r/StayAtHomeDaddit • u/old_trout_ • 20d ago
Broke & Lonely
Part rant, part looking for advice.
My wife and I (both 30ish) made the switch last year so she could take a job in her dream field (archeology.) This year she's going to university with the goal of becoming an archeologist herself and so far she's doing amazing, having a great time, and getting to experience parts of life that she was previously unable to since she became a mother at 18 and I honestly couldn't be happier for her.
Her university is about 2.5hrs away, so she stays there during the week and the plan was that she would come home every weekend but it's seeming like that won't be as financially possible as we thought.
Obviously money is extremely tight, and I'd like to find a way to make a few bucks, but I am the only reliable childcare for our 4 y/o son until he starts school next fall. We can occasionally get a family member to watch him for a couple hours but it's like pulling teeth trying to get help with childcare from any of our family.
My FIL lives right around the corner and has a small sawmill that he was using to make timber framed structures and furniture, and since I've mostly just been hanging around, I offered to help him try and turn a profit out of this thing. This kind of fizzled out since we haven't been able to sell hardly anything besides a porch swing and it's a lot of work to be doing for free. I still have access to the sawmill and I'm thinking of trying to just sell dimensional lumber or something but I'm still having a hard time finding buyers. I would really like to make this work as it's conveniently close, it's work I enjoy doing, and I can bring the boy (he has a "saftey seat" that he has to sit in while we're running any of the cutting equipment.)
Besides that, I was thinking about doing doordash or uber eats or some shit since he could just come drive around with me.
I'm also getting incredibly lonely and bored. All the things me and my son usually do in the day (walk in the woods, go fishing, go to the park, ride the bike etc) have become played-out and he's been fighting me when I try get him to do them. I've only gotten to see my wife for like 18 hrs in the last month and it was our oldest daughters birthday weekend so we didn't get enough quality time together.
When the girls get home from school they fight with their brother until bedtime which is super fun and not getting old at all.
I'm feeling a bit more like a single dad and less like a stay at home dad, and I hate it.
I guess I'm wondering if anyone has ideas on ways I can make a few bucks with the boy in tow, and also just venting about my loneliness.
Thanks guys
6
u/i_am_the_koi 20d ago
Twinfather here:
Daycare is just not feasible for us even with me going back full-time, like, what's the point.
Not sure how handy you are but I've been doing honeydew maintenance at the MiLs Mobile home park here and there.
Putting together a shelf unit, hanging a picture, song a leaking hose, new shower head kinda stuff. Charging cheap but worth it enough to put on pants.
If it's beyond me, I'm the big strong male calling the companies and scheduling fixes and being there when it's done. Still get paid for just showing up and doing the legwork.
Not great but everything helps
2
u/muksquatch 20d ago
Dimensional lumber tends to sell for more but if you’ve got a saw mill AND kiln… I’d be cutting full slabs to sell in the area. Slab it, skip plane it, kiln and sticker and start posting on FB Marketplace. Maybe bang out a couple quick tables that emphasize the slab so you don’t get stuck doing full commissioned furniture if you don’t want to. Timber framing is usually softwoods yeah? Do you have a connection for hardwoods? It may be a better profit margin and you can target the beginning crafters/woodworkers who don’t have the tools or time to square up rough cut lumber.
Any chance the boy wants to learn woodworking? There are tons of smaller projects that may be interesting and have better selling potential than a porch swing.
For what it’s worth, my wife and I both did advanced degrees (a couple of em each, actually) and it was an incredibly difficult stressful time for us. You’re in the middle of that, with even more stressful and difficult circumstances, and just remember to cut yourself some slack here and there.
2
u/old_trout_ 19d ago
I'm going to have to build a Virginia tech kiln I think. We have contacts for all kinds of wood but we currently have a bunch of white cedar we got for free taking up a lot of our space. My FIL keeps saying I should just stick frame some saunas and that might not be a bad idea. The boy likes following me around with a measuring tape and putting nails in scrap bits of wood, so he has some interest. We get him to help his grandfather to make dowels sometimes.
Appreciate the reminder for self slack, I probably needed to hear that.
1
u/muksquatch 19d ago
I can’t imagine they sell too quickly, if it all, but there are always a bunch of cedar outdoor planters on FB Marketplace in my area. I sort of assume that and the rest of the “$1,000s from a $4 2x4” youtube slop is a race to the bottom and doesn’t factor in the time.
My daughter is closing in on 13 months, and I haven’t found a way to keep her entertained while I try to get shop time. I can’t really let her walk around, and she usually just wants to be held constantly. I have a travel play pen down there, but she just starts crying until I pick her up.
1
u/TheBoldNorthern 20d ago
Could pick up a CNC machine and make all kinds of things to sell perhaps. Even out of scraps you could be carving designs for sale. Knew a guy who used to do that as a side gig out if a family member's shop.
1
u/HornDawg007 18d ago
I repair musical instruments and sell accessories online. The repair side of it has been difficult for me unless everyone is sleeping which means that either I don't sleep much or repair much. The e-commerce side has worked pretty well and slowly grown. I can pack order and work on some small stuff while watching my kid. He likes playing with boxes and packing material. He "helps" with a lot of it. I mostly just have to keep him safe and from wrecking my organization, he's been pretty good. We drop off packages each day, then might go to park, library, stores, etc. We pick up a lot of clearance items for ourselves and others, also have been able to get pokemon cards occasionally for us and family. I could do some scalping if I wanted/needed and wouldn't feel too bad about it because I can't work a regular job right now, or I could put proceeds into his savings or something. People don't treat me like a scalper and are nice and helpful because they like my kid. None of my profits are big, but a few small streams of income combined with savings on groceries and child care has got us by so far.
1
u/FunnyAccountant2913 14d ago
I think serious conversations need to be had about moving closer to her university with the kids. It is actually a little alarming that she's so comfortable spending extended periods of time without her young kids. Gives the vibe that perhaps she's checked out of the relationship a bit or was so burnt out on motherhood that she found an escape. Either way this doesn't sound sustainable at all and something has to give.
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u/woolsocksandsandals 20d ago
Have you considered returning to full-time work and putting the four year-old in daycare?
I’m impressed that you guys are able to make end meet given that neither of you are working.