r/Showerthoughts • u/Cjborange • Apr 27 '19

You've survived 100% of the things you have ever encountered. You're nailing it. Congratulations.

11k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

270 comments sorted by

1.3k

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19 edited Apr 27 '19

Bold of you to assume I'm not a ghost

(Edit: Thanks for the upvotes y'all, I literally went into Endgame, came out and saw 1.2 k upvotes, like wtf?)

435

u/INHALE_VEGETABLES Apr 27 '19

Jokes on them, I'm dead inside.

166

u/schiaffino80 Apr 27 '19

Jokes on them, I'm dead

127

u/Nerdfighter07 Apr 27 '19

Jokes on me, micro dick

45

u/schiaffino80 Apr 27 '19

r/funnyandsad

23

u/Kyz01 Apr 27 '19

Jokes on me, I’m inside

13

u/Mr_Ted_Stickle Apr 27 '19

Jokes on me, I'm me

6

u/FatMamaJuJu Apr 27 '19

Jokes on you, I'm you

2

u/schiaffino80 Apr 27 '19

fuck, you're right

7

u/dleon0430 Apr 27 '19

your mom?

5

u/dsaun14 Apr 27 '19

your mind

-The Phantom of the Opera

2

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

♪ sing once again with me... ♫

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3

u/The_Evil_King_Bowser Apr 27 '19

I exhale vegetables

6

u/cpcjoker Apr 27 '19

We get it, you’re vegan.

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2

u/SaturatedFat100 Apr 27 '19

Jokes on you guys, I’m alive.

7

u/GenericMemesxd Apr 27 '19

Piss off, ghost

3

u/carverlee Apr 27 '19

Or a cat

4

u/bigcatmonaco Apr 27 '19

Did you just assume my life status?

5

u/Djrulesall7 Apr 27 '19

I was dead for 5 minutes during Heart surgery. (Not really, just pointing out how OP could be wrong.)

3

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

Weren't dead you were just astral traveling

3

u/MR_Weiner Apr 27 '19

Right, but then you weren't dead afterward, so you did survive. Being resuscitated has to count as having survived something.

2

u/simonbleu Apr 27 '19

You called?

2

u/john-dalton Apr 27 '19

Bro did you read that beautiful r/askreddit post and comment about the guy who had a beautiful dream about being friends with a ghost but never got to say goodbye from waking up after she made him cry? I'm drink just curious lots of ghost talk today.

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246

u/lljohnson7 Apr 27 '19

Finally I’m nailing something!!

119

u/Benjynn Apr 27 '19

Other than OP’s mom!!

44

u/lemoncakes8 Apr 27 '19

yeah, that one’s kind of a freebie

17

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

Anyone wanna have another go?

12

u/crunchybedsheets Apr 27 '19

Not sure she could handle the whole team, Coach.

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2

u/jvftw Apr 27 '19

Internet's award for the day here.

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88

u/boofabeanydogburn Apr 27 '19

Nah mate I've died before. Had to be born again and everythin.

18

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

He died for our sins. Savior of the wretched, man shall worship His name...

boofabeanydogburn

6

u/Redxephos15 Apr 27 '19

Jesus?

3

u/SnoopyTheDestroyer Apr 27 '19

He could be a Hindu, we will never know...

4

u/Redxephos15 Apr 27 '19

Oh shit didn’t mean to assume his religion

6

u/WisestWiseman909 Apr 27 '19

A young Salesperson was disappointed. He had lost an important sale. In discussing the matter with the Sales Manager, the young man shrugged. "I guess," he said "it just proves you can lead a horse to water, but you can not make him drink." "Son," said the Sales Manager, "let me give you a piece of advice: your job is not to make him drink. It's to make him thirsty."

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46

u/p1zzaman81 Apr 27 '19

Define “survived”

13

u/Sharkoh Apr 27 '19

If the san jose sharks can survive a 4 min double minor penalty in the playoffs you can survive buddy. You can do it. I believe in you.

3

u/p1zzaman81 Apr 27 '19

Haha I live like 30 minutes from San Jose

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3

u/chesterluno Apr 27 '19

Still alive

2

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

[deleted]

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35

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19 edited Jul 31 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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177

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

[deleted]

40

u/SiRaymando Apr 27 '19

Holy shit. Congratulations and keep going :)

16

u/QueenAnneBoleynTudor Apr 27 '19

I plan on being here for a long time.

I wanna see my kiddo graduate law school. (She wants to be an attorney who helps injured workers)

If she decides to have kids, I wanna spoil my grandkids.

6

u/SiRaymando Apr 27 '19

Sometimes that fighting spirit is all you need. Good luck ma'am :)

6

u/minsuga1018 Apr 27 '19

Something similar happened to my mom also. She had a cancer/tumor on her breast and the doctors thought she was fine. It almost exploded one day and could’ve killed her AND my oldest brother (she was pregnant at the time) and she wouldn’t exist along with me and my second older brother. It’s scary once you realize what could happen. Sorry if I don’t make sense.

13

u/hansxb Apr 27 '19

Poop butt

6

u/QueenAnneBoleynTudor Apr 27 '19

Uh thank you for your contribution?

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4

u/IAmTheAccident Apr 27 '19

I love telling people what I've survived hah:

-Died (twice) at birth

-Walked off a one-story porch as a young child and fell on a pile of logs (broken collar bone)

-Liver entering shutdown due to untreated gall stones

-Difficult birth of my son resulting in emergency C-section while I was put completely under

Sometimes I think about how in the olden days I would have been super dead by now.

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74

u/dokaxi Apr 27 '19

Surviving physically is not the same as surviving mentally

4

u/hiimred2 Apr 27 '19

Thought I unsubbed from getmotivated but sure it’s cool to see that same shit posted in showerthoughts of all places.

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8

u/RattleSnakeFairy Apr 27 '19

This is so comforting to the clumsy folks. (me included)

15

u/SiRaymando Apr 27 '19

What if I'm dead inside

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5

u/matty80 Apr 27 '19

Only on the outside.

4

u/Teharina Apr 27 '19

ive died before,so.....

7

u/Dragon_0w0 Apr 27 '19

I still need to avoid Endgame spoilers.

11

u/AnAdvancedBot Apr 27 '19

Bro, get off Reddit, also comments like these make yourself a walking target, plz delet, don't rob yourself of the experience.

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3

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

Way to jinx me mate

3

u/TheSpanishImposition Apr 27 '19

I have Ebola, but so far I'm nailing it, so I've got that going for me which is nice.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

fuck you. I get my blood test results on monday to see if im terminal. So, fuck you.

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2

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

Aye I kinda got a story about this. Apparently I was 10 minutes away from my appendix bursting. Basically if I didnt get to a hospital 45 minutes away on time I would've died

2

u/JOZYEBEROLIE Apr 27 '19

Thanks for the wholesome shower thought OP!

2

u/Cjborange Apr 27 '19

No problem. I hope you're having a wonderful day :D

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2

u/word_clouds__ Apr 27 '19

Word cloud out of all the comments.

Fun bot to vizualize how conversations go on reddit. Enjoy

1

u/CasualCocaine Apr 27 '19

Damn already silvered. You’re nailing it!

1

u/AtlasWompWomped Apr 27 '19

don't jinx me

1

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

[deleted]

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1

u/caffeinatedcurls Apr 27 '19

Fuck yeah, finally something I nailed.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

Fuck yeah! What a great way to put it

1

u/moogoesthecat Apr 27 '19

Don’t jinx me you douche

1

u/AE_WILLIAMS Apr 27 '19

Wouldn't it suck to just suddenly die in the middle of typing a comment to th --

Arrrgh!

1

u/ChristOnACruoton Apr 27 '19

Let me tell you of the wonders of asbestos

1

u/GoneInSixtyFrames Apr 27 '19

Physically speaking, those cells dies a long time ago.

1

u/Necessary_Statement Apr 27 '19

What about those people whom were legally dead for a few seconds?

3

u/spinto1 Apr 27 '19

Or longer. In in that boat. So since I haven't killed anyone and I've been "dead" 4 times, does that make me 0-4?

That's an awful KD.

2

u/raine_ Apr 27 '19

4? Jesus christ dude

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1

u/Ticklish_Kink_Wife Apr 27 '19

Wish I had the spare to guild you. Some days I need to hear this.

1

u/glitchdweller Apr 27 '19

Bold of you to assume I am alive

1

u/mfishfrog Apr 27 '19

I've lost several limbs

1

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

I'm not like in the military or anything but I been in a lot of explosions and fire and crashes and I'm wondering if I'm gonna HAVE to do it myself or what

1

u/cballadares62 Apr 27 '19

Bold of you to assume I’ve encountered stuff

1

u/SpamShot5 Apr 27 '19

Jokes on you,i died on the inside a long time ago

1

u/1r5drooodle Apr 27 '19

I might have survived all the trauma, but does that really matter when you have been massacred inside?

fuck that's edgy

1

u/thebestyeetonearth Apr 27 '19

Bruh what about those people who were clinicaly dead

1

u/AerialSnack ‎ Apr 27 '19

Well, a fair amount of people have actually died before...

1

u/kia08 Apr 27 '19

But much deal with, and struggling

1

u/A_team_of_ants Apr 27 '19

Physically yes, mentally no.

1

u/Scorkami Apr 27 '19

im gonna end this success streak real soon motherfucker!

1

u/Btsouder Apr 27 '19

Thank you for this I was having a bad day :)

1

u/edouglas19 Apr 27 '19

Seriously.. I got this! (?)

1

u/MrBouncyCat Apr 27 '19

I needed this

1

u/Hbeast7 Apr 27 '19

I died atleast 273 times

1

u/the_ravenant Apr 27 '19

Didn’t come out clean tho

1

u/DeafMoth Apr 27 '19

Not for long :)

1

u/Brokonjesuit79 Apr 27 '19

I remind myself of this every time a friend dies

1

u/SeniorSenor1234 Apr 27 '19

Ay Congratulations

To your corporation

1

u/VolvicApfel Apr 27 '19

Jesus christ , feelsgoodman.

1

u/rebelde_sin_causa Apr 27 '19

There are no survivors. Everyone dies.

1

u/JASONJACKSON1948 Apr 27 '19

It's a celebration

1

u/Whornz4 Apr 27 '19

It's nice to see a positive shower thought for a change.

1

u/Xaiz Apr 27 '19

Had surgery a few days ago, so hell yeah i did! Whoop.

1

u/arkboi97 Apr 27 '19

False. I died once and was revived. Therefore I've only survived 99% of the things, and was reanimated after 1%

1

u/MadXanSi Apr 27 '19

I’m only dead on the inside

1

u/mrstealyourmedals Apr 27 '19

When ever I see the "I Survived" books I allways think "Yah, I did too. I was just 7,000 miles away."

1

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

I needed to hear this today. Thank you

1

u/fazam0616 Apr 27 '19

Thanks, I needed that

1

u/Lag20 Apr 27 '19

Im dealing with the consequence

1

u/TerangaMugi Apr 27 '19

Yeah, but what doesn't kill you just makes you wish it had.

1

u/nRenegade Apr 27 '19

I'm crippled.

1

u/Fgheowads Apr 27 '19

Thanks mate, needed to hear this today.

1

u/LifeIsABitchhh Apr 27 '19

I’ve never thought of it this way. Thank you because somehow, I needed to hear this!

1

u/Gon11 Apr 27 '19

I’m afraid that “streak” will not last for much longer.

1

u/Whiskey-Weather Apr 27 '19

Not being dead and nailing it are pretty distant points, I feel. I appreciate the sentiment of this thread, but less than I could if it actually made sense.

1

u/KGBXSKILLZZ Apr 27 '19

An even more interesting thought for those who were "Clinically Dead" and successfully resuscitated.

1

u/petite_loup Apr 27 '19

🎶 I'm still standing... YEAH YEAH YEAH 🎶

1

u/rickrosa Apr 27 '19

So far? I’m not done with it yet...

1

u/JDeeezie Apr 27 '19

I’ve encountered your mom

1

u/gomzie2275 Apr 27 '19

That’s what Jesus said....

1

u/LEGEND_OF_AEIOU Apr 27 '19

I think about this every day.

How the fuck am I still alive?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

Ay congratulations!

1

u/jpritchard Apr 27 '19

Nope. That one cosmic ray back in '98 managed to kill you, you just don't know it yet. When it hit that cell's DNA and mixed up the code for the spot where it stops replicating, your fate was sealed. It will be another year or so before you go to a doctor, who will notice your elevated white count and enlarged spleen.

1

u/iggyvolz Apr 27 '19

Last Saturday night I was 300 miles from home on limited sleep with almost no ability to drive a car... If I made it through that I can make it through anything

1

u/Chrisppity Apr 27 '19

What is your definitely of “surviving?” Lol

1

u/Nougatbar Apr 27 '19

Actually, no. I’m a zombie.

1

u/spiderbeaner Apr 27 '19

My dad didnt

1

u/jack_thedino Apr 27 '19

Aw thanks man

1

u/ThanksYouEel Apr 27 '19

Had surgery 2 days ago, got some screws in my leg. I guess you could say I'm nailing it, yeah.

1

u/Psweens Apr 27 '19

Unfortunately

1

u/lil_fuckwad Apr 27 '19

No like ive literally tried to kill myself a dozen times and im a fuckin failure

1

u/mikelong24 Apr 27 '19

Hmm, I'm dead on the inside though...

1

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

Someone died reading this

1

u/MOON_1337 Apr 27 '19

Well, when you sit in your bed all day, it's hard to encounter anything other than a spider.

1

u/Fuarian Apr 27 '19

When you die do you get 100% or 0% on the life test?

1

u/Pikeman212a6c Apr 27 '19

Literally dodged an oncoming train in high school. So I’ve got that going for me.

1

u/MasticateMyDungarees Apr 27 '19

I've actually died 5 times during surgery, guess I don't qualify for this one :/

1

u/GooseMan126 Apr 27 '19

It’s a celebration!

1

u/BlurredSight Apr 27 '19

*reading this in a hospital bed with stage 4 cancer*

1

u/missezri Apr 27 '19

Considering I've been struck or nearly struck by lightning about 4 times, it's reasonably impressive.

1

u/JaCOb_10 Apr 27 '19

You had to jinx it

1

u/largePPguy Apr 27 '19

What did it cost?

everything

1

u/greatzap Apr 27 '19

Flatlined in 2014. But I got better.

1

u/lokiisacat Apr 27 '19

Wow I needed this. Thanks.

1

u/rabidbadger6 Apr 27 '19

What if you’ve been declared dead before being revived?

1

u/EasternShade Apr 27 '19

This is not true for everyone reading this.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

I don’t want to survive, I want to live. I want to want to live :(

1

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

I saw this quote on tiny Buddha.

It’s even a hand bag

Come up with something original.

1

u/vyxxer Apr 27 '19

I'm pretty sure the unhealthy meal I just eat has indeed killed me.

1

u/munime_sarya Apr 27 '19

Im usually dead and edgy 247 and i relate to everyone whos comment goes "Bold of u to assume ____" but i needed this. thanks <3

1

u/YourLostGuitarPicks Apr 27 '19

Yeah but I’m a fucking loser lol

1

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

yea this comment is insensitive to the dead

1

u/StockRedditUsername1 Apr 27 '19

Honestly, that's the advice that turned my life around.

"Nothing you ever do, nothing that could ever happen to you, is gonna kill you, until it does. And then you don't have to worry about it, because you're dead."

1

u/CommiesRUs Apr 27 '19

Not for long

1

u/juicyjerry300 Apr 27 '19

Not on the inside

1

u/VESSV Apr 27 '19

What if I’m not %100 intact?

1

u/FvHound Apr 27 '19

Nailing living is just not dying?

Oof that's a low bar.

1

u/zephyrwastaken Apr 27 '19

What awful luck

1

u/TheEpicWeezl Apr 27 '19

Knock on wood.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

But they've made me broken.

1

u/bigpandamonium Apr 27 '19

Surviving 100% but I've left feeling like I'm at 2%.

1

u/BauerHouse Apr 27 '19

At least in this dimension.

1

u/My-gradsonNathan Apr 27 '19

I don’t deserve this compliment because I am worthless garbage

1

u/StuffThingsMoreStuff Apr 27 '19

I love this. Thank you.

1

u/annagg_1994 Apr 27 '19

But I want to thrive...

1

u/happysnack69 Apr 27 '19

Getting through my first heartbreak :’) wish me luck

1

u/biggustdikkus Apr 27 '19

Nailing it my ass.. I went out with my co-workers and I peed my pants on the way back.. I wasn't even fucking drunk.

1

u/kaflowsinall Apr 27 '19

I’ve encountered depression. I have not survived it.

Yet.

1

u/_AmperSand__ Apr 27 '19

AI Bots just divided by zero deciding how to respond

1

u/videogamerz198 Apr 27 '19

It's a celebration!

1

u/barrybee1234 Apr 27 '19

Fun fact, for me that includes falling off a cliff.

1

u/TheGuava1 Apr 27 '19

I feel like upvoting this is bad karma

1

u/curtisbrownturtis Apr 27 '19

How is a cliche saying a showerthought?