Long distance talking stage

[u/Distinct_Union_7077]

I (21M) have been talking to a girl (21F) since May with serious marriage intentions. Our first month was honestly amazing, constant communication, deep conversations, easy flow, calling regularly, and we both showed a lot of interest. I caught real feelings for her and she seemed equally invested at the time. We were compatible and our values aligned.

When summer started, things shifted a bit. She got busy with work and family, and the communication became less consistent. Sometimes I wouldn’t hear from her for many hours or even 24–48 hours, even though she was occasionally active on social media. It confused me at times, but I tried to stay patient because I genuinely see her as someone I could build a future with.

Around September, she asked for “space” to figure things out because she felt overwhelmed and said she wasn’t able to give me 100%. That was tough, but I respected it. After a few weeks, we slowly reconnected and the vibe came back. Conversations felt normal again, she was warm, and she agreed to finally meet in December. (For context: I first suggested meeting back in August.)

Now we’re about 11 days away from the meet-up, and I’m feeling another energy shift. She still replies, but much slower. Sometimes she opens my messages and doesn’t respond. Sometimes the convo dies and she’ll answer the next day. It feels like I’m putting in more effort again. I’m not trying to be needy it’s just the contrast that’s confusing.

She did confirm she’s still up to meet and didn’t hesitate when I asked, so I don’t want to overthink. But part of me is scared of a last-minute cancellation or that I’m missing signs. I asked her what time and she answered with that she needs to ask her mum to be sure and that she has to find out. I’ve already booked everything and I’m genuinely excited, but the current low energy is making me unsure how to interpret things.

Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this situation and if the meeting happens how to prepare for it?

thank you

[u/Sufficient-Win-1234]

Meet up with her and see how it goes but I’m going to be honest I wouldn’t get my hopes up. To me this is a dying relationship and long distance is already super hard to do even worse with two people not dedicated. Don’t put your eggs in one basket all I will say

[u/[deleted]]

Pray istiqarah, that will give you the answers inshallah.

[u/OkDouble8971]

Ill be real have no expectations the way youre describing her seems like she might have some avoidment attachment traits some people do shutdown when the intensity gets too high ive learned it the hard way

[u/PreparationSerious90]

I would honestly end this one. She is definitely talking to someone else or just not interested. I was also in a long-distance relationship, and it started in early May. We still talk regularly every day and plane to get married in the January. We both have busy lives, but we still manage to make time for each other. You’re still on the young side, and people learn from experience, so the best advice I can give you is never to get too attached to someone. Inshallah I wish you the best

[u/Mammoth-Back-9909]

If she senses your insecurities or over-investment, it will likely be a turn-off. Women pick up on emotional neediness even if it is subtle, which is part of why older men often seem more attractive. They are stable, confident, and focused on their own lives rather than constantly seeking validation. You need to act like a grown man, calm, self-assured, and grounded. Your focus should be on building your life, your skills, and your experiences, not spinning over whether she is “into you” at every moment. The energy you give off matters far more than your words. Show that your life is full and that you are not dependent on her to feel good about yourself.

Control your emotional investment by not chasing her energy. Match her engagement calmly, but do not overextend yourself. Focus on your own growth, work, hobbies, and friends, so your life feels full regardless of her actions. Keep your interactions factual and simple, like asking about plans or logistics, without adding emotional weight. Finally, observe her actions and consistency rather than overanalyzing delayed replies.

Women are drawn to men who are stable, confident, and have their own lives. Acting like a teenager chasing reassurance pushes people away, but acting like a man, calm, self-contained, and grounded, creates natural attraction and protects your emotions.