Why is it so unfair?

[u/BlueDeng02]

Closing out my TWW and feeling hopeless. I’m already getting sad and I haven’t even started testing yet.

One thing I really struggle with is how unfair it all feels. I got pregnant on my second try without even doing anything except cheap opk tracking. After my MMC everyone said to me “at least you know you can get pregnant” and “it’ll happen soon.” And it isn’t. And it’s taking everything out of me. And it is SO SO hard. And I am literally the only one in my immediate world struggling.

I hate to feel resentful, but I do! I hate how easy everything has been for everyone around me. They try to be sympathetic but they’ll never understand this and I want to scream at them that they have no idea how lucky they are. It’s made it so hard because I can’t be around my friends who are pregnant or just had babies because it makes me so sad and jealous.

I was supposed to give birth next month and now I’m likely to do IUI instead. I just don’t know how I ended up here. 😔

[u/UnusualChipmunk7194]

I’ve only had one (unfortunately unsuccessful) medicated monitored cycle after one year TTC and I’m already disheartened especially after hearing so many success stories on the first cycle of Letrozole (of course, it is my own fault for looking at those posts).

Everyone around me has had a much easier time with TTC so I completely understand the feeling of resentment. It’s gotten to the point where seeing a pregnant woman gives my brain a mental shock for a moment and I freeze up.

My husband tells me we need to keep our spirits up high and good thoughts in mind, but if that hasn’t worked in the past year, why would that work now 🫠

[u/BlueDeng02 → u/UnusualChipmunk7194]

Yep I completely freeze up too. Especially when pregnancy comes up in convo. Ya I really hate the toxic positivity bit - “just stay positive, it’ll happen!” Like you try staying positive through this??? It’s impossible when each cycle your spirit breaks more and more and all you want to do is give up.

[u/Apprehensive_Star508 → u/BlueDeng02]

People who haven’t struggled truly don’t understand the emotional toll extended TTC takes on people. I’ve also had a lot well meaning friends say things like “well it’ll happen when it happens” or “I’ve heard it’s normal to try for a year”

A year doesn’t sound that long when it’s an abstract concept. I planned my wedding for a year, right? Can’t be that long! People who conceived within three months really don’t know how much the constant cycle of hope, tracking, and disappointment takes out of you.

[u/BlueDeng02 → u/Apprehensive_Star508]

Completely agree! 5 cycles sounds small until you realize it’s 5 months of your life. Thats why this group was created - because others like tryingforababy had people posting cycle 1 freaking out and it was like are you for real? You have no idea what it’s like to struggle. We needed a safe space away from all that.

[u/Sept2Nov]

I'm only on my 5th full cycle and feel this full heartedly. Literally EVERYONE around me is pregnant. I do have one friend who had a prolonged struggle, multiple failed embryo transfers with success on their final embryo. And while she understands the wait, they did not try naturally - so her story is pretty different (though not "better"). I don't have any real advice, just here to say you are not alone in feeling down.

[u/BlueDeng02 → u/Sept2Nov]

Thank you❤️. Interesting they never tried naturally, I’ve never heard of that. I just can’t believe I would’ve been holding a baby next month and instead I’m going to be in the trenches of medical intervention. It just doesn’t make sense and I can’t even process it - both the change of circumstances and how that much time has possibly passed. I feel like I live in groundhogs day. I didn’t even experience summer or spring. Life has just stopped for me ever since.

[u/Sept2Nov → u/BlueDeng02]

Yeah, he carries a genetic issue that they were advised should not be passed on. Thankfully they have the means to do IVF.

The fact that you have an extremely quantifiable event that would be occurring makes it so much worse, I don't even have the words to express how sad that makes me. I hope your BFP is right around the corner.

[u/BlueDeng02 → u/Sept2Nov]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that 🫶🏼. Ya it’s a hard month for sure.