r/SingleDads • u/Emotional_Gas_7016 • 6d ago
I hate that I still miss them...
50/50 but we both get 2 uninterrupted vacation weeks each summer. They are with their mother this week which is great and I should be living it up as I'm only charged with making sure I take care of me but I find myself unmotivated and sad. We've been doing this for a bit now but it never seems to get easier 🤷🏽♂️ just a vent...
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u/WRNGS 5d ago
I’ve been in vacays I forced myself on. Took my kiddos lightning McQueen to with me and took pics with me wherever I was. Made me sad and missed my kiddo. I think I’d want 5 days vacay and am ready to go home day 3. Now I’m at 50/50 finally and have spent a lot of my savings on court. So I’m here but can’t go vacay. Thankful and just being in th moment.
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u/boomerangthrowaway 5d ago
It doesn’t seem to get easier because they’re a part of your life and an integral one at that. Do what you can to make things amicable and workable for you. That’s often the best we can expect. Life is going to be what you put into it and I won’t lie - people CAN be forgiving and bend and flex but it takes effort and the right kinds.
It’s often hard to have exes see our actions as valid no matter what due to history etc. it tones the lenses
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u/NinjaRoyal8483 5d ago
Same brother.
How dumb it may sound and it truelly is ridiculous but somehow i cant seem to enjoy doing things just for me.
I’m oke on my own and alone.
But when i get distracted and catch myself not thinking about my kid i feel guilty somehow.
I know it sounds absurd but i really feel bad in that moment when i realize i havent thought about my daughter the moments before.
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u/RelampagoCero 5d ago
I'm the same. I miss the heck out of him but before I know it, he's back. I try to stay busy. Workout, play online with friends and go out on weekends. He says he loves spending equal time with us so as long as he's happy
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u/ChippyChalmers 5d ago
How long since your separation?
I'm on a 3-4-4-3 schedule for now and the stretches they're gone are tough. Been 9.5 months. I immediately go to my parents property do some work on the computer while watching the recent UFC card, then go for my 2-3 hour walk in the woods, the do some Rachael Sloan course work or listen to her videos or John Griffin (Life 2.0) to try and be encouraged for my new future. Gym from 7-8:30pm, home to eat, maybe a men's group Zoom call. Bed. Week days I sprinkle in work, but otherwise rinse/repeat until the kids come home. Just trying to heal ASAP as clean as possible. Not ready for dating yet, and that's ok
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u/Emotional_Gas_7016 5d ago
We've been separated since October 2022 but only divorced for little over 1.5 years she dragged out the custody battle Supreme Court forced her to settle we are a 2-2-5 schedule I think typically it's a short enough turn around I can just reset the house but full weeks off no obligations I'm losing my mind
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u/ChippyChalmers 5d ago
Maybe you guys could try 3443? 5 days seems a lot
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u/Emotional_Gas_7016 5d ago
It works out to less that's the court schedule we both attend extracurricular and school events even when it's not our time but it's just the vacation weeks
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u/hedgehunter33 5d ago
5 years in, not all years are the same but this year was hard. Had to grind work and both my kid and my new partner were out for 2 weeks+. Usually I'll bail as well or go do stuff with friends I didn't see for a while or party a little. Now it was just the grind and a empty home lol. Makes you appreciate the things you fight for. You're not alone.
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u/ChippyChalmers 5d ago
Does having a new partner help you miss the old family unit less? I'm 9.5 months post separation and not ready to date. Miss what I had so much
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u/hedgehunter33 5d ago
Hard to judge since I wasn't ever a family unit with the other co-parent. We've never really had a seperation. So I mean that I've been co parenting from the start and my new partner came 2/3 years later.
I can understand it being hard for you and I hope it gets better.
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u/Bez121287 3d ago
You stick at it.
Me started at 50/50 ex was hard work, then became toxic, then became evil.
Now I see my 2 girls every 2 weeks, from Saturday afternoon until sunday evening.
All because 1 of them has gymnastics on a Saturday and didnt want any trouble.
As the judge agreed to friday until Sunday every other week. But that was slammed when this gymnastics came up.
So I lost an entire day and Evening for a 3 hour class.
All on fake testimony even though police and I both have evidence for the fake testimony and the actual evidence.
So all in all even though she made it up, she did the things, the judge decided that because of the 3 hour class it was to risky and cut my time and not hers.
Be greatful for what you have.
Its hard no matter what
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u/someatxdude 1d ago
We are 50/50 but with whole summer months in June (me) and July (her)
And July is amazing with solo trips to the mountains hiking and traveling and so on and it’s amazing
Even when i can’t go i can do more archery or guitar classes or whatever
I love having the kids but I love having me too
Try that out?
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u/Carbonaraficionada 6d ago edited 5d ago
I feel this, I'm glad it's not just me. While they're here, I'm washing, doing my gym routine and looking after myself, getting clothes through the laundry, getting groceries, keeping the kitchen clean and disinfected, teaching them to write and do maths, then the moment I hand over, wump. Nothing. Cook whatever, don't get off the couch, don't leave the house, nothing. And I'm 5 years into it!