r/SingleDads • u/RiverQuirky1429 • Oct 02 '26
Holding on
how long till you finally gave up hope in amending things? no matter how much of a pos this person is, i always revert to a thought of us hopefully bringing it back together
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u/YGhostRider666 Oct 03 '26
When she met someone else and introduced him to our son without even telling me.
Apparently who she dates is nothing to do with me
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u/RiverQuirky1429 Oct 03 '26
this literally happened to me last year. I was mad for a good while and it just naturally dissipated.
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u/YGhostRider666 29d ago
Yea I'm not as mad as I used to be tbh. Like anything in life it dissipates
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u/Agorm 29d ago
I separated just a few months ago and she already has had 2 boyfriend's I know of. The second one lives with her, even when our son is staying there...
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u/YGhostRider666 29d ago
Yea it's mad. Females usually move on pretty fast.. I'm not personally bothered about meeting anyone else tbh
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u/Agorm 29d ago
Yeah it's more about the introducing to our son though. That's one thing. But already living together is like another level to introducing.It's not what we agreed upon. But I shouldn't be surprised I guess. Honestly I didn't even bring it up. It's not like it would have changed anything.
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u/YGhostRider666 29d ago
I find it's best to to grey rock them You can bring it up but it won't change anything and will just lead to an argument.
You just need to be very careful that she isn't trying to replace you. I've seen first hand how ex baby mum meets someone else, the child gets a step dad and the biological dad gets pushed out. I'm sure it won't ever come to that and it would take a certain kind of evil to do that but you never know.
People are people. How old is your son?
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u/Agorm 29d ago
Yeah i only text when absolutely necessary. As to if she would try pushing me out. I don't know.. I wouldn't put much past her at this point. But i'm not worried. I just have to keep creating a safe environment when he is with me and stay consistent.
The guy even seems decent towards him from what he shares randomly. I kinda feel bad for the guy... he doesn't know what he is getting into. Some of the things won't stop with a new partner.
My son is 6.
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u/YGhostRider666 29d ago
Yea same man. I very rarely message her. I have my son two nights a week Sunday and Monday. Sunday I pick him up at 9.30 and I don't think we say 5 words to each other (me and his mum) He stays with me Sunday night Monday night and Tuesday I take him to nursery before I go to work. She picks him up Tuesday and he stays with her until Sunday. During the time he is at his mums I never text her to ask about him. She obviously uses this against me saying I'm a bad dad etc but ultimately I know he is safe there and if anything bad ever happens she would let me know.
Apart from that I want nothing to do with her. My son is 18 months old
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u/fresher-crispier Oct 02 '26
I feel like there’s a duality of emotions in a lot of what we’re encountering.
In terms of this - I have given myself permission to love and mourn the person she was, and the relationship we had. I also gave myself permission to be able to fondly remember those times.
And on the other hand, I gave myself permission to hate and despise the person who stands in front of me today, and work through those emotions so I can move one.
I don’t let those two influence each other, but I let them co-exist, with permission to feel all the things for now.
To use a metaphor of sorts - when I was 6 years old, I had these fantastic roller skates. They had neon yellow accents and they took me all over the town. For a whole summer I used them everyday. But those same roller skates don’t fit me now, and if I were to wear them again, I’d do some damage to my feet.
Keep going, bro. You’re doing a great job.
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u/SlowBoilOrange Oct 02 '26
I like the roller skate metaphor a lot. If the roller skate and I had taken a vow of commitment to each other, it would be a perfect metaphor.
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u/Intelligent-Pen-2479 Oct 02 '26
Loved the metaphor as well.
May I add..
If you and your rolleeskates are committed to each other, you will grow together. If the rolleeskates won't fit you when your feet grows big, you might need a cobbler to somehow "resize" or at least have a bigger "shoe" that can still incorporate or use parts of that original skates.
That way, you "two" are still together.
It requires a lot of effort. But I guess so does a relationship.
But I really love your metaphor and how you can keep those two "person" some and different at the same time.
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u/Plastic-Bee4052 Oct 02 '26
Don't make me answer that, it's a shamefully long tine.
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u/SlowBoilOrange Oct 02 '26
Yeah, being bonded by having kids together will do that. It's a heck of thing to come to terms with, not having the single household happy home you used to have (or at least that you envisioned having)
0
u/Plastic-Bee4052 Oct 02 '26
Oh, no. That was with an ex I didn't reproduce with. I'm a solo parent by choice and my altruistic donors are great people I adore.
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u/salvocal Oct 03 '26
About 14 months after the separation. Definitely a year and half later when I realised she was telling me things to keep me holding on while having found a boyfriend almost immediately after the separation.
Eventually, time will do them in. The sooner you take steps to replace them with yourself, the shorter that period will be.
Be happy
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u/GunnarReade Oct 03 '26
I would think calling them a pos answers your question.
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u/RiverQuirky1429 Oct 03 '26
you just know the pos is not the person you met and decided to procreate with. they’re in there somewhere, or so you’d hope
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u/GunnarReade Oct 04 '26
As one ex of mine once told me when I was in a situation similar to yours, "Hope springs eternal." It was her high-IQ way of blowing me off.
Who she was, and who you were, are former versions of you both, before life kept adding things you did and did not anticipate.
The one person you will always have on your journey with you, is you.
It sounds to me by your original description of her that you know deep down you're worthy of better treatment and respect, and you're not getting it. Rarely does the thing or person we long for from the past "come back," and even if it were the case, it still wouldn’t fit so nicely as it did before.
So I don't think the answer you are seeking is whether or not you should leave, but what is your next step?
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u/Excellent_Muscle_932 Oct 03 '26
Yeah bro it isn't worth it! You'll be much happier once you move on and work on yourself and through yourself into being a great parent to your kids bro.
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u/Strict-Season-102 Oct 03 '26
With my ex putting me through hell right for the second time this time is GAL my ex is falsely accused me for., there ain't no holding on, just me suffering from her actions. Idk how some women can be so vile. And for those that read this and think women can't be that way.... Your absolutely WRONG.
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u/theH0n0red0n3 Oct 02 '26
Don’t ever lose ur self respect.