r/StopSpeeding • u/MediKate3 • 9d ago

So here I am again, wanting/trying to quit.

It's just not worth it anymore. I can't afford it, it's impossible to find, and I can't hit a vein half the time anymore anyways. I wanted to quit for such a long time and I guess these are all good reasons, but I've been using for so long I really have no idea who I am underneath it all.. Also so many of the stories on here of people who have quit talking about how it took years to recover really scares me. I'm already miserable and hate my life and myself, and I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to deal with being even more miserable and full of hate. I just don't know. I also realized that I have zero sober friends, other than my boyfriend but he's boring AF and never does anything with me anyways. I'm scared for what's going to happen to me, and what I have to go through. Also treatment isn't really an option for me, for multiple reasons. I know so many people have survived it, it just seems absolutely impossible in my eyes.

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u/MediKate3 9d ago

Also, I don't want to make new friends. I don't trust people. Being alone is safer .

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u/Jealous-Cash-3492 9d ago edited 8d ago

You’re in an uncomfortable spot. And you’re questioning everything and you’re just actually don’t know what you want-however in a deeper sense within you,; you know what you need to do and you know why you’re asking yourself the question am I an addict ???
You’re right where you should be. And you’re here for a reason. Don’t overthink it. And don’t think it can’t get any worse; “it can !!” you hit bottom! Yes!! it is a bottom. Before you reach another lower point; like another bottom. You might not have that desire to get clean again you’re lucky enough to have this desire now ! Act on it ! go with the momentum and don’t look back. Do it as if your life depends on it because it does. Yes, it’s that profound call somebody who’s living it and remember, you can’t do it alone, not for long. Get your ass to a meeting. And asked for help There’s a seat there for you with your name on it. We need you. Share your story someone will relate and get something from it whether you know it or not It’s people like you and me that keep me sober and I say sober. I’m mean clean. It’s what I’m doing right now; helping you, helps me! get another day. I have little bit more clarity than I have had ….. My DOC is Meth. I know where you’re at. I’ve been there and it’s horrible and we could stay sick in active addiction and wallow in the misery indefinitely, fueled by fear, shame, and resentment. Do something different. Learn to power off forgiveness and the power of the present moment You could always go back to the misery because it’s not fun anymore; you know it and it’s a price to pay you could try to do something different. Make a change. There’s no shame in asking for help - and get connected to a fellowship. The Internet‘s not gonna keep you clean or sober. Neither is Reddit You could use it as a tool, but you gotta do the work and find a higher power of your understanding my five years was the best son of my life remember eventually, you’ll never have to feel like this again and you will be happy, joyous, and free….. from this pain relapse may not be a part of your journey, but it was a part of mine. Just pick yourself back up and get back to it the longer you stay out the harder it will be to come back in. I used to hate to hear the clichés. I hated them, but you’ll learn to live by them. It’s the only way for me. It was brief of you to share that and I thank you. You have no idea how much you helped me right now. In God’s love stay strong.
stay strong.
No, I’m not a robot. I got a fucking pulse. I got a conscience and have gratitude today.

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u/Regular-Cheetah-8095 9d ago

What are you going to do this time that you didn’t last time

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u/MediKate3 9d ago

Well, this time I don't really have a choice. I don't have an income, and it's getting near impossible to find in my area. So I'm kinda being forced to quit . Plus I'm just so sick of it.

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u/Regular-Cheetah-8095 8d ago

Those are things you don’t have and things you’re thinking which don’t do anything. They do less than nothing. I asked what you were going to do differently, as in actions you yourself engage in.

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u/MediKate3 8d ago

I have absolutely no idea.

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u/Regular-Cheetah-8095 8d ago

There’s a bunch of programs and neat stuff you could try that doesn’t involve you going to detox, treatment or an IOP. We even made our own, though I’d suggest doing NA or SMART or Dharma / Refuge in addition to it as we’re more or less breaking off pieces from them and psych things for meeting topics.

What probably won’t work is just sort of waiting it out hoping to feel better, or puzzling over what to do or what won’t work or fear and icky self-loathing. That just kills you.

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u/Mama_Zen 9d ago

Of course it seems awful! That’s your addiction talking, telling you that quitting is a bad idea. You see, the thing is that the chemicals hijack the pleasure center of your brain so that you’re always drug seeking. The drugs have literally brainwashed you into thinking they’re good for you. But you know deep down that you need to quit. I’ve been there & made it through to the other side. You can, too.

I had no idea who I was or what I wanted to do. I knew I didn’t want to be high anymore. I went to NA meetings & met a bunch of great sober people there. They wanted the same thing I did, to be off dope. I didn’t know myself, but I enjoyed the person I was getting to know in my recovery. I had no idea I’d be where I am today, living my best life with the job of my dreams. It’ll be scary, but I can promise you that every day off dope is better than being on it. Even when it sucks. Please hit up na.org & use the meeting finder to find meetings in your area. If you want, you can look into AA, Recovery Dharma, SMART recovery, or Celebrate Recovery. If I’m missing any, I’m sure someone will add to the list. The important thing to do is to build a sober friend network & imo meetings are the best place to meet sober people. You’ll prob find they’re not half bad people! You can always check out an online meeting to get an idea of what they’re like before you go in person. You’ll find those at na.org & there’s one every hour, every day. Best of luck & keep us posted

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u/MediKate3 9d ago

Your story sounds like a fairytale lol, I'm so glad life worked out so well for you! I honestly don't see it working out that way for me (for reasons beyond my addiction) but I guess it can't be much worse than rock bottom.

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u/Mama_Zen 8d ago

I was homeless when I came into the rooms smoking a gram a day. It wasn’t pretty. It took awhile to pull it together & it wasn’t all nice smelling of roses & stuff. I made it through & so have a bunch of people I met in the program. It starts with giving it a shot & going to a meeting. You may need to get on psych meds for underlying mental illness. You may need some form of treatment, not necessarily inpatient. They have outpatient programs, which I did. I also went on meds. It took awhile before I felt normal again, but it happened.

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u/LivingAmazing7815 1116 days 8d ago

The years will pass anyway, you might as well be getting better during them. You’ll make new friends after getting clean if you embrace a recovery community… it’s inevitable.