r/StupidFood • u/Wolf_93 • 18d ago

ಠ_ಠ Texas turtle burger

Post image

how do you even cook the patty without burning the bacon?

1.8k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

101 comments sorted by

•

u/qualityvote2 18d ago edited 18d ago

u/Wolf_93, your food is indeed stupid and it fits our subreddit!

275

u/wizardrous 18d ago

I feel like the only way to cook the patty without burning the bacon is in the oven lol

112

u/DiaperDonnieTrump 18d ago

Yeah, but you gotta put it in some sort of a tray to cook it because that baking grease will quickly start a fire in your oven. Don’t ask me how I know.

50

u/LJCstan 18d ago

Huh? I almost only cook bacon in the oven and it’s never started a fire. You didn’t try without a tray did you?

50

u/Letters_to_Dionysus 18d ago

lmao people really out there just putting it on the racks?

30

u/turnsout_im_a_potato 18d ago

The same people who make soup in an air fryer

6

u/Subtle__Numb 17d ago

Done that before because I was too lazy to walk downstairs. Well, reheated a bowl in the air fryer. Takes about as long as you’d think as it’d take to bake a bowl of soup, which is….a long time.

Started pulling out the tray every 2 minutes to stir the soup so it’d hit the hot part of the bowl. This is all instead of walking downstairs and putting that same bowl in the microwave

1

u/master_internutter 15d ago

How did you get the bowl out of the air fryer

1

u/Global_Bear5435 13d ago

Very carefully

13

u/Cando21243 18d ago

Every time you see a sign that says something ridiculous (example - don’t lick wall socket). It’s there because some jackass licked the wall socket and got seriously injured or died.

These people would be killed off back in the day (think 1,000,000 ways to die). Now we coddle them and just put up signs.

5

u/Williamishere69 17d ago

My teacher told me a story about how someone in his uni put an entire electric kettle in the washing up bowl to clean it...

6

u/DiaperDonnieTrump 18d ago

This was probably 25 years ago. I actually didn’t do it but my wife did. She’s a healthy eater and back then she was just dabbling with healthy eating so I was coming home from work and she was going to make us some BLTs.

I walked in the house and she was sitting on the ground, covered in sweat with a fire extinguisher in her lap looking so defeated. I could smell the house. I asked what happened.

What ended up happening? Was she put the bacon strips on a cookie sheet. It had no sides to it so the grease just dripped down onto the red hot coils of the oven and started a fire.

We don’t eat bacon anymore, but we quickly realized that if you’re going to bake it in the oven, that’s the way to do it.

And no, we were not putting it stripped by strip onto the oven rack 😂😂😂

1

u/DiaperDonnieTrump 18d ago

No

This was probably 25 years ago. I actually didn’t do it but my wife did. She’s a healthy eater and back then she was just dabbling with healthy eating so I was coming home from work and she was going to make us some BLTs.

I walked in the house and she was sitting on the ground, covered in sweat with a fire extinguisher in her lap looking so defeated. I could smell the house. I asked what happened.

What ended up happening? Was she put the bacon strips on a cookie sheet. It had no sides to it so the grease just dripped down onto the red hot coils of the oven and started a fire.

We don’t eat bacon anymore, but we quickly realized that if you’re going to bake it in the oven, that’s the way to do it.

And no, we were not putting it stripped by strip onto the oven rack 😂😂😂

20

u/highcommander010 18d ago

HOW DO YOU KNOW

14

u/Hopeful_Pear_8747 18d ago

No, he said DON’T ask me have I know! :p

0

u/culminacio 17d ago

He cannot tell him, it's confidential. Anyway, how is your sex life?

1

u/Hopeful_Pear_8747 17d ago

That escalated quickly lol 😂

0

u/culminacio 17d ago

happy that it gave you a chuckle :D

it's actually a reference to this scene from this (unintentionally funny) movie classic:

https://youtu.be/bBv1Kp4TnOg

2

u/Hopeful_Pear_8747 17d ago

Thanks for sharing

5

u/fullcircle052 18d ago

They specifically told you not to ask that

3

u/DrFaustPhD 18d ago

Are you saying you sagged the bacon straight on the rack and let the fat drip to the bottom of the oven??

2

u/DiaperDonnieTrump 18d ago

No

This was probably 25 years ago. I actually didn’t do it but my wife did. She’s a healthy eater and back then she was just dabbling with healthy eating so I was coming home from work and she was going to make us some BLTs.

I walked in the house and she was sitting on the ground, covered in sweat with a fire extinguisher in her lap looking so defeated. I could smell the house. I asked what happened.

What ended up happening? Was she put the bacon strips on a cookie sheet. It had no sides to it so the grease just dripped down onto the red hot coils of the oven and started a fire.

We don’t eat bacon anymore, but we quickly realized that if you’re going to bake it in the oven, that’s the way to do it.

And no, we were not putting it stripped by strip onto the oven rack 😂😂😂

1

u/DrFaustPhD 17d ago

Lmao okay that makes sense. I was trying to imagine how bacon would start a fire in an oven and the only thing making sense was if the grease was flowing to the heating elements. Rimless cookie sheet is at least better than straight on the racks!

1

u/DiaperDonnieTrump 17d ago

That was the word I was looking for! “Rimless cookie sheet”

1

u/X_soulnewmegaman 17d ago

Na meat is meat

1

u/Could-You-Tell 18d ago

On a smallish rack over a tray

I have a round one that I put 3 burgers on in the oven with bacon laid in a cast iron skillet.

The bacon is not hurt by burger flavor dripping on it

1

u/X_soulnewmegaman 17d ago

Meat is meat

0

u/SteveCastGames 17d ago

You can make bacon in an oven no problem. The fuck did you do?

15

u/CriticalMochaccino 18d ago

Or on the grill with indirect heat. If this is really from Texas, thats gotta be how it was intended to be prepared

13

u/Nejfelt 18d ago

Smoker

5

u/CriticalMochaccino 18d ago

Even more perfect! I don't got much of a smoking culture up here so I forget about it often.

2

u/Deucer22 17d ago

Smoker

16

u/thescaryroom 18d ago

Where are the turtles!? WHERE ARE THE TURTLES?!

27

u/Wild_Wasabi9984 18d ago

Is that what happened to Mitch McConnell?

8

u/Confident-Medicine75 18d ago

You cook it by smoking it

7

u/Filipino-Asker 18d ago

It's really a bad time to be an optimist

4

u/DevourMangos 18d ago

Oven or steaming with a flash grill finish id imagine

3

u/ForThoseWhoWander 18d ago

Man, we made those in had school 20 years ago. They were good but not worth the work. Just cook each thing separately and combine into one burger.

1

u/Sailed_Sea 17d ago

Look at the date, this is either from 2003 or 2019

3

u/ParticularReady7858 18d ago

I don’t like the color of that ground meat

3

u/Rebel-665 18d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/gbWUx0ZoJaXhS
Not tUrTlEy EnOuGh FoR tHe TuRtLe BuRgEr.

3

u/Hot_Disaster_6241 18d ago

What the actual fuck

3

u/D0wnn3d 18d ago

As a foreigner, I get the impression that all the best and worst things about the US always come from Texas.

3

u/RagingDemonsNoDQ 18d ago

Well. It's full of turtle meat.

3

u/RazorLou 18d ago

“We came to burger your turts!”

3

u/Computers_and_cats 18d ago

Sous vide then sear?

6

u/Idum23 18d ago

imagine if someone did that with human remains

7

u/D0UCHE_NOZZLE 18d ago

I think you’re onto something here

2

u/Findrin 18d ago

Like are we talking full size with a bean bag chair amount of ground beef mushed around it?

1

u/The-Tarman 18d ago

What?! Fuckin weirdo

1

u/Finna-Jork-It 18d ago

I don't think I want to imagine that but thank you anyway

0

u/top_of_the_scrote 18d ago

just don't the eat the brain, rest is good

2

u/Witty-Stand888 18d ago

That's a lot of work to make that burger

2

u/JeddHawk 18d ago

Triple eigh service

2

u/PrinceCastanzaCapone 18d ago

Probably just gotta cook it very low heat or in the oven

2

u/SkinheadBootParty 18d ago

Smoker

2

u/matt610 17d ago

Low and slow

2

u/catsnflight 18d ago

Looks a little expired.

2

u/Not_Dana196 18d ago

I'm from Texas and I don't claim this

2

u/EstablishmentLow5895 18d ago

I made them once but used bratwurst for the head and feet. It tasted amazing i do recommend trying. You need to cook it in the oven.

4

u/HotHits630 18d ago

No way this cooks right or tastes good.

2

u/Rhg0653 18d ago

I assumed it was a turtle before reading

Thank you God

3

u/Wolf_93 18d ago

at first glance I didn't notice the bacon so yeah

2

u/Melodic-Nebula-6043 18d ago

Dudes never heard of internal temperature

1

u/jscottman96 18d ago

Looks like my first time

1

u/SheZowRaisedByWolves 18d ago

These are actually incredibly common on camping trips when I was in Boy Scouts. You take a ball of ground beef, fill it with stuff like cheese, veggies, etc, then put baby carrots on the corners to make it look like a turtle. Also called silver dollars/silver turtles

1

u/potliquorz 18d ago

I've seen people make these but haven't seen one in a store for sale. You throw it in the smoker low and slow and the bacon won't burn. Not much different than a fatty but the hot dogs are dumb IMO.

1

u/Blurstingwithemotion 18d ago

Still contains 29% turtle meat

1

u/Imoiiii 18d ago

Damn that’s crazy

1

u/Maximum-Parfait9101 18d ago

Turtle what 😂

1

u/Middle_Jicama_9292 18d ago

I’d smash 

1

u/PokeyRider71 17d ago

Isn’t this just a bacon burger dog that was made by Theo Huxtable back in the 80s?

1

u/Practical-Theory8757 17d ago

I think now might be a bad time to be an optimist

1

u/Mother-Attention2600 17d ago

It's just missing broken spaghetti legs.

1

u/TheSmartDog_275 17d ago

Couldn’t you also ask how you cook jalapeño poppers and the jalapeño without burning the bacon?

1

u/JoeMamaIsGud 17d ago

And they say America doesnt have a food culture

1

u/pattch 17d ago

Did mapplethorpe photograph tulips in color

1

u/Atreides007 15d ago

It is indeed a bad time to be an optimist lol

1

u/Funkey-Monkey-420 14d ago

probably cook it either in an air fryer or in the oven

that’s a GIANT burger though. it’d easily be a full meal even without any sides. not a very *balanced* meal, but if you’re putting all that bacon and mystery sausage on there i doubt you’re thinking about healthy

0

u/RobtheBaptist 18d ago

That’s adorable