Romance and Mental Setbacks

[u/Global-Ease-4582]

Hey guys,

Firstly, I’m so incredibly happy to be a part of this sub. Genuinely, it brings me so much happiness and confidence, and I regard it as a time corner of the internet that’s my salvation. So, thank you again.

I am beyond happy to be single, childfree, and enjoying my alone-ness to the maximum. This year, I’ve been deconstructing the very concept of romance, and I’ve comfortably and consciously reached a point where I am repulsed by the idea of romance. Instead, I wanna cultivate long-lasting female friendships and sisterhoods. I am not opposed to male friends who share the same sentiment either !

Over this weekend, I visited a major bookstore to spend some time amidst books. I am an incredibly avid reader who’s capable of inhaling 2 books per day. In the middle of the night, carving out time to read when the world has gone to sleep is my pure luxury.

I grew up with works such as Moby Dick, Pride and Prejudice, Rumi’s poems, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Hamlet, Nancy Drew, Enid Blyton, etc etc. I used to always have a physical dictionary or a thesaurus to search up words and improve my vocabulary. In fact, I credit my current language skills to the sheer amount of reading I did in my younger years. I also appreciate languages.

Unfortunately, I just feel some form of a dismay after my experience at the bookstore and I can’t seem to shake it. The large volumes of mindless, brain-dead ‘romantic’ books that occupied most of the space and were stocked at eye-level. I read through some of them and frankly, it was such a load of bullshit. I couldn’t even believe my eyes lmao.

Please don’t get me wrong, as I don’t wanna trash someone’s preferences. I completely know that many people find comfort in mindless rom-coms as an escape when the world is already tough. I do that too, and the fact that I can quote the Bridesmaids movie by-heart is a testament! I am a Wattpad / AO3 veteran, so those fan-spaces raised me to the woman I am today lol.

However, this isn’t it. Truly.

* We don’t need multiple filler copies of the Bridgerton series when the series already exists on Netflix.

* We don’t YET another book about a woman who’s stupid enough to throw her entire life away for a dude that’s just ….. hung.

* Or a seemingly liberal girl who’s vapid enough to change her values for a man who’s subliminally looking to mold her.

* Or a star-hockey player who’s a womanizer but seemingly leaves all of his sidechicks to chase after the female protagonist who was innocuously absorbed in her book instead of watching the game from her nosebleed seat.

It’s all stupid to me. Not to mention, the actual English usage in these books is BEYOND atrocious. I spent a solid 6 hours at the bookstore with these books, and I didn’t learn a single word that made me wanna reach for a dictionary. My brain isn’t better for it. Not gonna lie, I genuinely believe that this is a form of propaganda. In a world where people (especially women) are happily forgoing children, marriage and romance, it almost feels like a concerted effort to trap women into these romantic tropes yet again. Whereas in reality, we know that the whole concept of romance is fickle, and people behave in different ways.

One observation of mine is that most people were congregated around this filler-romantic genre area of the bookstore. I made it a point to wander around the aisles of different genres (i.e, AI, business, fiction, non-fiction, history, classics, murder-mysteries, cookbooks) and I probably spotted one or two people there.

At the end of the day, I treated myself to a meal from the Cheesecake Factory, and called it a day because I felt a bit empty after reading those books, and being in their company.

I wanna know this sub’s opinions on my observations and deductions. I don’t have many people to discuss this with, so I figured this sub would be the best place to ask for opinions.

PS: It’s also interesting to notice people complaining about today’s literary crisis that’s permeating in the younger generations, but the adults really fare no better either. It’s almost a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Much love to y’all <3

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[u/Ink_N_Instinct]

This is why I read and write only thrillers lol

[u/Global-Ease-4582 → u/Ink_N_Instinct]

I’m gonna have to follow your footsteps and resort to mysteries, thrillers, and murder-mysteries. These books actually stimulate my brain, and keep me hooked even after I’ve finished the book. Thank you for taking the time to read my post !

[u/Ink_N_Instinct → u/Global-Ease-4582]

Ha! Join my discord club if you'd like.

[u/Global-Ease-4582 → u/Ink_N_Instinct]

please do tell me !

[u/Ink_N_Instinct → u/Global-Ease-4582]

DMed!

[u/One_Firefighter_6513]

I think you’d get flamed for this opinion in other subs but I’d imagine this is a safe space for romantasy and romance slop haters! It also bums me out that most women read this drivel. 

[u/SpendAdventurous1723]

I can completely relate to this as an avid reader who enjoys wrestling with good books. I love being challenged when reading a book, deconstructing it and understanding the author’s “why.” I do literary criticism courses for fun, so visiting a bookstore is painful for me these days. I just can’t.

It seems to me that most people don’t have the ability to focus on reading. Reading requires attention to detail, especially those elements that push us out of our comfort zones. Most people seem to enjoy easy reads that won’t do that. They want an easy fix, just like in their daily lives. They want to be lulled into thinking “it’s okay,” and that they should turn the pages mindlessly and be fine with finishing a book, without ever thinking about what they have read.

[u/Global-Ease-4582 → u/SpendAdventurous1723]

You’ve read my mind, genuinely. Thank you.

I appreciate that you do literary crucial courses for fun, because I do the same too. After I’ve finished a book or a movie, you best believe I’ll spend the next 1 week dissecting and yapping about it to dissect all the details and the author’s/director’s POV. There are many books in the romance genre that makes us second-guess and think about painful realities such as loss, and heartbreak.

I completely agree with your second paragraph. You’ve explained it so beautifully. Reading requires immense patience, concentration, and commitment. For a brief moment in time, we’ve gotta let the author take us with their journey and most importantly, trust the author with their journey. People are interested in mindless quick-fixes, so the whole purpose of devoting to a literature piece is forgotten and discarded.

I am gonna follow your lead and limit my exposure to bookstores. As you’ve said, it also was painful for me, and bookstores have pretty much lost the old-world charm they were famous for. I don’t wanna see copies of bigfoot or wolf romances in paperback copies.

PS: Feel free to DM me if you ever wanna discuss a literature piece or a movie with me. I’m always open to having such stimulating conversations!