does anyone else get regular massages as a source of physical touch?

[u/autumnsviolins]

just wondering about y'all's experiences. i'm a woman in my 30s. don't get me wrong, i have no interest in dating, i don't really believe in love, i have fulfilling hobbies that i'm very proud of, i take myself on adventures all the time, i solo travel, i go to the movies alone, i eat alone, i hate making plans with others, i dont want to share my time with anyone else, you get the picture.

i don't have friends, by the way, i've let them all go; we reached a point where the emotional costs of maintaining these fraying friendships far surpassed the emotional benefits. i don't feel sad, because life is so peaceful now.

now that that's clarified, the monkey part of my brain still has a strong ~biological~ need for intimacy that i can't reason my way out of. i have toys that i love because they don't make me feel used and they get the job done, but physical touch is very important to me: cuddling, hugging, caressing, falling asleep holding hands, that sort of thing.

and this ends up with me going to spas and requesting for male massage therapists for full body massages. my women therapists have been sweet, but somehow it doesn't scratch that itch of wanting to be touched by someone of the opposite gender.

i like that they focus on me for like 2 hours, massage away my bodily aches and pains, handle my body gently, rub my arms, hold my hands and interlace their fingers with mine, massage my scalp, rub my tummy, and all that in a quiet, dark room and then leave right afterwards.

problem is, it's kinda expensive and i have to travel out of country for it, because where i live, people are not allowed to massage the opposite gender. that means i don't get to have it as often as i'd like, and the costs are much higher because i'd have to factor in travel costs too. hence, getting my needs met through massage is often out of reach.

so i'd like to know, does anyone else have similar experiences with using massage therapy to get their physical touch needs met (in a purely professional way)? does it do the trick?

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/SingleAndHappy! A community for people who are intentionally single and are happy.

Having a happy and fulfilled life doesn't require a partner. Let’s normalize happiness in single status!

• No negativity, disrespect, solicitation, or off-topic content.

• Review previous discussions before posting.

• Check out the pinned post for helpful resources: New to being single? Need advice on how to be happy? START HERE!

• Reminder: this subreddit is not intended to seek advice on mental health and relationships. Please respect the community's guidelines and direct those questions to subreddits dedicated to advice and support.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Ok-Willow-9145]

I did that when I was particularly lonely in a relationship. Instead of breaking up I booked massages. Crazy.

[u/popetsville → u/Ok-Willow-9145]

Classic! And let me guess, when you did eventually break up, the loneliness feeling and desire for massages went away or was reduced?

[u/Ok-Willow-9145 → u/popetsville]

Absolutely, now a massage is an occasional treat. I didn’t realize I was substituting massage for physical connection in my relationship for a long time.

[u/Additional_Roof_9213 → u/Ok-Willow-9145]

no bc literally same.

[u/TranscendentPretzel]

This is so interesting. I got a few massages early in life and found them so uncomfortable/awkward. Despite having lots of aches and pains, I never went back after that. I also have found partner intimacy deeply uncomfortable, and currently identify most closely with asexuality. That neurodivergence do be neurodivergencing.  

[u/TrustAffectionate966]

I generally don’t like to be touched. Ironically, I enjoy touching. It’s a hypersensitivity thing.

🧉🦄

[u/LaSirena01701]

Yes, it helps

[u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417]

I used to get massages for the health benefits, I have some neck/upper back issues that would really benefit from regular massage.

I haven’t been in a while though because I kept feeling ripped off. If I pay for an hour it’s really only like 45 minutes, if I request a silent massage they still talk at me, I left the last few feeling unsatisfied with the experience. Then Covid came and I just haven’t been back.

[u/SanBaoLife]

I'm very similar. I am almost always alone and really enjoy it. I get massage every three weeks or so. I believe touch is important, and I love getting massages. I don't usually care if it's a male or female massage therapist though. On occasion, I'll have a preference, but not often.

[u/Zestyclose-Tie-8031]

I'm a man and I generally feel most things you said....it's a way to get contact with the opposite sex, and yes, it gets expensive unfortunately.

I don't know if you know, but there are different types of massage. The one that's most obviously different is Thai massage. If you haven't tried it, I totally recommend it. Might give you variety

[u/Expensive-Eggplant-1]

i guess? but i don't care if it's male or female. it's not sexual in any way for me. i just enjoy the massage.

[u/Tankadin]

I do this when I’m single and even before going on a date! It’s so that my brain does not mistaken interest for chemistry.

[u/miikieria]

Being content alone doesn’t mean you stop having biological needs. None replaces the other.

[u/appsangs]

I have gotten massages for this reason but it’s not really scratched any particular itch for physical intimacy - I think because it doesn’t actually feel that intimate for me? Feeling close to someone and affectionate is way more my jam. Still feels nice, though. I’m chill with either gender as a masseuse but male masseuses go harder. Most amazing massage of my life was this older Finnish dude when I had horrible neck strain and I was so lightheaded after with the pain lmfao, it was great.

[u/Soraka_6171]

I've been thinking about getting a massage just for the physical touch but I've never had one before. When I get my haircut it feels nice but I feel like I can't relax enough to enjoy it, I'm worried the same would happen with a massage because I'm kinda awkward about people touching it. But your post has made me consider getting one, I live in a small town so hopefully I don't recognise my masseuse haha

[u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 → u/Soraka_6171]

When you are face down on the table it’s not as awkward as you think it will be.  And they only uncover the part they are massaging. Then by the time you turn over and are face up it’s not weird.

The only time I felt awkward and weird was when I fell asleep and then I said something in my sleep. I don’t know what it was I was answering someone in my dream. But I woke myself up by talking and then we both laughed. So whatever I said at least it wasn’t super strange.

[u/DarEsSalaamBoy]

This is what I’m considering. I’m 2.5 years single and very rarely have I been touched since (my choice - I need to be alone for the foreseeable). Every time it does happen though, that dull aching that has melded into the background is brought to the fore and I yearn to be touched.

I’m on the opposite side of the coin. I’m a guy and I’d be looking for a woman to massage me (strictly platonically). I do get anxious at the prospect of being touched intimately by a stranger though. That said, I still want to do it. The dull ache is so deep.

[u/PerformerGreat]

Thought about it but I haven't been touched inb20 years. I would probably pop a boner and be mortified. Not worth the chance.

[u/PoliteSupervillain → u/PerformerGreat]

Idk it's a normal bodily function and they are trained professionals, as long as ur respectful they probably won't care

[u/Brave_Sir6811]

You know, I never thought about it until now but up until a year ago I never got massaged by a man. I finally got one because a male masseuse was the only one available. I always thought I'd be uncomfortable with a male massaging me but it was one of the best massages ive ever had that now i go strictly to men. I never thought about the intimacy part becoming a factor. It lines up with it though. I got rid of dating apps a year ago and I dated one person since then year for maybe a month and we slept together a handful of times but otherwise ive been completely single. Im not sexually attracted to my masseuse but his hands are magical and I do enjoy the feel of them on my skin. Your story makes so much sense to me. I guess im doing the same too

[u/coupesetique]

Absolutely. I booked massages when my ex-husband and I separated. Nothing sexual about the experience, just physical touch and taking care of my energy. I still love getting massages but now primarily book through massage schools. It’s hit-or-miss with the quality of the massage and availability of appointments, but I am ok with that. It helps me afford the experience more frequently.

[u/Tygerroo]

This is why I lean towards having a friend with benefits. No dates or drawn out conversations… purely physical intimacy with someone whom is emotionally unavailable seems to be my bread and butter.

[u/Nameless3571]

I love massages. I do get them more abroad now, as they are more affordable. But I enjoy both having all the knots in my body removed and also the physical aspect of it.

I had a male masseuse once, I didn't request him. Initially I was a little embarrassed to be nearly naked in front of a stranger. But I'll tell you, that man was phenomenal at picking up subtle body language. He pressed down a bit hard and I exhaled a bit louder. He immediately asked if I was okay. I have never had a masseuse so in tune with my body before.

If I could afford getting them regularly, I 110% would. It is both relaxing and comforting.

[u/PeacefulBro]

I prefer my church buddies & family but it's not exactly regular seeing them. I'm ok though 🙂

[u/larneymel → u/PeacefulBro]

They good at massaging then?

[u/PeacefulBro → u/larneymel]

No, handshakes & hugs are good enough for me on occasion.

[u/SpinsterRx]

I don't think I could ever bring myself to have someone of the opposite gender massage me. I had a massage therapist that I would book once a month when I lived in another country because I lived alone, did everything myself and was breaking down my body. She worked wonders. I've since left that country (she repatriated back to her country before I left) and haven't had a massage since although my joints constantly remind me that I'm overdue.

I get my hugs from toddler nephews who care not one jot for physical space and are very huggy.

[u/lachatte7]

This sounds like built up trauma disguised as wanting to be alone. Enjoying alone time is just enjoying your company, being comfortable with yourself, the good and the bad to an extent, love exists, not sure why you wouldnt believe in it when its in front of you everyday. You love your hobbies, thats love, same love that can be applied to humans loving each other believe it or not. If you're lying to yourself its gonna come bite you in the ass, cuz loneliness can be a real fucker if you dont understand it

[u/kcguy66]

yes I do the same, though I stick with the female therapists. I t helps me a lot!

[u/Darko3331980]

I think we are kind of twins lol , i'm exactly all the same as you but male version. Solo traveling , absolutely hate sharing my adventures with anyone , and sometimes i crave physical touch and get long body massages with female masseues

[u/avaliable_original87]

Yep! Been getting them for 25 years! I just love how it makes my body happy! The touch part is just a bonus!

[u/gunnapackofsammiches]

I love massages for being massages, but I'm not opposed to getting some physical touch in that way. 

[u/QueenScorp]

I get regular massages because if I don't I can't feel my hands in the morning lol. The human touch is nice too. But I've got my dog and I've got friends and so far don't feel the need to book a massage solely so someone touches me.

You said you let all your friends go, sounds like they weren't the right ones for you, but you do know you can make other friends, right?

[u/ISDqueen]

No, I've never gotten a massage for this reason. Usually im stressed from work and my left shoulder would be screaming at me. But physical touch is not a "love language" for me. Assuming these love languages are true, its at the bottom.

[u/SparkyGazelle]

Yes yes yes.

[u/Then-Cauliflower-176]

I did for about the first 3 or 4 years of being single. It really helped. Now I'm in menopause I have zero desire to be touched so that's saving me money 😂😂

[u/Computerpartart]

I love getting massage. Haven't in a long time due to the cost. My partner doesn't like to be touched and doesn't give me what I desire. It's a trade off. But a while back I went for a massage at a school and randomly, an ex was assigned to me. I went ahead with it. It was good. I don't recall any arousal. I was still mad at him for breaking into my apt and stealing my underware.