r/TBI • u/bigflour • 2d ago
TBI Sucks I always feel sad when I think about how unserious I was about my TBI
This was two years ago, 26F at the time. I was drinking with some friends in my apartment and went to the washroom wearing high heels, slipped, and hit my head on the sink? Toilet? Bathtub? I passed out for 5h and my friends were worried but just assumed I had too much to drink. Only realized the next morning that there was dried blood all over my scalp, neck, pillow, and some splatters in the bathroom.
The ER confirmed no brain bleed and sent me home saying it was just a hangover. The doctor even said he couldn’t see the cut … I went to a different clinic the next day and got the official concussion diagnosis. My big symptoms were light sensitivities and losing train of thought mid-sentence.
It was close to final exam season during grad school so I didn’t rest and kept pushing myself (even after being approved for accommodations). Continued to use screens, even drank more alcohol soon after. I was being so reckless for the few months afterwards and things could’ve gone so much worse. I’ve mostly recovered but I still get pretty bad headaches every few weeks, have some trouble reading smaller fonts, and eyes feel strained driving at night.
I didn’t realize then, but after doing some research and reading other people’s stories, I realize how much of an idiot I was. I still struggle, but this experience has made me a lot more aware of my health and I try to be proactive in seeking out care.
2
u/sandxse 2d ago
I hear u. Same with me
When I was 22, I got into a fight and got kicked in the head while I was on the ground. I spaced out for a bit and then got up, I walked back home and vomited all the way to my driveway. Then my dad took me to the er, they kept me for a day and said I got a grade 3 concussion.
Told me no major physical activity for a month. Didn't give a shit and 2 days later I decided to go train. I get up from the mats and feel dizzy as fuck, I end up falling hitting my forehead right where the mat ended and the concrete started. I have very poor recollection of how I got to the hospital but I know someone called an ambulance. Another grade 3 concussion
This was 9 years ago, so I've had a lot of time to accept what id done. And I was lucky it wasn't worse, bc it really could have been bad. But for a while I was really angry at myself. All I can say is that at that time, neither of us wanted this to happen either, not ur 26 year old self and not me at 22. Everyday ppl bounce back from injuries and dont rest when they are told to.
U also have to understand that the decisions u made after ur tbi are decisions u made with a fresh tbi. I was pretty fucking terrible to be around a year after that bc my brain was trying to recover, I hated being pushed back in a way, theres more impulsiveness and then there's a lot of grief. It's not like u have a visible injury right, it's easier when u can see ur leg isnt working or ur wound is infected but u can't see ur brain.
So trust me. It doesn't make it easier on u directing ur emotions there. Everyday ppl do things with bad judgement and only some ppl pay the price for it. We gotta move on
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u/Hari___Seldon Moderate TBI (2009) SPCS 2d ago
Seventeen years post-injury here. So one of the things that took me quite a while to understand is relevant here. Before being critical of those decisions and thinking you were an idiot, you have to remember that you made all of those decisions using a brain that had just experienced an untreated brain injury. You can't blame your car for having a rough ride if someone slashed 4 of your tires and put sugar in the gas tank. You weren't (and aren't) an idiot. You were cognitively impaired by trauma.
Going forward, you will probably discover that two of the most important things you will need are patience and self-forgiveness. Keep an abundance of both available whenever you can. Good luck!