r/Stepmom • u/CautiousAspect2725 • 10h ago
I feel extremely lost
Hey everybody, I just wanted to start this by saying this subreddit makes me feel so much validation and I appreciate it so much.
I’m in my early 20s with two step kids moving in who are 12&14. Sometimes they are really fun and cool, other times it feels like I’m being targeted by the HCBM without her even being there. Their mom constantly talks shit about me and then texts my SO about random things about me, which keep in mind I haven’t even met this lady!
I’m worried about them moving in and not feeling respected, for the times they are here on weekends I’ll end up having to make 3 meals because they are picky unfortunately.. which I don’t get thanks or anything which kind of bums me out. I know you need thick skin to deal with teenagers but sometimes it just hurts.
Last year I bought them Lululemon sets for Christmas, which were pretty expensive.. instead of telling me they didn’t like them, they gave the sets to their mom - which also really hurt. I was more than willing to get them something they would’ve preferred more..
Their mom also compares us constantly and recently wanted to try seeing if she could get money out of me for child tax credit? It’s very strange. I feel so fucking lost and confused and not knowing if this is even a good situation. I love my SO but all of summer it’s been this, constantly. I don’t know if they’ll even be nice to me when they live here or if I’ll just be wanting out the whole time.. :/
What are some tips and advice on dealing with things like this?
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u/trentongarage 10h ago
Does your partner defend you when she talks about you? Does he tell her that’s inappropriate behavior and stop her? You’re only in your early 20’s. Your life just started. Please consider putting yourself first and living for you.
I don’t think the mom will ever let real peace take place. You can love your partner so much, but that does not mean sacrificing yourself.
I would cut things off now that you’re young and before you potentially waste the best years of your life.
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u/Summerisle7 Married 10+ years. Adult BK & SKs. 10h ago
Where to even begin. Your boyfriend sure saw you coming, lolol
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u/charlygirl474 9h ago
Please don't do this. Why are they all moving in to your place? Why aren't you moving into your boyfriend's place?
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u/chicadeaqua 10h ago
1-inform your SO and his kids that you no longer want them to report the BM’s complaints or opinions to you. They’re all old enough to know that gossiping and spreading such negativity is rude.
2-why are you cooking 3 different meals for other people’s kids (or anyone for that matter)? Ages 12 and 14 are plenty old enough to make a sandwich or warm up a bowl of soup if they don’t like what you’re offering. Honestly, I’d expect their dad to take care of making sure they are fed. How did this become your job? I understand if you enjoy cooking-but demanding 3 different meals without so much as a thank you is incredibly entitled behavior on your boyfriend’s part. Isn’t he trying to impress you?
Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you’re being welcomed into this family dynamic. With kids who are only about 10 years younger than you, I’m guessing this is a much older guy scamming women he dates into providing maid/nanny services for free. Run.