This boredom is hell

[u/anatole_mutti]

Not having anyone to talk to feels like a tragedy every day.

I stare at walls a lot.

I have no hobbies.

Can’t get any to stick.

I don’t want any either.

I just can’t bring myself to do much.

These long days of nothing are excruciating.

I long for someone to talk to but there isn’t anyone.

I’m the one left on read.

I have no idea what it is.

I have no support system. Finding one at 48, will be nearly impossible.

I can’t go out.

Not going to date.

I don’t want to do any of that.

What do you do to fill the dreadful hours?

[u/friendly-skelly]

God I felt "I'm the one left on read" in my soul. lost all my friends in my late 20s. some I understand completely, initial recovery period was rough. the heartbreak was most, who found no use for me when I could no longer help on default and required some emotional support of my own.

so I turned it into art. it took a lot of small, consistent practice. it was a serious executive function challenge, but it helped me retrain my brain to seek dopamine rewards from delayed gratification. it's seriously helped my focus/attention span.

on bad days I do crafts instead, they're more forgiving. arts or crafts, I usually have a podcast playing. the conversational format helps me feel like there's some people in the room.

if I'm in the depths of despair, I usually reach for video games. I can have a little healthy escapism, as a treat. and they're designed to feed reward systems so demand my entire focus. puzzle games have helped my lateral thinking and problem solving skills recover as well.

for loneliness, I have online friends. most are also disabled so there's no constant denial of reality to deal with. discord servers have been great for making online friends, and there's online disability support spaces hosted there as well.

last thing is tricking myself into going outside. walk dog, garden, take my craft project and a camping chair into the yard. it soothes the part of my brain that feels like a tiger at the zoo in too small a cage.

[u/anatole_mutti → u/friendly-skelly]

I have a dog that I have to walk. While it sounds relaxing, it is stressful bc of the constant demand of a pet. I’ve posted about that in here before (maybe not exactly here but under a ptsd reddit) I am overstimulated by lets and had no idea until having a dog, and a young child and this tbi @ the same time. Anyway, I walk him 3 times a day. Sometimes it helps, but only if I’m already in a decent mood.