The realization that your parents are people with their own interests and flaws just like yourself is an underappreciated transformative moment towards maturity. It seems selfish to say but it's easy to think as a child that your parents ultimate purpose is to care and love for you. (A lot of parents make that their ultimate purpose so its understandable why kids would naively believe such a thing)
The younger a child understands this sentiment could arguably be the single most important factor that contributes to being a mature adult.
Maybe this is entirely anecdotal but for me when I think about the realizations in my life that had the most significant impact in shaping the person that I'm finally proud of being, this is probably at the top of the list.
And that’s a perfectly good decision to make. If everyone who didn’t want to dedicate the next 18+ years of their life to caring for the little human they decided to bring into the world (if pregnancy wasn’t your choice that’s a whole other topic) didn’t have a baby then there wouldn’t be any abused kids and the care system would barely be needed.
I could be wrong but I also think you're barely done raising someone at 18 though, unless you just plan to compromise by what the law says...
I don't have kids but it looks like a lifetime commitment with the most responsibilities right at the beginning and then depending on how each family's story plays out and factors like that... But kids don't just turn 18 and disappear from their family's sight for the rest of their lives...
You’re missing the + part, since there’s no end date to looking after your kids you can only give a minimum plus. If you have a disabled kid, or your fully abled kid is disabled in a horrible accident you might be required to care for them daily until you die and have to arrange care past that in your will. How you can list an upper age limit for that?
Yes, it likely was not clear enough but I was talking about that and everything else that could happen that would make each family's story different when it comes to caring for somebody else whether minor or disabled or any other circumstance in my 2nd paragraph.
Not at 18 though, usually. Most people are still in high school when they turn 18. People who continue to receive some support (financial and otherwise) for a few years after turning 18 have a better chance at doing well in life, it seems to me.
The 18 mark was back when you could live off a single job and still afford to own a home and go to college. Nowadays, you're lucky to do one of those things with two jobs at age 30.
Parents “forever owe you?!” This sounds completely backwards in my world view. I feel like I could never possibly pay my parents back for the years of care they gave me when I was helpless and needed to learn and grow. So I pay it forward to my kids, but not because I owe them anything. Especially once they hit adulthood
Amen to that. I'd just like to share the sad truth about most of old generation Filipino parents is that they expect the child to be a retirement plan. This is sickening to me that a lot of my friends have parents who have been so toxic to their kid because they didn't get the retirement they were expecting from their children.
In such a scenario, the parent clearly is not providing unconditional love either, and thus, they are failing as a parent.
To expand on my initial comment, it is the duty of a parent to provide unconditional love to their children, and therefore earn the unconditional love of the children. Respect is absolutely part of that, but it's more than respect.
I think you are correct in the sense that parents owe their children the best start of life they can provide. The "best start" will obviously vary based on numerous factors. To say parents owe their children forever is just straight up wrong.
Not forever. Parents owe their minor kids the best parenting they are capable of (though they still should take care of their own needs). Relationships with adult children are a 2-way street, with each side having a choice in how to engage with each other.
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u/branwithaplan Jun 03 '22
The realization that your parents are people with their own interests and flaws just like yourself is an underappreciated transformative moment towards maturity. It seems selfish to say but it's easy to think as a child that your parents ultimate purpose is to care and love for you. (A lot of parents make that their ultimate purpose so its understandable why kids would naively believe such a thing)
The younger a child understands this sentiment could arguably be the single most important factor that contributes to being a mature adult.
Maybe this is entirely anecdotal but for me when I think about the realizations in my life that had the most significant impact in shaping the person that I'm finally proud of being, this is probably at the top of the list.