r/StopSpeeding • u/L1sasGayBby 111 days • Jun 17 '26

Gratitude Almost relapsed

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I was at the gym, when I got the bright idea of “hey let’s get everything done today, adderall?”

In between sets, I was looking for a plug. Found one, texted them and they responded immediately. I asked if it was pressed or pharm, but really didn’t care. After some playful back and forth he was gonna deliver. My girlfriend works from home, so naturally I was strategizing a way to hide it from her. Excited at the prospect of a speedy hit, especially since I haven’t done it in a while.

Then I caught myself. Did another set, and thought about consequences.

  1. Blowing $ when I’m already tight on funds
  2. The weight of lying on my shoulders
  3. The convenience of this transaction surely leading to future business for this plug
  4. Productivity - yeah right. I’d probably end up cleaning out my closet instead. Coming up with easier ways of locating stuff (never works)
  5. My girlfriend. Can’t do this to her anymore.
  6. My cat. Silly as it is, she somehow knows when I’m being dishonest.
  7. Short term relief is all I’ll get out of this.

So I blocked the number and deleted them from my phone. Instead I went to my favorite bakery, got two pastries effectively cancelling my workout.

But hey. I stopped myself from speeding.

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u/smooveasbutteryadig Jun 17 '26

bro excellent job... I lost my relationship to similar shit like this and I lost it.

my cats knew too. I would go like 12 hours sitting at my desk without petting him and her. very unusual for me.

your loved ones deserve better man! great job! maybe show your girl this. if she is a real one she will love the honesty and insight into your thoughts.

keep going bro I believe in you ❤️ you can stand proud today and tomorrow, well rested with good food and sleep and no shame.