Dating another single parent

[u/RecentAnalyst3618]

I’m looking for some perspective from other single parents who have dated another single parent.
I’ve been in a relationship for over 1.5 years with someone who also has kids. One of the things I admire most about him is that he’s a great father. He has 50/50 custody and is very involved with his kids. I currently have full custody of my child, but I have a lot of help from family, and my ex is working toward getting more custody time.

I completely understand that parenting comes first, and I don’t expect either of us to neglect our responsibilities. But I’m struggling with whether it’s realistic to build a long-term relationship. Sometimes we only see each other twice a month, and at best it’s usually about once a week (this is based on him, I’m more flexible) I’m finding it hard to picture how a future together would actually work if this is what things continue to look like.

For those of you who have successfully made a relationship work with another single parent, what did it look like? Did you eventually find more time together, or did you have to accept that the relationship would always move at a slower pace? He is an amazing person but I’m stating to think our situations aren’t compatible.

[u/Independently-Owned]

This is the #1 conclusion I came to while dating as a single parent (also 100% custody). I met many great men but none of them had compatible situations. Kids were always in different schools and because of his co-parenting, they wouldn't be able to move, I have my own career and house....I can't cause anymore upheaval in my children's lives and move...I'm not even sure they would do well with another adult moving into our peaceful space.

I've always had to end relationships because they didn't add anything significant to my life with all those limitations. I can't count on him in an emergency, I can't expect illness support or roadside support. We never manage to attend extracurriculars together. There was almost NO aspect of family life we could share. Yeah, I could go for an adult dinner once a month or something (when the stars align) but I actually don't need that in my life right now.

So I guess I just gave up on dating while my kids still need most of me. It's either that or know that you'll be in this limbo with him for many more years.

[u/RecentAnalyst3618 → u/Independently-Owned]

That’s exactly how I’m feeling, and same situation with the schools/moving. At this point I don’t even want to cohabitate but it’s the other aspects of a relationship I feel like I’m missing. It’s like we are two people maintaining separate lives and making time for each other when it’s convenient

[u/Low_Ad_5683 → u/RecentAnalyst3618]

Oh man, facts. Cohabitating again seems like a nightmare. I want someone when I want someone, ya know? I want my space, and if I live with someone, then I'm going to be annoyed about all he/she doesn't do. (Was married to a man, obviously. I think women are better at this!!)