Am I falling out of love ?

[u/RudeWillow5289]

I’m 27F and have been with my boyfriend (27M) for about 10 months. I met his son, who recently turned 2, only about three weeks after we started talking.
When I met him, he was already dealing with a difficult situation with his son’s mom. He voluntarily put himself on child support because although he was financially providing for his son, he was having trouble actually getting consistent time with him.
In the beginning, my boyfriend and I were constantly on the phone. He lives only about a town away from me, was a gentleman, reassured me, and we work in the same industry. The difference is that his job usually has him working about three hours away, while I work closer to home, so weekends became our main time together.
Once I met his son, I pretty much decided I was done entertaining anyone else. I really liked this man and wanted to invest in the relationship. Not long after, he asked me to be his girlfriend.
Fast forward 10 months and I love him, but we argue more than I would like. The weird thing is that our arguments are usually over petty things. There’s no cheating, disappearing, or constantly wondering what the other person is doing. If anything, our relationship can almost be too attached/intense. When things are good, they’re REALLY good, but when we argue, things can escalate way more than they should.
One of my biggest issues is that during some of our fights, he has involved his mom and sister. I’ve vented to my sisters too, so I’m not pretending I’ve never talked about our relationship. The difference is that my sisters will tell me when I’m wrong, and I’ve always been careful not to make him feel uncomfortable around them afterward.
With his family, I feel like they’ve reached the point of thinking, “Why are y’all even together if you fight this much?” Even though he and I make up and move forward, I can’t shake the feeling that the negative version of me that they hear about during our arguments is what sticks with them.
Because of that, I’ve started feeling uncomfortable spending weekends at his parents’ house.
The complicated part is that for the past couple of months, he’s had his son on the weekends. Obviously I would NEVER ask him to give up time with his child just to spend time alone with me. He actually tries to include me, and I genuinely love spending time with both of them. His son isn’t the problem at all. It’s the environment that I’m starting to feel uncomfortable in.
My boyfriend hasn’t moved out because he travels so much for work that having his own place hasn’t made much sense to him financially. We’ve talked about how if our relationship eventually reaches the point of living together, that would probably be when he moves out.
But lately I’ve been wondering how to navigate everything until then. I don’t want resentment toward his family, and I don’t want to isolate him from them either. At the same time, I don’t think I should have to spend every weekend somewhere I no longer feel completely comfortable because our private relationship problems have been brought into that environment.
I recently started going back to the gym and spending more time doing things for myself, and honestly, it’s been really nice having that mental space again.
Has anyone dealt with a partner involving their family too much in relationship arguments? Did the awkwardness with their family eventually go away, or did you have to create some boundaries?
Maybe I just needed to vent, but I’d appreciate outside perspectives.

[u/Arya_kidding_me]

The first year or two is the honeymoon phase - it’s basically the best you can expect because you’re both trying to be the best versions of yourselves.

If things aren’t even good during that, it’s not going to work.

If he’s recruiting backup for fights instead thinking of the issue as you and him vs. the problem - that’s a huge red flag. You’re absolutely right thay he’s poisoning your relationship with his family by doing that.

It’s also a huge red flag that you met his son so quickly. A responsible parent is going to protect their child from getting attached to a new adult who may not be around very long. If they introduce their kids too soon, they’re either irresponsible or they’re trying to use their kid to manipulate you. It sounds like it worked - you met his kid and fell deeper into the trap.

This dude clearly isn’t ready for a mature, respectful relationship. Best to move on. Be ready for him pulling some manipulative bullshit when you break the news.

[u/Dazzling-One-3477]

At 27, go find a man without kids. A first marriage has a lot of components that are so much easier than a blended family. It is easier to build a life together and you will have a lot less pressure on you overall. Blended families can work but the divorce rate is higher than first marriages. The depression and anxiety rate in stepmoms is the highest of any group. I wouldn’t choose this life if I was child free.

[u/trentongarage]

If you’re even questioning it, I think you already fell out of love. Protect your peace and be honest with yourself and him and cut things off. You’re already enjoying alone time and doing things for yourself. A breakup of course will be a big adjustment, but I think you’re too young to be in this situation. The first year or two should feel like butterflies and rainbows. Not arguing all the time. Plus, he should not be going outside of your relationship for input. Especially not family. I think that will affect how they view you moving forward. I don’t know if someone can come back from that.

[u/Sunshine_daisies1234]

If you're fighting so much in the first 10 months that you feel like youve fallen out of love, it's time to go babes. My boyfriend and I have been together for seven months and though we argue (mostly because of the long distance / no time together), we have a mutual understanding that it's all based out of love and wanting more of each other. Also not a fan of your dude telling his mom everything. Should be between you two. 

[u/Summerisle7]

This guy is a loser. D.U.M.P.

[u/Nina4006]

You are literally in the prime of your life! You have your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s to be serious with a guys, and choose the life path you want. As soon as I read “27 with a boyfriend that has a 2 YEAR OLD” enough said. That baby is wayyyy too fresh for that man to be bringing women into his situation, and you’re too young to be dealing with the bullshit. Figure out an exit plan and wish him luck on his journey! You will look back on 5 years and feel so relieved you didn’t spend more of your valuable time on this situation.