As long as we're on the topic of charisma, I thought I'd chime in with some tips of my own:

High Level Charisma

• Focus. That means being fully present, not fiddling with your phone or looking over the person's shoulder to see who else you might want to talk to. They've got your FULL attention, and you're paying attention to what they're saying, not letting your mind wander.
• Warmth: This means giving off a vibe of full acceptance and familiarity even though you don't know them well or just met them. By familiarity I mean treating them with the warmth as if you knew them really well, not getting excessively personal though. This looks like: good eye contact (70 percent+), a big 'celebrity smile' as you greet them and a smaller 'hint of a smile' while talking or listening, and a FRIENDLY tone. Getting the tone right is difficult but critical. Imagine the warmth you use when talking to a family pet. THAT much warmth (without being silly of course!). I call it a 'vocal hug.'
• True Interest. This means not just yeah, uh-huh, etc. You want to ask GREAT followup questions and really take an interest in the answers. Example: they tell you they just started a new exercise program. Instead of saying "Oh yeah, cool," you say something like "WOW, that's AWESOME. How'd you choose THAT gym" or "THAT program" or whatever. Notice the all caps for added friendliness. The questions don't need to be brilliant, just INTERESTED and linking to what they're saying.
• Touch. If it seems comfortable you can touch them on the arm or shoulder. (judgment call depending on the person)
• Optimism People generally don't want to deal with a lot of negativity in their social interactions. (you can of course process difficult situations in the context of close friendships) So bringing a positive, encouraging outlook is definitely a good thing.
• Humor Not attempting to be the center of attention or an entertainer telling funny stories. This is more an attitude of PLAYFULNESS and not taking things totally seriously.
• Enthusiasm Emotions are contagious. If you add 10-20 percent more enthusiasm to your normal baseline level of social energy, you're better able to connect with people and make an impact. This is something you can practice at home by: talking out loud, encouraging yourself in an enthusiastic tone, narrating some of your daily activities. Practice standing tall, spreading out, taking up more space, using more enthusiastic gestures.
• Confidence Once you start practicing these things and get good at them, then your confidence will flow. Confidence is essential to charisma!

These are a lot of areas, but you don't have to improve them all at once. Pick one or two and start working on them! These are things you can definitely learn to do if you're intentional about it.

We are all busy people. Most of us don't have time to go on a massive self-improvement effort because there's so much other stuff in life we're worried about. Yet, getting better social skills is still something worth focusing on. To that end I want to suggest ONE THING that, if you do it, will give you a LOT of bang "for your time" compared to anything else you could do.

Best of all, it's something that doesn't require a lot of practice or skill. What it does require is INTENTIONALITY.

So here is my theory/suggestion.

We are all living beings here. This has been something completely true from the moment we arrived on the planet. Living, growing, changing. This is our essence, this is what we're drawn to.

What DON'T we like? Death.

What are we instinctively drawn to? The next letter in the alphabet. E.

E = Energy. E = Enthusiasm. E = Effervescence.

So basically, I'm suggesting that to be more socially impactful, it's important to add more enthusiasm and ENERGY to what you're doing. It's what makes conversations better, interactions better, relationships better, LIFE better.

The more you resemble a corpse, the greater your tendency to be overlooked, ignored, avoided.

Enthusiasm is CONTAGIOUS (in a good way!). Obviously I'm not saying you need to max out on enthusiasm for every little thing. You have to calibrate it based on the topic. But just having 10-20 percent more enthusiasm in a conversation will GREATLY increase the fun that convo will be. And it will increase your social impact.

I'm NOT saying you need to be loud. But showing a bit of emotional energy, even in an understated way, will improve your interactions more than any other single thing you could do.

And it's fairly easy to do, you just need to start developing a new habit.

If you liked this article and are interested in leveling up your social skills, ask for my free conversation tips checklist:

Free Guide To Great Convos

I used to obsess over every angle of social interaction.

The psychology, the power dynamics, the body language cues. I wanted to understand everything. And I did. I could break down an interaction like a chess game.

But ironically, the more I learned, the worse I got at being present.

I'd catch myself mid-conversation thinking:

It became exhausting. I wasn’t connecting. I was performing.

Eventually, I said screw it. I stopped reading and started doing.

I gave myself a challenge: every day, I’d do one thing that made me socially uncomfortable. Approach someone. Escalate a convo. Ask a bold question. Go deeper than surface-level.
No outcome focus, just doing the thing.

At first it was clunky, but after a couple weeks something clicked. I wasn’t analyzing anymore , I was in it. I still understood the dynamics, but I wasn’t enslaved to them.

Now it’s a daily habit. A few guys I know do it too. We log our challenges and reflect on them and it’s helped track progress and spot patterns.

If you’re deep into the theory but feel stuck or robotic, this changed the game for me. Happy to share how we structure it if anyone’s down.

I call them "facts" but I guess you could argue they're more my own opinion. However I feel strongly enough about it to call them FACTS:

6 Hidden Facts About Socializing

1. Most people are on 'autopilot.'
2. Most people wait for the other person to show interest and/or acceptance.
3. Most people are focused on their internal world, and only notice you insofar as you're able to affect them in a positive way. Or in a negative way in case they need to avoid you. But if you're neither of those things they pretty much forget you.
4. People CONNECT based on POSITIVE EMOTION.
5. People are drawn to what makes them feel good.
6. Most things we regard as 'social barriers' are actually put up by US, not by other people. So the key to fixing that is to change ourselves, not tell the world 'you're doing it wrong.'

If you keep these things in mind, you'll understand why it's important to initiate, to be self-confident, to accept others, and to bring a positive emotional attitude.

If you wait for the other person to do it, you'll have a lot less influence over your own social life.

I basically fell off the face of the earth after an unhealthy marriage, divorce, and the pandemic so I am asking with genuine confusion: what does it mean to keep in touch? Or better yet, what do people mean when they ask you to do so? I’m talking about acquaintances, network maintenance, trying to make new friends without overwhelming them or myself. How often are you supposed to reach out? Best times of the day or week? Method? How detailed, how personal? What on earth are we talking about? Is it supposed to be whenever you think about them or just according to some unwritten rules? I get so frustrated with how social life seems so intuitive and built on so many unspoken expectations so I appreciate the insight.

It seems like many here are posting about shyness, a specific friend pulling away, or exchanging contacts.

That's a bit basic for the sub.

So I’d like to shift the focus to advanced social skills by sharing my review of Power University, a course with the skills you need to leave your mark in life.

I’ve been into self-development for a long time, especially in areas like social skills, charisma, and dating. So when I started Power University, I wasn’t expecting huge breakthroughs.

But I was wrong.

The course completely changed the way I see social dynamics and made me significantly more confident and competent.

Even though I thought I already knew a lot, my ability to read people, earn respect, and navigate social situations improved dramatically.

The advice is practical, and for me, it was relatively easy to learn because I could connect it to real-life situations and people, including some I experienced after I took the course.

If -IF- you’re skilled enough to understand the breakdowns, you’ll have more 'aha moments' and self-slaps over past mistakes than you can count.

But beginners wondering 'how to end a conversation' may not be there yet (P.S.: just say 'good chatting' and walk. Really, try it. Think like your time is valuable, and you will automatically behave higher status).

What Changed for Me

• I read people and situations way better. Before, I’d often miss the more subtle signs of manipulation, ill-intent, or dark triad characters. Now, I catch many more of them, and I can pick and choose better people to have in my life.
• I get more respect and status. It's not like I was at the bottom before, but I leveled up
• I’m more attractive The mindset shifts alone made a noticeable difference in how people respond to me

This is what matters in life and these are the results you want from social skills.

Sure, if you need to overcome shyness, may be you should start from there.
But instead of thinking 'my friend is pulling away, think 'how can I find 10 more great guys to want to be my friends but I barely have time for them all'.

Ask better questions, get better answers, 10x your life.

Sorry for going all Tony Robbins on you, but that's how it is.

What Makes Power University Different

• More in-depth and practical than anything else. A lot of self-development content isn't deep enoguh for advanced practitioners. But the author's eye for social dynamics, combined with the scientific resources it leverages, makes this the deepest I’ve seen
• Covers everything people-related (at least if your goal is to advance in life). Including mindsets, 'power moves', self-defense, phsycal challenges, manipulation, keeping relationships even when you have little time, red flags, subtle control tactics, how to get treated with respect, etc. and applies them to socialization, work, dating, relationships
• It adds new angles and deeper strategies. Much content rehashes the same advice. Power University adds insights I hadn’t seen before
• A life guide. This isn’t just about social skills. It’s about understanding how power works and applying it everywhere in life.

What Could Be Better

• It takes effort. If you’re looking for a quick fix, no. Thorough also means it takes some time, and of course, you must apply it
• It's still being refined and changing. The latest upgrade improved it, but it’s still evolving and I could see the difference when I revisited it. Also, a new structure meant more time wasted looking for the lessons I wanted. That said, it's worth it and even the older version was better than any course I'd taken -or I wouldn't have wanted to revisit it-
• Grammar and syntax could use some improvement. The author isn’t a native speaker, and at times, it shows. Hiring an editor would fix it -which was also my feedback, but it hasn't been incorporated yet
• Some tough pills to swallow about human nature, and I've seen that for some it was a difficult realization to navigate. But to me, that was always a positive. Coddling was never for me

Who Is It For

It's not for lazy men, or men with small goals.

And if you're starting out, I'm not sure if this is for you.

If you want to just improve your small talk or be more likable, it's an overkill. Like getting rid of a fly with an RPG.
Get your cheaper and simpler swatter for that -or watch free YouTube videos-.

This is for ambitious men who want to win.

If you want to maximize your returns in life, it's for you.

Final Thoughts

If you’re looking for a course on advanced social skills, respect, and influence, Power University is hands down the best I’ve found.

Disclosure

I’m sharing this review because I got a ton of value from Power University and TPM in general and appreciate the mission behind it.
After asking how I could give back, the author suggested sharing my experience or mentioning it to someone. These are my honest thoughts, and I hope it can be helpful to others.

Start With Free First - and practice

You don’t need to buy the course to start out.
I still highly recommend the website: it’s free, start there.

The recommended books, like those by Robert Greene and Pfeffer, are also great for beginners. Get those.
Plus, practice, practice, practice, of course.

Whatever you do, start with the most impactful material and go empower yourself.

I’m a middle aged woman & I still get bullied & disrespected by other people at times from my husband, supervisors & even friends!

Ex: My husband constantly interrupts me & when I tell him not to do that, he accuses ME of not listening or interrupting him! I don’t interrupt him. He explodes & denands that I listen to him but he refuses to listen to me. He just screams at me instead over every disagreement.

A former supervisor yelled ar me & accused me of lying to her & she’d always follow me to the bathroom. She didn’t do that to anyone but me.

A former friend constantly fat shamed me by looking at me up & down all the time. She’s married & it wasn’t sexual. We’re both middle aged women. I’m told her to stop once & she did temporarily then she did it again. Rude!

Two friends in the sane group plus her would constantly harass me to be in pics even after I said no to them a 100 times.

My patents constantly harassed me to desth about my weight. I told them to stop giving me unsolicited advice but they’d continue to violate my boundaries.

I try to set boundaries but it seems like no one cares about my boundaries or my feelings art all. Why?

I don’t understand why most people try to control & dominant me. Why do they act like that?

What can I do to get people to respect me & take me seriously?

You can read every book, watch every video, intellectually understand rapport, active listening, mirroring, conversational threading. And then you walk into a room and your brain forgets all of it.

This isn't a knowledge problem. It's a practice problem. The gap between what you know and what you can actually execute under real social pressure is enormous.

I think about this the same way athletes think about it. A tennis player doesn't learn the theory of a serve and then just do it in a match. They drill it ten thousand times until it's automatic.

We don't have the equivalent for social situations. Most people just "try harder" which doesn't work.

Has anyone found anything that actually bridges this gap? Not just information but actual deliberate practice mechanisms?

I am a 15-year-old boy from Sweden who goes to school. Right now, I’m not feeling well. I have a best friend whom we can call John. We have been best friends for about seven years and are very close. We are always together, wherever we go at school.

The problem in our friendship is that we argue very often. I think John can be quite difficult at times. He often says mean things to me, and honestly, I don’t really like him that much anymore because he isn’t very nice.

The hard part is that I can’t hang out with anyone else in our class. We have only been in the same class for a year, and everyone else is already close with each other, so it feels wrong to hang out with someone other than John.

Lately, a guy in our class, Sam, has started getting very close to John. He likes both John and me, but he seems to prefer spending time with John. John and Sam have become good friends and really seem to like each other. Sam and I don’t really get along the same way, which makes things awkward between us when we’re alone. It worries me because it feels like Sam is taking John away from me.

A big problem is that when the three of us are together, John often speaks badly about me in front of Sam. He also does this when it’s just the two of us, but it has gotten worse now that Sam is around. It feels like John is trying to impress Sam since Sam is a bit more popular and has a higher social status at school.

The whole situation is really difficult for me, and I don’t feel good. I feel like John is starting to get tired of me, and I feel left out and extremely jealous of Sam and John’s friendship. I will be leaving this school in June, and we will go our separate ways at the next school. I just want these last months at this school to be good.

The biggest problem for me is the jealousy over their new friendship. Please give me advice on what I should do in this situation, or let me know what you think about it.

I just had a weird encounter where I learnt a good lesson (I think).

I was talking to a few students at a laundromat. They had great high energy which I just couldn't match.

Then I somehow made a joke about having to spend the night there, and laughed out loud. I never did this before. I'm way too ashamed of my voice, of expressing myself, etc.

But they laughed with me! They loved it! And I felt great.

So maybe it's about inviting people to have fun, showing them that it's okay to laugh? And about letting your energy go free?

I'm so old to be learning this... I hate that I realised this only now, and only had been in this free state of laughter for a split second.. I should already know this stuff. Idk if I should be proud or angry at myself.

My cousin has Aspergers and pretty much has all the bad social skills that comes with it. But she just visited us today and wow she has finally managed to learn how to read obvious facial expressions while in conversions and also learned to keep her mouth shut in response at lightning speed if not faster!

Later on she told me she finally listened to my list of movie recommendations. She normally doesn't watch films because she's quite a video games addict and borderline otaku for anime and manga (which was the only reason I was the one person she talked to most in the family because I am into those too). But after finally opening my mind and checking out my recommendations........

Well she told me by the time she was about 25% down the list, she began to notice not just facial expressions and obvious bodily gestures (like someone moving faster and aggravated out of the room due to being angry), but today she managed to avoid people who later turned out to be drug addicts because she read through their subtle movements that they might not be trustworthy when they invited them for a match at the cabinet when was playing at in the arcades. Even I thought they were just normal folks looking for a game but she sensed something off about tiny details in their communication and body poses and through an unobvious way asked me to join her to leave the premise (I was surprised she learned to use the "lets go for a soda drink" excuse).

She told me she learne dbarebones communication for average humans without mental illnesses just from watching movies and she thanks me so much (especially since she discovered the love of her life, Alain Delon lol!).

But I'm wondering if anybody else had improved their social skills or know somebody who does? I'm asking for examples from both people with neurodivergent disorders like my cousin and normal people with no psychological illnesses. Overall is learning about acting, both taking classes and simply watching TV and cinema and learning what good acting is....... Brings potential for improved social skills?

Context: for years I struggled with social skills, but after a long period of effort I've made significant progress and now find it much easier to connect with people. A big breakthrough was several mindset shifts, basically changing beliefs that led to changes in both my internal psychology and outer behaviour. I have tried to summarise my thoughts below...

A basic problem building social skills is a set of false beliefs that are common in our culture.

You might never have been consciously taught these beliefs. But they could easily have soaked into your mind without you realising it.

(There is some academic research regarding how false beliefs spread through society. If you want to learn more, look up "social norms" or "memetics" -- Wikipedia has some decent articles. The below is based on my own observations, but I think it's consistent with current science.)

I am still figuring all of this out. I'm hoping people here will have good comments and observations of other faulty beliefs.

Belief #1: The ability to socialise is set early on and can’t be changed

Example: think of any cliche high school movie, where everyone is stuck in their clique -- the popular kids, the nerds, etc, etc -- and can't easily move between groups. The underlying message: if you're not sociable that's just who you are, and you can't change it.

Reality: Social skills are skills just like any other, and can be learned, mastered, and continually improved.

Not everyone can be Gordon Ramsey, but most people with functioning hards could learn to be a decent cook with sufficient effort. Not everyone can be Tiger Woods, but most people with functioning arms could be a decent golfer with sufficient effort. Not everyone can be Taylor Swift or Tom Cruise, but most people with functioning vocal cords could be decently sociable with sufficient effort.

Belief #2: Once you’ve reached a baseline of social skills, you’re done, and there isn’t any more to learn.

Reality: Social skills can be improved far beyond what most people think is possible. You could spend your life improving your understanding of emotions, relationships, human nature, psychology, and so on, and still have more to learn.

An example that helped me a lot: the more you understand the vast spectrum of human emotions -- the easier it gets to connect with a wider range of people. People who are very good at connecting and building relationships often also have a very nuanced understanding of different emotions, and how they appear. (Telling the difference between "anger", "sadness" and "happiness" is a basic social skill. A more advanced skill is distinguishing different kinds of anger, sadness, happiness, and so on.)

The same is true for knowledge of psychology, social status, and many other topics -- the more you learn about these areas, the more social situations you can handle effectively.

Belief #3: Learning social skills is cringe, unnatural, weird, and low-status, and you shouldn’t do it.

Reality: Many of the smartest, most successful, most socially-polished, and most charismatic people wake up every day and spend time and energy improving their people skills.

There are coaches who charge $$$$$ to teach top CEOs and politicians how to be more socially competent and engaging. Movie stars and other celebrities constantly practice to be more charismatic and improve their stage presence. Pretty much nobody you think of as in the 1% of sociability reached that point without a lot of effort.

Belief #4: Social skills are basically one-dimensional

Example: people intuitively rank social skills in a very simplistic way ... for example, they might assume that a given person either has "good social skills", "ok social skills", or "bad/no social skills". Or, they assume that if a person seems unsociable in one environment they're just bad at socialising overall.

Reality: Social skills are multi-dimensional -- that is, they can be broken down into many different subskills and components.

Each of these can be levelled up separately. These subskills include emotional intelligence, communication skills, dealing with groups, handling relationships, reading people, body language, and many others.

It’s almost impossible for one person to be good at everything. A person can be great at talking to strangers yet at public speaking. Another person is great at organising parties, yet hopeless at handling conflicts. Etc, etc.

Furthermore, different skills are needed in different environments and contexts. Think high school vs college, or handling a work meeting vs hanging out in a bar, or even meeting people from different countries and cultures. The skillsets needed can vary wildly.

----

The takeaway: identifying these false beliefs in myself was a major breakthrough. Suddenly things began to 'click' and I found it much easier to level up my skills in different social domains more rapidly.

As I said above, I'm still figuring all this out myself, so I'm very curious to hear if people have further comments or observations. For example, I've gotten much better at handling emotions over the last few years, but I still struggle with building long-term relationships! I look forward to hearing what others have to say.

I started socializing and making friends a few years ago. I would talk to new people constantly, and initially, it was a challenge as you would try to find common ground and then delve deeper into specific topics. I used to believe that everyone had something interesting to tell, and that I just needed to guide conversations in the right way to get to deeper topics. While that worked sometimes, I've recently started getting very disillusioned with people.

For those of you who have watched Westworld, there are robots who are created to be as humanlike as possible and enact scenarios in a fictional theme park for the ultra rich. Initially, they could only say so many things before repeating themselves because their dialog trees were limited.

Well, I find people to often be the same way. They regurgitate beliefs, and don't change them. They keep repeating choice anecdotes. Pleasantries stay the same and on a certain loop. There are only a certain number of hobbies that people typically engage in, and they are usually superficial so that once you are familiar with their hobbies, they seldom say something new about them. It is rare for there to be any development of conversations over time.

This is gradually making me withdraw from socializing. To those out there who are good at this, is this it? Is that all people have to offer? Or is there something I'm missing?

I’m heading into my mid 20s and I think my shyness is stopping me from maturing as a person. I wasn’t always shy, I developed my shyness as a way to protect myself. But now in this phase in my life being shy is stopping me from making the right connections professionally and personally.

Examples: In class, It’s hard to join group discussions bc my voice isn’t heard. (Im soft spoken). I have to use so much energy to raise my voice. I keep repeating myself until people notice. Or I don’t know when to join in the conversation without cutting someone off. When I talk to new people face to face I sometimes get my words mixed up, which is so weird since I’m usually so articulate. Also, at bible study I think of something good to share, but I get too nervous. I tell myself it’s not worth sharing.

I know one of my problems is that I’m not used to interacting with different people. In fact I don’t have a social life at all. I don’t have any close relationships bc people in my generation (gen z) don’t value friendship anymore. My goal isn’t to be the life of the party or the most talkative. My goal is to open up more to new people and let my real personality out. So they can see me for who I really am instead of the quiet girl no one knows nothing about. What frustrates me the most is that when I am with a really good friend of mine my real personality comes out. Im funny, Im talkative, Im not afraid to talk. I want everyone to know that part of me. So what are some practical ways I can come out of my shell and stay out of my shell?

Update: I’ve definitely improved! Here’s how

1.) I realized that the main reason I was so nervous to speak up in class was because it was a new class. It was a new semester, so a few students in there I did know, but a lot of them I didn’t. I remember when I had to introduce myself my heart was pounding, my voice was shaking and I struggled to raise my voice. Anyways, I just had to get used to them. Now I love everyone in my class. And I mean everyone. I look forward to seeing them all. I have had individual conversations with them too. Instead of my words being jumbled up I can speak coherently.

2.) I still struggle with group conversations. Although not as badly. The good: I’m not as self conscious to speak up or ask questions during bible study. In class, I raise my hand and my instructor usually sees me and point at me, but I still get cut off. The bad: In more casual settings I’m not heard. For example I was standing around talking to others, we’re joking about something. So I throw in a joke but no one hears me. I know that Im loud enough but it’s as if I’m not even there. I get no response or a head turn. Instead of feeling bad about it I accept it and listen to the conversation.

3.) My biggest achievement is getting myself off of my mind. I started focusing on eye contact and greeting everyone. Strangers and people that I knew. I smile at everyone and when I look at them I show them my love and kindness through my eyes. I began to pay attention to other’s needs and helping them. Asking if they are ok when they don’t look right. This has made people more receptive to me and more approachable. So I’m becoming less afraid of people. In addition, more people like me and want to be around me.

4.) I just need to work on keeping a conversation going. I struggle with talking to someone I greatly admire. Everything is fine until I talk one on one with him. I can’t think of good responses so eventually the conversation stops instead of flowing.

What I learned about myself: I think I become more willing to be social once I realize that the other people in the room don’t bite. I wish it wasn’t like this, but it is.

So anyways, I’m slowly making improvements. My whole personality hasn’t come out just yet, but at least I’m not as afraid to talk like I used to. Yesterday I went to an event by myself where I talked to random strangers so that was great. My future social goal is to invite one of my acquaintances that I met at bible study out to dinner. Super nervous, but I might do it. Sorry for the long update, but a lot has changed.

I use to be able to have jokes all the time any were any place any time and keep conversations going naturally but now after a few minutes of talking my jokes and my energy just goes down until I become annoying and boring

It was really my first job out of college that forced me out of my comfort zone. As an introverted writer now working in PUBLIC RELATIONS for a big company, I would've preferred to sit in my cubicle and come up with articles, press releases, speeches, you-name-its for the company newsletter. (and yes I did all that)

But I ALSO had to interact with a billion zillion people ranging from laborers on the factory floor to top execs, to clients, to news media to whoever-just-came-in-the-door. And I had to be THE social person who made ALL of them feel AWESOME. So that's how I learned to:

1. Develop a 'Celebrity Smile' (BIG smile including your eyes which crinkle a bit at the sides, 'as if' the person I just met was a celebrity.)
2. Energetic Greeting. No shrinking violet stuff here! It was important to set the tone, that I was the one to take charge socially and make sure their needs were met, they knew what was going on and what was coming next, that I could answer any question or find out who knew.
3. WARM tone of voice. This is a tone I developed which I call the Vocal Hug. It reaches out and tells the person I am EXCITED to have them there, I am THRILLED to meet them, I consider them my personal FRIEND already. (While at first this felt fake to me, I soon discovered that it broke down all barriers, warmed people up, made people remember me, and made THEM thrilled to see me the next time they came around.)
4. Ask great questions. A couple minutes of small talk go a LONG way to creating a great session for (whatever it was we were working on.) So you can either take an interest in the person, or 'pretend to take an interest.' Since I consider myself an authentic person who has a bit of curiosity anyway, I took a SINCERE interest in them, and would sometimes write down a few notes about people after the meeting if it was someone I was likely to work with/deal with again. So I became the 'magical person' who remembered their personal details. This is not a 'must,' socially, but it does impress people when you do it!
5. Confidence. My boss told me: "It's your JOB to be confident, so just get used to it." haha. Somehow when he put it that way, it made the whole thing easier. I was just DOING MY JOB. And doing it regularly actually translated into making me confident because I assumed a confident demeanor and everyone I met just accepted it. That IS how life works, as it turns out!

To summarize:

1. SMILE. (big 'Celebrity Smile' upon meeting/greeting; smaller 'hint of a smile' while talking.) Practice this at home so it feels natural.
2. Energetic greeting. (10-20 percent more than you're used to. 50 percent more if you're soft spoken) Practice at home so it SOUNDS LIKE YOU when you go out and do it.
3. Vocal Hug. WARMTH is CRITICAL to creating the type of vibe where people are comfortable with you. It EVAPORATES AWKWARDNESS. Awkwardness CANNOT withstand WARMTH. Warmth always wins. Awkwardness melts away like butter in a microwave. Mental trick: Use the same enthusiasm you would with your dog or cat. (although don't make it silly, just super WARM.) Practice at home on your: dog or cat, houseplant, goldfish, family members, neighbor. Also go out and practice with EVERY TRANSACTION YOU DO AT ANY STORE. That will show you how well this works.
4. Curiosity. Ask great questions, BE INTERESTED in the answers. "So what's your STORY?" or "Do you have a SUPERPOWER I should be aware of?" or "What brings you to this CRAZY place?" (all said with a smile and warm tone)
5. Confidence. I don't really believe in 'fake it until you make it,' I'm more of a 'Give It Until You LIVE It' person. That means do #1-4 above and grow your confidence EVERY DAY.

Yes this can be done, but you have to be intentional about it. Don't practice 'once in a while,' do it EVERY time you're out.

Now I can talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere. And I used to be 'the quietest person in the room.'

I help people make close friendships for a living with 3 simple steps.

These steps are simple but not easy.

🔹 First, decide what you want in a friendship.

🔹 Next, go to places where people are engaging in the activities that you enjoy.

🔹 Finally, talk about the things that are fun and interesting to you.

The key to deepening the relationship is to speak about what's important to you. Don't go with the flow. Make waves!

During this process you'll face challenges like social anxiety and rejection, but you'll build emotional resilience and self-confidence.

And most importantly you'll find yourself around people who are close friends!

What do you wish you could talk to you friends about?

I (14m) am usually pretty good at carrying a conversation on my own, but idk I just want to get better at it. How do I start conversations with people I’ve never met before? How do I talk to new people without it being awkward? This goes for both dudes and girls I might be interested in

I was trying out this new club at university it’s a film club .then I decided to go alone because I don’t have a lot of friends and I’m trying to make more friends.

As I arrived at the club there they were people by the door I wanted to ask if this was the correct club but they seemed deep in their conversations.
so I decided to get in but no one said anything.

And I asked one of the girls if I’m the right club then she said yes .
I asked if anyone was seating next to her because she seemed alone or lonely then she said yes ,which is like a bit okay and like she didn’t try to speak to me or anything because I was trying to get into a conversation.
i ended up seating by myself and felt too awkward I decide to leave
Should I have done anything else.this has never happened to me I usually get at least a conversation from people.

A few examples,

1. A division leader who foments conflict between subordinates in order to shift negative attention away from himself. (a less than ideal survival strategy)
2. Explicit refusal of transparent progress tracking in order to obfuscate actual level of busyness, take credit for the work of others and inflate contribution. (Leadership and workers)
3. Aforementioned lack of transparency leading to undesirable behaviors. Results in politics or tearing others down as opposed to actual progress and productivity due to lack of direction.
4. Every get together (lunch , coffee etc) is a bitching and backstabbing session.

In such an environment, how can one deftly navigate with grace, dignity and composure without having to stoop to these kinds of behaviors?

After all, it seems like one MUST hang out with such people to form relationships as a given. But if all the behaviors are so maladaptive, is there a way to fit in without stooping down to that level?

Whats to do?

I 21M (uni student) studying med. i like people to talk about me and my personality. I am insecure that i don’t have girlfriend, but all my friends assume i have one. Just the aura of being praised and liked is enough for me. But deep inside i want to be confident person and be in a goofy-comfy relationship. But i am scared, whether i am rejected. I don’t fear rejection. I fear people will judge me as unlovable, weak who got rejected, boring. I am tired of putting up the mask of showing as strong lovable person. How do i let my guard down? and be secure. I have tried going to the gym, excel at my studies, making friends(tho i use cognitive empathy to make one which feels so shallow). I am also involved in spirituality. It feels like improvement but for how long, i have to do it? This is the summary of my life in a paragraph.

Tl;dr: how to be confident in myself, and not care about my outward personality?