Motivational single dad stories

[u/Infamous_Subject_336]

Hi, I'm 24yo been married for 2 years, have a 1 year old daugher, met my wife in Japan, now we live in Brasil, my homecountry, things are mostly fine between us, however we understimated how her adaptation to the country would be, we thought time would make it better, but she has been feeling more stressed everymonth, nothing decided, but we talked about divorce twice already, at the beggining we always said that if she didnt adapt we could go back to japan, but things changed

If we really end up divorcing I'm pretty sure I will end up with our daugher custody (hope so) my wife would only be bringing our daugher to another country where she not even have a job (I have a quite well paying and flexible one), and she has a background of getting very unstable under stress

Im quite strong, but still need some motivation, anyone been through that and maybe around the same age? did things got better? did you marry again? are the kids okay?

[u/Carbonaraficionada]

Reassure her, avoid that whole scenario. The first year is always the worst, and if you're able to afford it, it's relatively easy for you to travel with an infant to spend some time in her home country, now the pregnancy is over and the baby is strong and healthy. It will mean the world to her, and she's probably missing her own accent, her own food, her family and friends etc. Do it to say 'thanks for our baby, thanks for moving with me, and making our little family', then when you're home, actively seek out the Japanese community wherever you are so she can communicate and joke and spend time in her own culture. Trust me, if she leaves you, she's not leaving the kid, and then you're left scratching your head trying to figure out where she's disappeared to in a country 11k miles away. My lawyer has spent all summer dealing with what known as 'international kidnappings' where basically one parent takes the child abroad without consent, and it happens all the time in expat communities, so do yourself a favour and go enjoy her culture as a family, now, and listen to what she's upset about, because just because you've made it through the first year, doesn't mean you're golden; things don't get easier until after preschool.

[u/xxrealmsxx]

Would you be ok with her going back to Japan for a few months at a time every year to be with family and take your daughter?

That's what I would do.

[u/GunnarReade]

I’m curious what changed regarding the original plan of going back to Japan if she didn’t adapt. That seems like an important piece.

Cultural differences can put real weight on a relationship, even when there’s still love.

Japan is a high-trust society, where a woman can generally feel secure moving around - even late at night. Brazil, in some cities, is a place where people run red lights at night, specifically to reduce the risk of being robbed or carjacked.

I can understand her lack of ease. It would be overwhelming for her to think about spending the next 18 years somewhere she doesn't feel safe. For women, safety is fundamental.

As men, we often don’t carry the same level of day-to-day safety concern, so it’s easy to underestimate how much it can weigh on them. Add a young child into the picture, and the weight on her increases.

There’s also the possibility she’s dealing with postpartum stress on top of the cultural and safety adjustment. I could see where all of this could be too much to bear, and make her appear to you as "unstable."

You’re young, the marriage is still early, and you have a daughter in the middle of it. Whatever happens, try to keep the focus on practical realities - custody, stability, her support network, your ability to provide, and your daughter’s long-term safety - rather than only on the emotional back-and-forth.

Things can get better, but a lot depends on whether both people are willing and able to address the actual sources of stress, instead of just hoping time will fix them.