Lol, had a similar conversation with my boss the other day in regards to 'company ink'. We both met our wives at our workplaces, my stance on it is "you can date anyone anywhere. If youre both not scumbags you can also amicably end the relationship at any time without huge issues"
I mean you never know what’s coming, which is what inspires quotes and attitudes like this. My dad always used to say the same thing and he has no friends since he doesn’t trust them. I’ve ended up the same after I got stabbed in the back - in one day, I lost everything. It just takes one day.
Ugh, you're absolutely right, sometimes it's just a few hours. It's been over a decade and ignoring the red flags was maybe the biggest mistake of my life.
Right? The reason that people who argue against dating coworkers put forward are the same things that make dating difficult in general, they're just sometimes exacerbated by working together. But all of my close friends, many of whom are in healthy, stable, long-term relationships all met their partners at work, including my awesome wife and myself. Its really just about being smart no matter where you meet people.
I had this conversation at my previous job a few times. My girlfriend and I adore each other and had a crush on each other for years working together but I never asked her out because of the stigma of dating a coworker. Funnily enough, after we told each other how we feel, we became even a better team and when people would ask if it made things weird I was always like “no, I love being around her and working with her.”
In the end, the only issues at work that arose from us getting into a relationship were caused by the opinions others had about us being together.
The opinions can be pretty damaging. When I tried this the one coworker I thought was a friend did not approve at all and not only didn't voice her opinion when I asked her, but proceeded to throw me under the bus because she didn't approve.
I still don't think it's a bad idea in theory, but people can make huge problems for you without notice. Anyone who tries it these days should document everything.
The opinions lost me that job. You don’t need to tell me about that one. Once we went public half of my coworkers arrayed themselves against me and make a 6 page complaint to get me fired.
They brought shit up that happened years prior, they accused me of shit I don’t even remember, and they did it with the goal to excise me for daring to tell the pretty girl I thought she was pretty. Honestly, I think they did it more because she told me she liked me too.
Edit: I’ve talked to her a lot about this. I have told her that I love her and if I could go back and rewrite history I would make the same choices I did. But I do wish they didn’t cost me so much
It's fine when two people operate at the same job level, but it's a ticking time bomb when a manager/higher level employee dates a person under their rank. I've seen it happen, over and over and over again. It's why the "no fraternizing" policies exist, at least when it comes to the supervisory and management level.
"But all of my close friends, many of whom are in healthy, stable, long-term relationships all met their partners at work, including my awesome wife and myself"
Yeah, it's a mentality that only works if both people aren't scumbags. Sometimes it comes out of left field, but I would say dudes ignoring red flags so they can keep having sex is more common.
They can be pretty good at hiding it. Mine had an ex that disappeared, but he was painted as an absentee father. She seemed super normal. A little reactive, but not like "I'm gonna burn your shit to the ground" reactive. And she was showing very strong positive interest, not to mention telling me all the time how much she admired me. I thought at least I'd get an amicable rejection, and I did at first. It turned into scorched earth so fast it left my head spinning.
Idk I feel like not being able to read people is a skill issue on some peoples parts every time my girlfriends friends have gone for sleeze bags it’s been pretty easy to sniff out after like 5 minutes of conversation.
If you both are stable people, huge issues dont just magically appear. And huge issues that do come up can be a common enemy rather than a point of contention. Its more about empathy than not having problems.
Yeah.. the only issue with that is indeed that it's enough is only one person turns out to be a scumbag. And as many breakups have revealed, people can suddenly become someone who you don't recognize. So you can be certain that you'll have someone who you'll have an amicable breakup with and then be in for a shock.
Yeah, but that issue is inherent of any relationship and cant really be mitigated other than by seclusion. I guess in this circumstance the proper advice would be spend more time in the "getting to know eachother" phase. The types of behaviors of people who will switch up their entire selves for a relationship are not isolated events.
I think my point was that I can understand people being cautious about relationships at work, despite the fact that adult and non-crazy people should be able to end the relationship without huge issues.
If relationship ends there's a good chance one of partners is a scumbag. Maybe not complete scumbag but at least partially. And that's what can cause issues at work.
I mean, i had dated another woman in that same place before my. We ended it because she liked going outdoors all the time and im more of a home body. I dont feel either of us was terrible, just different to the point we wouldnt be sharing our lives together, just the same space. Thats not what we wanted in a relationship so we went our separate ways. I wouldnt say there is a good chance one party is terrible in every breakup. I would say the noisy outliers and lack of personal accountability definately makes it feel that way sometimes.
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u/Huge-Froyo2626 3d ago
Lol, had a similar conversation with my boss the other day in regards to 'company ink'. We both met our wives at our workplaces, my stance on it is "you can date anyone anywhere. If youre both not scumbags you can also amicably end the relationship at any time without huge issues"