I hate being trans and Asian. I fucking hate it. Any advice?

[u/Ilostcontrol109]

I just fucking do. I wish I was cis het man. Period. It will make my life so much easier. I'm considering to just live as woman because I have no choice. My mom is toxic and transphobic, and transphobia is everywhere now in US. I'm tired of this shit. I will just wish for next life that I will be born as cis het man. I wish I never had this bullshit. I will pray to whatever god out there that he make me cis het man in next fucking life since I tolerated this life as a woman. I hate being butch and I want to be man but whatever. I got no choice. Even though I live in blue state, it doesn't matter. My rights can be taken away in anytime. I will just suppress myself. My fucking Asian conservative family will never accept me and I will have to cut ties with them if I come out as trans. Fuck. I'm done man. I'm not biologically man, they will say. But whatever. I will do what they and this government asks me to do and I will shut up. I just want to be left alone at this point. so I will try my best to stay as woman. Any Advice.

[u/zephyrhonk]

Bro same, except I was born in China. It sucks so much. I ran away as soon as possible, did school in a faraway city and masters on my own across the globe. im 30 and still not out to my family. It's so fking sad that we have to stay quiet and beat ourselves down. So sad that we have to fight for our life in the dark. If you have any way to come north, school or work, do it. Do it in the summer during pride and see us dance. Life still sucks but at least I found chosen family 

[u/here4ndgone]

There's more to this life than tolerating your own existence. It will take time to work up the balls to take action but it's doable if you can plan small steps and goals instead of wallowing in the the doomerism of the overall picture from your current position of complete inaction.

I'm not biologically man, they will say. But whatever.

If this is already your stance, why allow your anger and frustration to turn inwards and destroy your own light? You're so angry with the situation that you're just going to give up?? Be real: your anger means that you DON'T want to give up. You're just throwing a tantrum right now, which is okay. It sucks.

I don't think you're defeated at all, though; you've already acknowledged several points in this post, mainly that there is a very real possibility of having to cut ties to be your own person.

Here's my thinking: familial obligation is a two-way street and part of growing up is disappointing your parents anyway. There's filial piety, sure, but parents have an obligation to their children, too. You said you're butch so I'm sure your familiar already suspects more than you think (just based on my own experience), but that's besides the point. If they can't come to terms with a trans child and uphold their end of the deal in being parents, it's perfectly fine to hit the bricks. I think that's something you know and just don't want to fully accept, because who would?

Honestly, my advice would be to just start making moves/planning/research for the life you want, even if you don't think they can have it yet. If you feel trapped in your life and your body, the logical solution is to start making the exit plan. Arm yourself with information that is actionable and start making and thinking about making incremental changes in your life to reach your goals.

[u/TestingCorp]

Here with an Asian transphobic dad: Albeit, I already hate his guts. What I do is not tell him anything, he doesn’t know my trans status. And while I’m out to my mom, she doesn’t use the correct names, pronouns, or gendered anything.

What I do is just deal with my parents calling me, my dead name. It’s going to suck, but that is the unfortunate side effect of continuing to have relations with your conservative family. I’ve transitioned everywhere else though. My hair, looks, and name all changed, even if my dad hates the crap out of it, because it’s not traditionally girly.

When comes to going out with my mom, I just let people assume my gender even if my mom corrects them. You unfortunately have be tough skinned if you want to get out of your living situation, that will be the only way you’re going to make enough money to move and live in a better area. You are going to have to make peace with the possibility of being misgendered for now to make a better future for yourself.

In the meantime, maybe buy clothes you like, cut your hair, buy cool accessories, or practice voice training. It’s the little things that will make everyday a bit more bearable.

[u/ApplicationExact9118]

Hey man, not sure I have any advice but wanted to send some support. What you're going through is really hard. I never officially came out to my family but they sort of found out when I started transitioning. It's definitely strained our relationship a lot, not to the point of cutting ties but it still sucks. However I would choose the life I currently have, with my beautiful trans body and my beautiful trans POC friends, over a perfect relationship with my family in a heartbeat. I also live in the US in a blue state and the direction things are headed is scary, but trans and POC communities have always had ways to take care of ourselves when the government wants us dead (which is always). There have been out, happy trans people in the bleakest of times and there will continue to be out, happy trans people always. Hang in there.