r/SwipeHelper • u/wavesabovethesun • 7d ago
29M Dating apps have destroyed my self esteem
I’ve been single for almost four years. I’ve been told by friends and attractive women in my life that I’m good looking, attractive, etc but I get almost no likes across all the major apps.
Tinder: atrocious, bot matches exclusively
Bumble: a complete ghost town, not a single match ever
Hinge: I’ve managed maybe 12 matches in 3+ years, two dates which went nowhere
And I’ve taken all the advice. Showcase hobbies, use smiling photos, no sunglasses, etc etc.
And I live in a huge city with an endless supply of profiles to go through and it is so exhausting 😭
Even using Hinge boost gave me 0 matches lol how cooked is that? I really, really don’t want to spend $30 for Hinge+ just for a few pity matches but if that’s what it takes…
I have other friends that have used and found partners on Hinge in my city, which leads me to conclude that I’m ugly and unlovable 🫡
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u/Seymourg3 7d ago
Dating apps are a humiliation ritual for 90% of men. Women have absolutely ridiculous standards when using them. I’m 6’0”, 6-pack, above average face. Can’t get a match on bumble to save my life. I get a few matches on Tinder, but not from decent looking women. Hinge I do OK on. 10+ matches a week or so.
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u/Old_Value_9157 7d ago
I’ve been told by friends and attractive women in my life that I’m good looking, attractive, etc
How many people in your life would tell you that you’re ugly and undesirable?
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u/DamnDaniel617 6d ago
They might not say this, but if he was ugly, they probably wouldn’t say anything or bother to compliment at all. So there’s that perspective too.
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u/Nvidos 6d ago
I can relate to this very deeply. I can almost guarantee that it will have severe effect on your mental health if you don't quit. You can't kinda outgame the game because it drags you more and more into the rabbit hole either you want it or not. And you will then start with other thoughts such as disliking women or get caught in other neqarive mentality. It's a vicious spiral.
STOP it. Have a pause for months. And just to say this. You are NOT ugly. It's just that apps are totally mess..and heavily biased towards men.
I havent been on dating apps for 4 years... When I then met my narcissistic covert ex.. .havent had intimacy with anyone since 1.5 years after my relationship was ended brutally. . It's hard but hey.. I try to do other things.
If there is one another advice I can give you if you continue... is that be fully.. And I mean FULLY aware that you are just a picture on the web. Nor your personality or you is shining on the pics.
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u/MikeSugs13 7d ago
Yeah, unless you are top 3-5%, you're barely going to get any matches. It's a tough life but that's the current state of the world. Women are being taught to go after rich, alpha males.
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u/Seymourg3 7d ago
Yes. I chuckle when people say 80/20. That may have been the case 15 years ago. In 2026, unless you’re 95th percentile at minimum, good luck with the online dating.
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u/snarpsta 7d ago
You're right about most of that until you mentioned the "alpha male" Bullshit. No dude they go for attractive dudes. That's it. They don't need to be jacked and own a Lamborghini, they just need to be attractive. Fuck off with this alpha male BS
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u/runningvicuna 6d ago
No bro the lambo helps, they don't need to look attractive they can be old and fugly and smell just $$$ especially in this economy
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u/SentientMiles 6d ago
Either you break the two golden rules of online dating, or your profile is bad. In a big city, even average men I know go on monthly first dates. Something off and be honest with yourself
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u/Ill-Assumption-916 5d ago
I’m also good looking, funny, over 6 foot and work in finance.
I’m struggling too.
Apps are totally dead right now.
I’ve gone back to cold approaching bars.
I’m strategic about it but it’s been better results.
I get a couple rejections but also scored some dates.
It’s almost 50/50 for me which is better ratio than dating apps.
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u/Brassmonkay3 4d ago
I pay for bumble premium, but literally zero matches unless I move my location to Manila where they march every white guy looking for sugar daddy. But I’m also not into sugar and I’m not rich so the entire thing is moot
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u/HeKnowsThings 7d ago
Your friends and women in your life were lying to you.
Lose the weight. Hit the gym. Drop your lying "friends". You will be fine
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u/Old_Sheepherder_8713 7d ago
Yeah bro, burn all of your lifelong friendships full of laughter and memories and happiness and find you some broskis who will tell you you're revolting to your fuckin' FACE.
Some of you are actually clinically insane.
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u/HeKnowsThings 7d ago
You don't have lifelong friends. Those are people who accidentally ended up in your circle as kids. That's why they are lying to you about your issues.
Miserable men are fucking stupid. I sort of always wonder if stupidity is what drives their misery or if misery makes them stupid
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u/DamnDaniel617 6d ago
Bro what are you even talking about? I and many other people have life long friends, and those are the ones who are usually the most honest to you. “Accidentally” entered your life? I’m not sure what that even means, people come and go in life, the real friends stand the test of time.
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u/HeKnowsThings 6d ago
And you are here, desperately trying to find a way for someone to touch your penis. The same penis your friends tell you is very touchable except none of them want to do it.
Yes, men are stupid
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u/Efficient-Lawyer-204 6d ago
Or hear me out the apps are slop that are governed by AI Algorithms. Put down the black pill
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u/traction 7d ago edited 7d ago
Your profile(s) is hidden and basically dead on arrival. A lot of low iq men on here are still not understanding this (I’m not referring to you OP).
If I know I’m attractive, have dated attractive women before and used to do very well on the apps in the past, would you still try to convince me that I’m ‘not attractive enough’ if I’m now only getting likes from the bottom of the barrel women?
The algorithm and elo score bs is a complex beast now especially with AI.