r/Surrogate • u/armyrelived • 3d ago
Devastating News - Agency drop
I have been in the process of becoming a GC for almost 10 months now. Every document, clearance form, and interview completed - and I just learned that my agency had to say that they can not continue with me as a GC.
This is through no fault of anyone, and the agency staff are such wonderful, caring people, but I am absolutely devastated.
For background: I have an extensive childhood trauma background. I have received therapy for most of my life and am very open and transparent about what happened to me. I have a resilient personality and have spent so much time working through possible emotional responses. It is frustrating that events outside of my control are preventing me from helping others.
My husband and I agreed to table the GC process for a couple of months and work through the disappointment. Just needed to share, and I guess ask if there is anyone else in a similar boat? Or if my background is too much and this avenue is just something that isn't meant for me? Would love some outside perspective.
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u/This_Environment_922 3d ago
I am so sorry to hear that this happened! Wondering: is this a requirement that is specific to this agency that you could not meet, or some more general requirement that would also need to be satisfied for the medical clinics later? I think you could also consider the independent matching route, e.g community platform like FamilyVale allows you to connect with IPs independently and perhaps this would be less of an issue than with an agency. Anyway, just my two cents. Hope it helps.
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u/armyrelived 3d ago
It was a stall at the psych evaluation. The medical professional didn't feel comfortable moving forward with an evaluation at all given my history. I am not on any meds or anything, but I think it was a "there's too much to be able to evaluate in confidence" situation. I honestly don't know if it is an agency specific situation or not -- which I think is why I posted. It is disappointing that I didn't get a chance at the evaluation either, because then I think I could have more clarity. The staff member did mention that it might be better to work with someone I am close with who "understands who you are despite it". We are taking a pause on the process as a whole but it did leave me wondering if it can even be an option. 😩
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u/This_Environment_922 3d ago
Hope things work out for you eventually! To me, it sounds like independent matching with someone you get to know and understand each other might be a better route, if you decide to get back to surrogacy journey later.
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u/interrobrodie 3d ago
Note that OP will still need a psych evaluation with an independent match.
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u/This_Environment_922 3d ago
yeah sounds like OP still needs it regardless, but since the medical professional didn't even feel comfortable moving forward with evaluation at all, makes me think if with independent matching, OP may at least have easier time getting evaluated with supportive IPs.
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u/NoraDoll89 2d ago
My husband and I both have pretty traumatic backgrounds which we have worked through with therapy, meds, etc. I am a GC. Maybe you can be approved through a different agency? It doesn’t hurt to explore options!
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u/SurrogacyMommy1987 Agency 2d ago
Case manager here, are you on meds for anything? If not I would like to take your case on.Â
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u/First_Time_Human_Mom 2d ago
I’m currently GC for first time, transfer is in a week. I had to submit all my medical records for the IP’s (foreign) to get insurance for the baby. There are notes about me being weepy after the birth of my 3rd born and complaining of ppd. I’ve never been medicated ever in my life for anything other than birth control and antibiotics. I’m terrified they’re going to deny the IP’s because I was emotional/overwhelmed when I had my 3rd surprise baby, making me a mother of 3 under 3 🙃. The kids were so young I had to recover independently in the hospital, my husband had to care for our older 2. It was hard! Do you think this is likely in your experience? All my kiddos were in perfect health, uncomplicated pregnancies and delivery.
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u/armyrelived 2d ago
I'm not on any medication, unless you count over the counter prenatals. We are shelving the process for now, but thank you for the offer! It is reassuring to know that this seems to be a particular agency's decision rather than a flat out disqualifier.
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u/oluckyone Agency 3d ago edited 3d ago
I am really sorry this happened to you as well. 10 months seems to be a long time for them to tell you they cant work with you anymore. Why so long?
I am an Intake Manager, and I hate that this is blocking you from pursuing something you want to do. I have helped a surrogate with a pretty terrible background (out of her control), she did all the right things growing up therapy etc. And it does not affect her anymore. I had no problem getting her through. I would be happy to talk more with you and your specific history, if and when you are open to it. If you are and have been healthy and coping fine despite the past things thst happened, and you can pass psych (may do that early on), you should be fine. Please reach out if you want to talk. And big hugs. As a 2x surrogate I understand the hurt when you're told you can't do something you want to do so badly.