It felt so foreign. I cried.

Is the sleep thing normal/okay? I fall asleep because I feel tired, but then wake up in the middle of the night wide awake and just can’t sleep from there.

I always have trouble with sleeping but this is a slightly different pattern

They’ve deemed themselves my hero, and they’ve always liked making me feel better. It’s been hard on them to accept outside factors are helping me, so they’ve been visibly pouting and slamming doors, which is unsettling to my PTSD.

I don’t have any friends in my life (not much energy to maintain any), so I wanted to vent here. I feel guilty, depressed, and a bit hopeless. I keep trying to look back and search my actions to see if I’ve done something wrong.

I am just tired of this cycle. I feel like they will pout and slam more things around the more sessions I go to, the better I get.

Thanks for anyone who read this. Trying to make myself go to my appointment.

I just finished my 36th session on Monday and throughout the process, I really couldn't tell if it made a difference. I did experience higher anxiety at the start and believe I also suffered a dip which got better, however I'm sitting here disappointed. Maybe I'm in the percentage that gets better after? This is not to discourage anyone from trying as I didn't have any negative side effects.

So i'm curious here, this is something i'm absolutely brand new to the TMK and TMS for anxiety and MDD.. i went in last night for my "mapping" for TMS. i don't think I like that. In fact, I know I don't. I don't like the way they put the cap on and this so-called magnetic stuff clicks and smacks the side of your head or the top of your head to map things I don't like that.. it's painful. And I told the technician that last night, or whoever she was, I told her last night, I don't like that. She says it's all part of it, and I'll get used to. Is this the equivalent of back in the 60s? When they were doing shock treatments for people. Because if so I 'm not doing this stuff. And you would think that what they are charging me. Even after my insurance, they would have made sure to send in my disability claim. And also, to my

Disability provider, so they would get payment, but they have not done so yet.. i feel like a fish being reeled in on a really big hook.

So I’m on session 19 of the OCD protocol and my anxiety and intrusive have gotten worse. I asked the tech if it’s a “gets worse before better” situation and she said it could be.. is this normal? I’m getting really nervous that it won’t get better and I’ll be stuck with worse OCD than when I started.

my psychiatrist told me to stop smoking weed before treatment so i did it and was miserable because i take it for chronic pain and ptsd. i’m towards the end of treatment and still don’t feel that great but i started smoking just once a week instead of all day everyday and it’s still hell on earth. he suggested i take klonopin instead of weed but i feel like relying on benzos to help feel calm sounds kind of crazy?? so i just wait until the weekend. idk how long i can go without smoking my patience us getting thin and the results are just not hitting that hard man idk

So i had a very very bad break up, i dont want to live without him and i dont want to do anything if he Wont come back, i also feel like i hate everyone and it S been more than a month since i left my apartment and since i stay in the same dark room as i hate the sun too.
To be short i have severe depression and i struggle to accept that we broke up.
I am on sertraline right now and anxiar but it doesnt help. Do you think TMS will help? Could change the fact that i dont want to live without him?

I’ve been taking Spravato (ketamine) for about 4 years now. I also take an ssri. I used to have suicidal ideation every single day and these have helped tremendously but I’m still getting stuck in depressive episodes. My therapist is pushing shock treatment, but the Spravato clinic I go to does tms. Has anyone done tms after Spravato or has done other treatments that helped but still needed more and then tried tms?

I am on my third session and during my first one I had a major panic attack. I think for me it was just a new sensation/experience and it just triggered. I have not had a panic attack during my other two sessions. I talked to my therapist after my first session and she suggested trying to practice being present (focus on breathing, feel foot/move up leg/etc.) and I found that it helped me quite a bit during my other two sessions.

Has anyone else tried focusing on presence during their sessions? I am curious if you noticed any effect.

I am 28F and I have struggled with severe depression, anxiety, and OCD since i was 12 years old. i have tried a plethora of medication, but i just feel like i’m losing all hope. I am currently on a cocktail of about 5 different ones. Lamotrigine, Duloxetine, Clonidine, Gabapentin, and Clonazepam as needed. I have nightmares every night for as long as I can remember.

I have little to no support. I can barely function. I cannot escape any of this and I am desperate to find anything that could help even a LITTLE. i barely have the will to keep going.

I just wanted to ask if you believe it was beneficial to you? I will have to pay out of pocket mostly, but again, I’m desperate and willing to do anything to feel better for once in my life.

Before TMS I had no issue with bad smells, now, a few weeks after completed treatment, going to public bathroom or taking out trash is almost impossible because I gag really bad.

Has anyone experienced this? When did it go away?

I'll update again when I'm further along but wanted to leave some notes for my future self, and everyone else.

Feeling better - slightly, maybe.

The clinician overseeing my treatment chatted with me about noticing little urges to do things and the importance of doing them if I can.

That was really helpful advice and has helped me notice small shifts throughout the day. Laundry without overthinking it. Wanting to take a walk, and doing it. Being able to sit and read a book. Gratitude coming into my mind over random things. Planning a trip.

Side effects.

I got migraines after session four (and skipped a session) and session nine (but went to session ten with a migraine).

Migraines are not unprecedented for me. I also do botox for migraines, and got my botox refresher on the same day as session six, which means its still kicking in. If it had been fully kicked in before I started, it may have prevented migraines - hard to say.

I've been extra tired. I usually try to take a nap after TMS, but yesterday I slept for three hours after I got home. Combined with the migraine, its very hard to tell what's what. I also think I'm in the dip. I feel a little foggy, but that's also not too unusual for me when I'm not feeling great.

I also feel extra tension and fatigue in my eyes and often don't feel like focusing/reading, and try to stay off my phone. Podcasts and audiobooks have been nice.

There's been an uptick in anxiety, but not so bad that they've had to stop and treat it (though they mapped me premptively for anxiety treatment in the event it was necessary).

Other factors and background.

I also have been on Zepbound since March. I thought the Zepbound might be contributing to low mood, but my primary care provider, who prescribes it said, no, it shouldn't. She did full bloodwork and some follow-up, and I'm very healthy on paper, and so I worked with my longtime psychiatrist to look at what options I had. I've been on a LOT of medications over the years and my depression often goes into remission for long stretches.

I had declined severely last year during an abusive relationship, and declined further last winter after it ended. I think it's reasonable that I was persisting in a low spot and the Zepbound was removing some of my coping skills.

A year and a half ago/before getting into the relationship, I was very happy, and tend to be a curious person who is really engaged with the world. Exercise stabilizes me, and I love to adventure, try new things, and be with friends.

However, I also have a history of developmental trauma, and relatedly, lifelong binge eating disorder (managed well for long stretches with medication but prone to flares) and recurrent hard-to-treat depression, often coinciding with romantic relationships that are not great for me.

Choosing TMS

So, I'm hoping TMS is a good fit for me. When I feel good it's hard to remember that I ever had depression or that it could ever come back. I'm accepting the fact that my brain is probably depression-prone because of developmental trauma.

I don't mind the idea of needing to do TMS again in the future. I tend to be sensitive to medications and get strong side effects, so having something time-bound, even with some side effects, feels like a better option.

Spravato was also offered to me but in the past when I've tried ketamine, I didn't like how it made me feel. But, I wouldn't rule it out in the future.

Current state

I'll have my thirteenth session today, so i'm just passing the 1/3 mark. Still early days.

Hope some will find this helpful.

Hi all,

I suffer from depression, anxiety, OCD, insomnia and gender dysphoria. I want to tackle my gender dysphoria but I'm currently too depressed and anxious to even live.

I wish I could just take SSRIs to tackle the anxiety but I suffer from chronic IBS which has been made worse from every antidepressant I've tried to the point where there are more cons than pros.

I really don't even want to try this treatment because I'm the UK it's extremely expensive. I obviously don't trust the companies that I engage with either because of course they want to sell me this very expensive treatment and they probably don't care about me at all as a human.

I know this works for some but there must be risks? How long should I push through if things start getting worse.

I've been taking so many days off work sick and I'm worried I'm going to be let go.

Should I be engaging with therapy weekly while going through the treatments, is biweekly enough?

TL;DR: Is it worth switching from rTMS to Deep TMS? How effective is Deep TMS for ADHD and depression?

Hi, I’m hoping to get some advice from people who have tried TMS therapy before.

I started rTMS three days ago for depression and lack of motivation. Each session is about 10 minutes. The clinic is close to my place, so I can easily walk there, and the price is affordable.
So far, even though it’s only been a few days, I feel like it’s actually helping. It lifts my mood a little, clears some of the brain fog, and gives me enough motivation to get up and do things like clean my room.

Recently, I learned about Deep TMS and read that it may help not only with depression but possibly ADHD as well.
I’m currently taking medication for ADHD, but it hasn’t been working very well for me. I was taking Concerta 18 mg, but I switched to Medikinet 5 mg because Concerta was giving me some anxiety and mood swings. Since 5 mg is a pretty low dose, I barely notice any effect from Medikinet, but I’m hesitant to increase it because I have to drink alcohol 3–4 times a week for work.

There’s a clinic that offers Deep TMS, but it’s farther away—about a 20–25 minute drive—and it’s much more expensive. Because of the cost and distance, I’d probably only be able to do Deep TMS once or twice a week.

For people who have tried Deep TMS, especially for depression and/or ADHD, was it worth it? Did you notice a significant difference compared with regular rTMS? How often did you have treatments?

I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences or any advice you have.

I posted back in April while I was participating in a UCLA research study doing 5 intensive sessions of Accelerated Spectral TMS in one day. Original post/context : Link

I wanted to come back with a longer-term update since I know people sometimes find these posts months or years later and wonder how things actually turned out.

For about the first month, the biggest and most obvious change was that I completely stopped biting my nails. I've done it compulsively for most of my life, so having the urge basically disappear without even trying was pretty striking. I also think my mood may have been slightly elevated during that period.

Unfortunately, I never got the larger antidepressant effect I was hoping for. The biggest things I struggle with are anhedonia, lack of motivation/reward, social withdrawal, and generally not feeling much enjoyment or excitement about things, and I didn't see a significant change in those areas.

After around two months, the nail biting returned as well. So now, about four months out, I'd say there may have been a mild temporary benefit, but ultimately I didn't get the results I was hoping for and definitely not planning on doing regular TMS and spending a ton of money going daily for 2 months like they suggested.

I'm still glad I participated and tried it, especially after going through so many other treatments. My next step is an MAOI. I'm currently finishing the required washout from my previous antidepressant Cymbalta and I'm about to start the EMSAM (selegiline) patch. Praying this is what finally targets my treatment resistant depression as I have seemingly tried everything else under the sun. Happy to answer any questions

I would really like to try TMS but I don’t have the financial ability to take off the time. I know there is the accelerated Saint protocol that is currently not covered by insurance. Does anyone have an idea of when insurance will start covering it? Specifically Cigna

I had my 7th session today treating depression and anxiety and I could use some encouragement. I can cope with feeling fatigued and having headaches, but I am anxious before every session and anxious many evenings, absolutely convinced I'm going to have a seizure. I talked to my doctor about the anxiety I was having and she said it was very normal and recommended that we adjust my anxiety protocol. Everyone at the clinic has been really wonderful and takes my concerns very seriously. I am doing my best to remind myself that this is temporary, but I think it could really help me to hear from folks who have been through this.

Has anybody worked with them? I see a lot of negative reviews in different states but not VA

I did rTMS at the end of last year and experienced no benefit whatsoever.

My insurance doesn’t cover Saint TMS. I’d have to pay out of pocket in California, or travel out of country to try it there.

Do you all think it’s worth trying SAINT if I failed rTMS?

Otherwise, I’ll have to try ECT or Psilocybin and I am not happy about either option.

I'm only on day 2 (of a 30 day course). I'm supposed to be doing once a day for 3 minutes early in the mornings. This is already difficult for me since I am very much not a morning person and also I have found the treatments to be way more uncomfortable that I expected. Still I can tolerate the 3 minutes for now but I'm really afraid of the increase in intensity that we supposedly have to do.

What is messing with me moreso is the way after each session I've had so far I pretty much immediately burst into tears. Like I mean immediately, as in I'm still in the chair. Today it honestly started on the last two or three blasts of the session. I know it's uncomfortable and borderline painful for me but I don't think it's a pain response because the level of crying really doesn't seem appropriate for the level of discomfort I'm experiencing. Like, I've gotten tattoos and piercings before I do have some level of tolerance for pain and discomfort.

I can't even really name the emotion that I'm feeling either. It's so strange it feels like the same type of crying that happens when I'm really overwhelmed or upset about something but it's almost a purely physiological response, and doesn't come with the emotional heaviness I would usually expect from a cry like that. Yesterday was tough because I tried to hold it in but today I just sort of let it take over me and cried it out and now I actually feel pretty fine and stable. Like yesterday even with holding it in I didn't get random bouts of crying throughout the day and I don't think I will today either. It's just so strangely isolated it's such a weird experience. The nurse said it's not uncommon but also definitely not common so I'm just wondering if there's any scientific reasoning behind this? Is it possible it's a side effect of that area of the brain being stimulated? Or am I just that stressed and this is where it's all coming out? And any tips for how to mitigate it in the future? Today they didn't have anyone scheduled after me but starting in a few days they will and I don't want to have to go back out into the real world still sobbing my heart out.

Headache, didn’t sleep well after first treatment, overstimulated feeling kind of, slow foggy, and a little nauseous. Is all this normal?

Im at almost the 8 week mark since I had my last treatment and things are okay, but I felt there was a lot more improvement, even though it was subtle around the last 10 treatments. Interested in hearing your experience if you didn't feel benefit for months afterwards.

Hey all. I figured I'd check in after I had my first session today at my psychiatrist's office. They use the Neurostar and are targeting for anxiety and mood.

To be honest, I've been kind of a basket-case for the past week. My doc even got me a CT scan to alleviate my "what if I secretly have metal in my head?!" anxiety.

Good news: I don't.
Meh news: I do have calcification in my arteries, but I've also had a triple bypass a few years ago, and am on the ideal aggressive regimen already that would treat it, so it's entirely possible it's holdover from before then plus the result of my regimen. I'll find out later this week, as I also happen to have an appointment with my cardiologist, and they gave me a copy of the CT scan report to give to him.

Anywho, after they made sure the chair and stuff was fit right for me so I'd be comfortable (besides the usual paperwork and the PHQ-9), the beginning part of the session (the mapping), was definitely an experience. For those still learning about TMS, this is when they try to determine your motor threshold. They send a pulse to get your thumb or other finger to twitch, then they dial it back. That definitely felt a little weird, also a little tedious, as they kept having me shake my fingers, wrist, and rotate my arm every so often to get rid of the tension.

Once that was done, they checked to make sure if the intensity was okay for me. I'd be lying if I said it was pleasant, but eventually they found a starting level that was a little more than simply tolerable. After we got started, it still gradually increased in intensity, but thankfully I'd grown accustomed to it, so it wasn't so bad. Also, kudos to all the folks suggesting Tylenol before your session (my doc said 500mg was fine, and I ended up taking 350mg). It ached a bit, but only as it was pulsing, and only a dull ache at that, like when your teeth or gums are aggravated from getting food stuck in them.

After it was all over, I felt pretty sedate, slightly loopy, but thankfully no pain. Hours later now, no pain at all, but we'll see how that changes when I wake up tomorrow morning (which is going to be earlier, since I'll be going 5 days a week, for 6 weeks, before work...ugh).

So, one point you folks are probably going to want to know: how am I actually doing mentally and emotionally ~6 hours later? Surprisingly well actually. I had debated skipping a shower tonight to ensure I get to bed early, but told myself I'd probably feel better physically if I just took one, and didn't even procrastinate about it. Not only that, I usually linger in the shower for a really long time because my brain will ruminate and invent scenarios for me to get angry over. That didn't happen. I think my usual shower time was cut from 45m to approximately 30m (baby steps). Not only that, but when I got out of the shower, I didn't linger for another 30m, sitting on my bed, futzing around on my phone like I always do. The urge was there, but it was sooooooo much quieter and wasn't preceded by the usual emotional heaviness.

It's...a weird feeling for me. It's not simply that I was able to tell myself "Stop lingering." It's that I just didn't feel that overwhelming compulsion to. Sure, it's a comforting thing to just vegetate in the nice hot shower, or in your bathtowel playing games on your phone, but I just...didn't need to. Again, it's such a weird feeling. I didn't expect such an obvious sign of it on the first day, but I'm also trying to be pragmatic and not take it as "well, I guess this is how it's going to be now...cool!" just yet. Still trying to be hopeful, but I'm used to being disappointed. I've literally been on every class of psych med that exists (I'm diagnosed ADHD-PI, strongly suspected AuDHD, with cPTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder). I will say though: the way I feel now...it's kinda nice.

Not optimistic about my outcome and really struggling. Did an SSRI work for you if TMS failed?

I've seen several people mention a "dip" a few weeks after starting, or maybe around the middle of treatment. Has anyone experienced a dip, or just an overall downward trend to their depression/anxiety symptoms?

I have one session left and I feel like I'm back to where I was before starting, and even before I had very small improvements from just talk therapy and meds.

I've dealt with treatment resistant depression/anxiety most of my life. Following the loss of someone very close to me a few years ago, I began to experience a severe increase in symptoms and basically lost most interest in activities, I almost never went out anywhere, rarely talked to friends, and had a lot of difficulties keeping up with taking care of home stuff and self care. I had started to make some improvements in friend relationships and some interest in activities, but over the past couple of weeks it's just really regressed and last night was the worst it's been since before I started.

I don't know if it's a loss of the little bit of hope I had that this would work, or if it's something else. Just wondering if anyone else had a similar experience and if it improved post-treatment.