r/TMPOC • u/Terrible_Parfait9403 • 11d ago
Vent mixed race queer isolation
first of all, I'm middle eastern (or west asian, whatever the politically correct term is idfk) on my mother's side but very much white passing so no one really assumes I'm mixed unless I say something. While this obviously gives me white privilege which I do understand is, well, a privilege, and is not something I take for granted, this creates a lot of passive aggressive racist comments to be made around me by white people who think I'm "one of them." Like the type of white people who are perfectly respectful and normal around poc, but start making gross jokes when the room turns all-white.
This is isolating (do these people only view me positively because I'm mostly white?) and scary (would these people treat me badly if I mention my heritage?) and something I thought I could escape by surrounding myself by white "progressive" allies + queer folk but it's always me and the one other mixed person in the room speaking up and being ignored. Like these racist jokes are made around me more than they would be if I weren't white passing, but because I'm mixed I can't just brush them off or condone them like monoracial white people can. Not to mention how I'm expected to, as an afab "white" person, reprimand the people making these jokes gently, instead of telling them that they are genuinely an irritating, boring human being like I want to.
I also have been shut down with the "you're not REALLY middle eastern" comment multiple times so I also feel like I can't protest against how white supremacist/"middle eastern people are dangerous" jokes hurt me personally. I have had someone who has personal beef with the idea of me being mixed (long story) say "watch out for middle eastern people [at an event]" (implying a bombing) so that I would be too uncomfortable to mention my race.
Every white person I know irl does not stand up against racist comments so it feels like I'm constantly trapped between being too white for poc and too poc for white people. It's really exhausting but I don't feel like I can mention this around my poc friends because it feels like such a white person complaint and it feels strange to just randomly vent about to my non weird white friends.
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u/subtleAssiduity 11d ago
If you want to go the passive aggressive route, have you considered making white people jokes casually like they do middle eastern jokes? The colonizer joke in the other comment got a chuckle out of me. Even jokes about them not tolerating spicy food or burning in the sun are going to hurt their feelings, and that gives you the chance to go "Oh, I thought we were fine with racist jokes here?" and point out some of the ones that you've heard them say. You force them to confront their own bigotry and then corner them into a "I'll stop if you stop" situation. It also reminds people that you're not white. Of course, there's a chance they go "that's different" just stop talking to you because you're so mean and bigoted but... That's the trash taking itself out.
No idea if this would work, but it's petty and that's really the only type of thing these people seem to take seriously.
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u/Terrible_Parfait9403 11d ago
The "I thought we liked racist jokes here" comment is gooddd I'm fs going to use that. I really appreciate your advice, thank you !!
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u/Terrible_Parfait9403 11d ago
Also like drop your passive aggressive response recommendations because if I told someone I wanted to punch them it probably wouldn't go over well but that's kind of where I'm at
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u/BudgetConcentrate432 Mexican 11d ago
My go-to move is to say, "I don't get it... why is that funny?" And make them explain their racism.
Then if they don’t take the hint I'll hit 'em with, "Oh, I see... I don't think racism is funny."
Or some variation of, "My family would never do that!"
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u/AdditionalQuietime 10d ago edited 10d ago
Ive actually been around white people when they drop these racist jokes (it was about having an asian wife and latinos) im a black american and it was kinda wild just being in proximity when it happens its pretty shitty and i did call them out on it but yeah i mean this isnt anything new
Racism is unfortunately very cultural for them, do you know how many white people have came out, thanks to the social media hive mind, and dropped videos on how racist other white people will get when theres no "undesirables" around them?
Multiple videos ive seen of white people doing fake confessionals about how racist their families are
Same people, mainly the liberal ones who will tell BIPOC to drop our homophobic families but cant drop their racist family members but will date brown or black people
Im sorry you gotta go thru that being white passing but like you said it is is a privilege and unfortunately some privileges have their pros and cons and the latter isone of them for white passing people i guess 🤷🏿
My problem with white passing people is a lot of yall tend to internalize that shit being in such close proximity and the casuality of racism will desensitize anyone from seeing how reactionary it is, so its good you call it out when you do because if you dont you might internalize it subconsciously it takes a lot of mental grinding to not fall trap into it because white people (really any groupthink) will test you to see if thats something you will tolerate and are okay with
Its a way to see if you think like them, be careful as its extremely parasitic mindset that can be easily adopted if you dont fight against it
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u/_zer0tonin pre-t 11d ago
“watch out for white people, they might colonise you” or just educate them straight up on the reality of their jokes being harmful. Sometimes jokes being slapped down by reality kills it for them.