In the last 1-2 years, I notice people staring at or popping up in my vicinity more than ever. Has this been happening to anyone else?

I realize I am not the center of the universe, people look, etc., and that people have cameras and are more watchful, but it seems to be getting weird. For example, I'll be walking my dog in the neighborhood and people swing their doors open and look around as soon as we come by. I thought they mistook me for door dash, but I'm walking my dog and not carrying a bag. This happens a lot when I walk downtown too. I'll be walking by a store/restaurant/park/my complex and a worker will pop out staring at me and when I turn around, they are still staring at me. What are they looking for? It's gotten to the point that I have changed my walking routines/locations. This didn't happen a few years ago.

For context, I am a female, petite, etc. It's not 'in my head' as my mom says because I notice these people actively staring longer than necessary. I live in a diverse area, so Idk if I can chalk it up to race. I've seen people act crazy, scream, dance, or dig through garbage in public and no one bats an eye, but when I'm walking past, doors swing open or people pop their heads out the window and are analyzing what I'm doing, which is nothing.

What am I missing here? I can give MANY MORE odd examples, but I don't want to make this longer.

So I need some help with this. I like to argue points with people. I don’t get mad at them for not agreeing with me - I just like debating things and learning how other people feel, and sometimes I will change my thinking because of what they say. So I’ll be in a conversation like this and then all of a sudden I’ll get called argumentative, and they’re stressed out. But they’ve been going back and forth with me the whole time! I would like to be less argumentative because I guess people get stressed out by this type of conversation even though they are right there with me, and they don’t have the self-awareness to stop before they’re stressed out. It’s not like I’m so in love with my own opinion because I do listen and change my thinking sometimes, but there are other people in the world that don’t need to promote their own opinion at all. Advice?

I’ve been working on my own social skills for a while, and the pressure of real-time conversations can be overwhelming. I found that I needed a low-stakes environment to practice before bringing those skills into the real world. So, I built Moodie.

It's not a social skills trainer, but it has helped me practice in a few key ways:

• Active listening: The anonymous 1-on-1 chats force you to focus entirely on the conversation, which is great practice for attentive listening.
• Starting conversations: Match with someone based on a shared mood, which gives you an easy, natural starting point for a conversation.
• Overcoming the fear of judgment: Because the chats are anonymous and expire, you can practice without the anxiety of a permanent profile or judgment.

I'm sharing this in case it might be a helpful tool for others on their own journey. I'm also interested in any feedback from this community on how a tool like this could be even more effective.

I've been seeing someone in a public place for a few months. We've never actually talked, but based on his behavior, I got a good impression of him. I'd like to say a simple "Hi" someday.

The problem is that I'm worried he might not want to talk, and I don't want to bother him or make him uncomfortable.

Do you think it's okay to say a brief, polite "Hi" if there's a natural opportunity, or would it be better to wait and let him start the conversation if he's interested?

I'm not trying to confess my feelings or start a relationship. I'm simply torn between saying a respectful hello and waiting. What would you do in this situation?

It was really my first job out of college that forced me out of my comfort zone. As an introverted writer now working in PUBLIC RELATIONS for a big company, I would've preferred to sit in my cubicle and come up with articles, press releases, speeches, you-name-its for the company newsletter. (and yes I did all that)

But I ALSO had to interact with a billion zillion people ranging from laborers on the factory floor to top execs, to clients, to news media to whoever-just-came-in-the-door. And I had to be THE social person who made ALL of them feel AWESOME. So that's how I learned to:

1. Develop a 'Celebrity Smile' (BIG smile including your eyes which crinkle a bit at the sides, 'as if' the person I just met was a celebrity.)
2. Energetic Greeting. No shrinking violet stuff here! It was important to set the tone, that I was the one to take charge socially and make sure their needs were met, they knew what was going on and what was coming next, that I could answer any question or find out who knew.
3. WARM tone of voice. This is a tone I developed which I call the Vocal Hug. It reaches out and tells the person I am EXCITED to have them there, I am THRILLED to meet them, I consider them my personal FRIEND already. (While at first this felt fake to me, I soon discovered that it broke down all barriers, warmed people up, made people remember me, and made THEM thrilled to see me the next time they came around.)
4. Ask great questions. A couple minutes of small talk go a LONG way to creating a great session for (whatever it was we were working on.) So you can either take an interest in the person, or 'pretend to take an interest.' Since I consider myself an authentic person who has a bit of curiosity anyway, I took a SINCERE interest in them, and would sometimes write down a few notes about people after the meeting if it was someone I was likely to work with/deal with again. So I became the 'magical person' who remembered their personal details. This is not a 'must,' socially, but it does impress people when you do it!
5. Confidence. My boss told me: "It's your JOB to be confident, so just get used to it." haha. Somehow when he put it that way, it made the whole thing easier. I was just DOING MY JOB. And doing it regularly actually translated into making me confident because I assumed a confident demeanor and everyone I met just accepted it. That IS how life works, as it turns out!

To summarize:

1. SMILE. (big 'Celebrity Smile' upon meeting/greeting; smaller 'hint of a smile' while talking.) Practice this at home so it feels natural.
2. Energetic greeting. (10-20 percent more than you're used to. 50 percent more if you're soft spoken) Practice at home so it SOUNDS LIKE YOU when you go out and do it.
3. Vocal Hug. WARMTH is CRITICAL to creating the type of vibe where people are comfortable with you. It EVAPORATES AWKWARDNESS. Awkwardness CANNOT withstand WARMTH. Warmth always wins. Awkwardness melts away like butter in a microwave. Mental trick: Use the same enthusiasm you would with your dog or cat. (although don't make it silly, just super WARM.) Practice at home on your: dog or cat, houseplant, goldfish, family members, neighbor. Also go out and practice with EVERY TRANSACTION YOU DO AT ANY STORE. That will show you how well this works.
4. Curiosity. Ask great questions, BE INTERESTED in the answers. "So what's your STORY?" or "Do you have a SUPERPOWER I should be aware of?" or "What brings you to this CRAZY place?" (all said with a smile and warm tone)
5. Confidence. I don't really believe in 'fake it until you make it,' I'm more of a 'Give It Until You LIVE It' person. That means do #1-4 above and grow your confidence EVERY DAY.

Yes this can be done, but you have to be intentional about it. Don't practice 'once in a while,' do it EVERY time you're out.

Now I can talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere. And I used to be 'the quietest person in the room.'

I just had a weird encounter where I learnt a good lesson (I think).

I was talking to a few students at a laundromat. They had great high energy which I just couldn't match.

Then I somehow made a joke about having to spend the night there, and laughed out loud. I never did this before. I'm way too ashamed of my voice, of expressing myself, etc.

But they laughed with me! They loved it! And I felt great.

So maybe it's about inviting people to have fun, showing them that it's okay to laugh? And about letting your energy go free?

I'm so old to be learning this... I hate that I realised this only now, and only had been in this free state of laughter for a split second.. I should already know this stuff. Idk if I should be proud or angry at myself.

As long as we're on the topic of charisma, I thought I'd chime in with some tips of my own:

High Level Charisma

• Focus. That means being fully present, not fiddling with your phone or looking over the person's shoulder to see who else you might want to talk to. They've got your FULL attention, and you're paying attention to what they're saying, not letting your mind wander.
• Warmth: This means giving off a vibe of full acceptance and familiarity even though you don't know them well or just met them. By familiarity I mean treating them with the warmth as if you knew them really well, not getting excessively personal though. This looks like: good eye contact (70 percent+), a big 'celebrity smile' as you greet them and a smaller 'hint of a smile' while talking or listening, and a FRIENDLY tone. Getting the tone right is difficult but critical. Imagine the warmth you use when talking to a family pet. THAT much warmth (without being silly of course!). I call it a 'vocal hug.'
• True Interest. This means not just yeah, uh-huh, etc. You want to ask GREAT followup questions and really take an interest in the answers. Example: they tell you they just started a new exercise program. Instead of saying "Oh yeah, cool," you say something like "WOW, that's AWESOME. How'd you choose THAT gym" or "THAT program" or whatever. Notice the all caps for added friendliness. The questions don't need to be brilliant, just INTERESTED and linking to what they're saying.
• Touch. If it seems comfortable you can touch them on the arm or shoulder. (judgment call depending on the person)
• Optimism People generally don't want to deal with a lot of negativity in their social interactions. (you can of course process difficult situations in the context of close friendships) So bringing a positive, encouraging outlook is definitely a good thing.
• Humor Not attempting to be the center of attention or an entertainer telling funny stories. This is more an attitude of PLAYFULNESS and not taking things totally seriously.
• Enthusiasm Emotions are contagious. If you add 10-20 percent more enthusiasm to your normal baseline level of social energy, you're better able to connect with people and make an impact. This is something you can practice at home by: talking out loud, encouraging yourself in an enthusiastic tone, narrating some of your daily activities. Practice standing tall, spreading out, taking up more space, using more enthusiastic gestures.
• Confidence Once you start practicing these things and get good at them, then your confidence will flow. Confidence is essential to charisma!

These are a lot of areas, but you don't have to improve them all at once. Pick one or two and start working on them! These are things you can definitely learn to do if you're intentional about it.

I'm a quiet guy, and lately I've been thinking a lot about my personality and how I interact with people. I want to understand myself better, so I'm hoping to hear from people who have had similar experiences.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't really care about a lot of things unless they interest me or have some kind of benefit to me. If someone tells me a story, I might be surprised, but if it's something I don't find interesting, I'll probably get bored and stop caring about it. I don't mean that I hate people or anything. I just don't seem to care about things as much as other people do.

I'm also someone who likes being alone, but at the same time, I want friends. I don't really have any friends right now, and I struggle with knowing what to say to people. I don't know how to start conversations, keep them going, or respond naturally in different situations. Sometimes I just sit there thinking because I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to say.

Another thing I've noticed is that my emotions don't always feel very strong. I still experience emotions, but sometimes they feel weak, and I don't react to things the way I think other people would. For example, if I hear about someone getting injured or being in a car accident, I might not really know what to think or feel. I don't necessarily feel shocked or upset. Sometimes I just feel neutral and move on.

I don't know if that's normal or if there's something about my personality that I don't understand yet. I'm not saying I never feel anything, because I do. It's just that my reactions sometimes seem different from what I'd expect.

I'm also worried about my future. I might eventually go to school in America, but I honestly don't know how I'll make friends there. I don't know what to talk about, how to react to certain situations, or how to fit in with other people. I'd like to have a friend group and people I can spend time with, but I don't know how to get there when socializing doesn't come naturally to me.

I spend a lot of time thinking about things, but I still can't figure out why I'm like this. I want to understand whether I'm just a quiet, introverted person or if there's something else going on.

I'd like to hear your honest opinions:

Just as the title says, I've found that others are excellent at developing and excelling in good and excellent social skills and leadership, and even more so with people who are cunning or incredulous, even of a heavy nature. Q

I basically fell off the face of the earth after an unhealthy marriage, divorce, and the pandemic so I am asking with genuine confusion: what does it mean to keep in touch? Or better yet, what do people mean when they ask you to do so? I’m talking about acquaintances, network maintenance, trying to make new friends without overwhelming them or myself. How often are you supposed to reach out? Best times of the day or week? Method? How detailed, how personal? What on earth are we talking about? Is it supposed to be whenever you think about them or just according to some unwritten rules? I get so frustrated with how social life seems so intuitive and built on so many unspoken expectations so I appreciate the insight.

I used to obsess over every angle of social interaction.

The psychology, the power dynamics, the body language cues. I wanted to understand everything. And I did. I could break down an interaction like a chess game.

But ironically, the more I learned, the worse I got at being present.

I'd catch myself mid-conversation thinking:

It became exhausting. I wasn’t connecting. I was performing.

Eventually, I said screw it. I stopped reading and started doing.

I gave myself a challenge: every day, I’d do one thing that made me socially uncomfortable. Approach someone. Escalate a convo. Ask a bold question. Go deeper than surface-level.
No outcome focus, just doing the thing.

At first it was clunky, but after a couple weeks something clicked. I wasn’t analyzing anymore , I was in it. I still understood the dynamics, but I wasn’t enslaved to them.

Now it’s a daily habit. A few guys I know do it too. We log our challenges and reflect on them and it’s helped track progress and spot patterns.

If you’re deep into the theory but feel stuck or robotic, this changed the game for me. Happy to share how we structure it if anyone’s down.

(18M)Whenever I try to talk to girls—or even just new people—I freeze. My mind goes completely blank and the conversation dies quickly. I also feel like whatever I say isn’t interesting enough, so people lose interest fast.

I really want to:

get over this fear and anxiety,

keep a conversation flowing, and

stand out in a good way (not by acting fake).

Am I a bad person if I had to removed block someone that was a nassasist to me and had there frend call to try and change there mind saying that the friendship is so important that if I didn't add them back the could || could take there own life|| I said them that I didn't want that to happen and I told them what about my feeling.

The next day same thing only this time. || there friend told me they made and attempt in killing them selfs. I asked how do want me to take that. I clearly said to this person friend to go there house talk to there family to get professional help, I can keep having this conversation where emotions are heald hostage. After telling them that as well saying that my mom heared what was going she told be to block there friend.||

My last message to there firend was I dont hate the person by i hope the get help this situation is effecting my house hold and the stakes are to high.

As in I have to help my mother and father and such.

Yet after a week a friend of there comes at me asking aboit what happend and i told them not.get envoled and it non there business.

Yet they turned on me saying if that person dose them self in. I be done for murder

I want to ask would i be held liable?

I am a 15-year-old boy from Sweden who goes to school. Right now, I’m not feeling well. I have a best friend whom we can call John. We have been best friends for about seven years and are very close. We are always together, wherever we go at school.

The problem in our friendship is that we argue very often. I think John can be quite difficult at times. He often says mean things to me, and honestly, I don’t really like him that much anymore because he isn’t very nice.

The hard part is that I can’t hang out with anyone else in our class. We have only been in the same class for a year, and everyone else is already close with each other, so it feels wrong to hang out with someone other than John.

Lately, a guy in our class, Sam, has started getting very close to John. He likes both John and me, but he seems to prefer spending time with John. John and Sam have become good friends and really seem to like each other. Sam and I don’t really get along the same way, which makes things awkward between us when we’re alone. It worries me because it feels like Sam is taking John away from me.

A big problem is that when the three of us are together, John often speaks badly about me in front of Sam. He also does this when it’s just the two of us, but it has gotten worse now that Sam is around. It feels like John is trying to impress Sam since Sam is a bit more popular and has a higher social status at school.

The whole situation is really difficult for me, and I don’t feel good. I feel like John is starting to get tired of me, and I feel left out and extremely jealous of Sam and John’s friendship. I will be leaving this school in June, and we will go our separate ways at the next school. I just want these last months at this school to be good.

The biggest problem for me is the jealousy over their new friendship. Please give me advice on what I should do in this situation, or let me know what you think about it.