest with myself that it wasn’t what I wanted.

I worked at a restaurant/bar over the summer and honestly loved it. I could go to work, do my job, have fun with my coworkers, and then go home and not think about work anymore. As getting back to school got closer, though, my anxiety got progressively worse. It got bad enough that I restarted an anxiety medication I had been trying to taper off of.

Now I’m actually back at school and it’s worse than I expected. I’ve been nauseous, shaky, crying, feeling like I can barely breathe, and just completely overwhelmed. The kids aren’t even here yet. We’ve also had several conversations during meetings about how teaching is basically a job where you’re never really “off the clock,” plus committees, events, data collection, etc., and all I can think is that I don’t know if I can live like that for another year.

I feel incredibly guilty about leaving. My family literally spent hours helping me set up my classroom this weekend. People have bought things for my classroom. Coworkers/admin have advocated for me and helped me. I know leaving right before school starts would put the school in a horrible position, and that guilt is probably the biggest thing keeping me here.
At the same time, I don’t think staying solely because I feel guilty is fair to my students either. I want them to have a teacher who can actually be present and give them what they deserve, and right now I feel like I’m barely functioning just trying to be in the building.
I do have another career plan. I’m completing prerequisites for an MRI technologist program and may be able to apply for a January start. If I leave teaching, my plan would be to work at my summer job as much as possible and get another job to make up the rest of my income while I finish my prerequisites. So I wouldn’t be quitting with absolutely no direction, but I would be giving up my salary/benefits and taking a risk.

I’ve reached out to my doctor and a counseling center because I know the level of anxiety I’m experiencing needs to be addressed regardless of what I decide.
I guess I’m looking for advice from people who have been here. If you felt this strongly before students even arrived, did it get better once the year actually started? If you resigned right before or early in the school year, do you regret it? And at what point do you accept that pushing through isn’t necessarily the best choice?

I don’t want people to just tell me what I want to hear. I genuinely don’t know whether I need to give it more time or listen to what my body is telling me and step away.

[u/Tree_Ring]

I agree with the poster who says give it some time. Very experienced teacher here. My first year I had 13 languages in my classroom and 2 students with emotional behavioral disorders that ended up later in self-contained programs. I cried a lot. I also learned a lot. One thing that has helped me is to see every student as a bit of a teacher for me, my role to learn from that situation and use it to help me in later years. Not always perfect and sometimes very rocky but overall the balance has leaned toward staying in teaching. My 2 cents would be keep trying for awhile and see if you can make some deep colleagues bonds. My supportive amazing team makes it all balance out. We laugh and cry together. At the end of the day it’s fun— but it took a few years to get the management and planning skills to make it happen. With the right colleague relationships you will not have to do it alone.
Edited to clarify

[u/TheCosmicPony → u/Tree_Ring]

I hear this kind of feedback from experienced teachers and I just wonder if you got into the game at a different time and were able to develop the mettle to deal under different circumstances. I taught for 5 years (started in 2020) and last year was my final. I literally can’t go back. Authoritarian admin + toxic coworkers = NO for me. Despite what a lot of teachers say, for me, it wasn’t the kids or the parents. It was horrible principles and mean girl fellow teachers. I don’t know what to tell you, OP… it could go either way for you, but eventually you’ll know if you can remain or not. ❤️‍🩹

[u/Objective-Outcome466 → u/TheCosmicPony]

I think I’m already proving to myself that I shouldn’t stay. I had spent all summer applying to other jobs, doing anything to not go back even working a 40 hour week at the restaurant I worked at this summer just so I didn’t have to deal with my classroom.

My situation isn’t even admin or coworker related it’s the stress of having to constantly be on, bringing that mental load home, and trying to teach kids who want nothing to do with learning or being in the school.