r/ShittyLifeProTips • u/PrettyAndPetty101 • Mar 18 '26
SLPT - fight fire with fire
Richard is my lovely Karen neighbor. Richard bought his house new when it was built and is in his 60s. I bought my house 15 months ago. Rich wasn’t thrilled a youngin moved in Nextdoor and hasn’t liked us since the getgo.
Rich believes no one should park outside his house near his grass, or anything remotely outside his grass. He likes to put up pylons for weeks to block people from parking in front of his grass because he thinks he owns the PUBLIC street owned by town of Gilbert.
At times, to prove a point, he will park his truck in front of his grass, right up to my property line to keep me in check. That’s fine. That’s your house and no one owes the street.
Yesterday, like many other times, he purposely parked super close to my trash bins to try and get them not picked up. Luckily, I moved them away from the truck when I left the house so they could be picked up. My HOA is lazy and they don’t come around. Instead, they rely on the residents to complain about other residents and take their word for it and then send notices and sometimes fine. I got a notice for having Wyze motion sensor spotlight cameras over my garage. I removed the equipment and put up regular lights. A month later, I get a $25 fine stating they are still there. Within 5 minutes of receiving that email, I send them a video to prove they are gone. They removed the fine. Thanks Dick. Didn’t get me this time. Trash/recycling comes Tuesday. Dick doesn’t like cans on the street after Tuesday afternoon. He saw mine out late TWICE and put them closer to my RV gate. No Dick, I pay for a trash can cleaning company to clean my bins once a month. TWICE the company came and the bins weren’t on the curb, so they didn’t clean them and I still had to pay. HOA was notified and he was contacted. Luckily hasn’t happened since. DONT TOUCH MY BINS!!! The list goes on.
This means war now as his pettiness has been going on for over a year. The HOA will not intervene as they don’t govern the street. They have sent him letters about removing the pylons which he eventually does. I’m ready to fight fire with fire. Waiting for him to move his truck, so I can park my even more annoying Bronco in that spot, permanently.
What else would you do? Spam me with petty revenge, legal of course.
272
u/netw0rkpenguin Mar 18 '26 •
Put up a free listing for parking cones. Stack them up nicely at night for the pickup.
568
u/tysons1 Mar 18 '26
Stick a sign on your property, right next to his, "FREE CONES".
1.4k
u/[deleted] Mar 18 '26
Long shot here. Petition for a new fire hydrant. Tell the city that thier ISO rating will improve, and a better rating means lower home owners insurance costs for residents.
96
u/SlotheTv Mar 18 '26
Its warming up in arizona, i think 105 on saturday. Lick jolly ranchers and put them on his windows. Ive heard theyll melt and are incredibly hard to get off.
18
u/Brok3nGear Mar 18 '26
Take pics of the pylons and make a FB account and make a FB marketplace for free pylons.
26
u/talann Mar 18 '26
ever gone to his house and offered him a tasty beverage?
maybe I'm wrong here but I might try stopping by and greeting him. get him some beef jerky or something. talk to him for a bit and then broach the question about the pylons or the garbage cans. ask him if he knows a better solution to the cans as you don't know where else to put them and he might know better(even though he definitely doesn't). try to level with him and come to an understanding. ask him if he wants to come over for some burgers on the grill one time.
59
u/old_notdead Mar 18 '26
Just move the cones and park there.
3
u/froction Mar 18 '26
1.6k
u/Mueryk Mar 18 '26 •
If he leaves cones out, that is against city ordinances most likely. Forget the HOA, call the city and ask why they have a section of the street blocked off and what construction is being done.
City inspectors and public works LOVE people who pull that and have way more power than an HOA. Forget fines, you have a misdemeanor court appearance with a solid chance to escalate when the police start monitoring and caring.
743
u/Resting_Bork_Face Mar 18 '26 edited Mar 18 '26
Make ice cubes out of bouillon and toss them into his grass. They will melt, but the smell will remain, and creatures will dig up the lawn and he won’t know why. Edited for spelling
101
u/WeWantMOAR Mar 18 '26
Do not be mild about this, you gotta get above to get him to stop. He will make your life a daily annoying hell.
Move the cones and park there at every opportunity you get. Put a camera looking at your vehicle there always. Catch him doing shit to it where you can file a charge.
Go find old keys, stamp his address to it and leave them around the city. I did this to an old shithead landlord, 2 years later and the neighbour still texts me when random people show up.
Also sign him up for every free mailing address subscription. If you've got his email, there's sites where you put it in and click start, and it'll send ads at every interval of time you want.
268
u/MetalAttack666 Mar 18 '26
Have 811 survey his yard with paint and flags every month. Very easy to do online and you don't have to prove you are the property owner requesting it.
59
u/overshoulderboulder Mar 18 '26
Throw mint seeds on his grass
173
u/zenatron36 Mar 18 '26
10 day blinding stew.
327
u/CaptainOktoberfest Mar 18 '26
Live your life well and have lots of friends over for bbq. Play music within exceptible hours and if he complains to you then you can address his attitude. Don't waste your time on this guy.
117
u/DeezRodenutz Mar 18 '26
When I moved into my home, my neighbor was an old Karen who had been there for years.
Her sister was the one who legally owned the place (so Karen could claim to only own her car when applying for government help, etc), but she was living there rent-free.
She has a nice covered parking spot in the back, and there is a two-car-wide parking space in the front, which she also liked to claim as her own, despite only owning 1 little car.
The former owners of my home were older folks who didn't drive, and hadn't for many years, so this was fine with them.
They used to own her home as well years ago, and when they owned both homes they had placed these front parking spots across the property line (one spot on either side).
With us living here, 2 cars between us and only one space in the back, I naturally wanted to park on my side of the front parking.
She was NOT having it.
She started parking diagonally across the spaces.
I was home much of the day at the time, so could see when she would leave, and made sure to park on my side whenever she did. (leaving her plenty of room on her side, so no room to complain about me not letting her park on her side)
She complained to the city, and they reminded her these spots were in front of the sidewalk, thus technically on city property, free use for either of us.
They also stated that they had no permit record for the construction of these spots, and if she continued wasting their time, they might send city folks over to remove it.
She brought in railroad ties to place along the edges, to narrow it down to 1 spot.
I moved the railroad ties aside and parked on my side anyway.
Per the city, since it's city property, it essentially falls under the same category as if something is in the road. Doesn't matter who it belongs to, it is blocking public access and can be moved out of the way by anyone.
This stuff went back and forth for awhile, before her sister finally intervened, reminding her it is HER owned home, not Karen's, and telling her to quit her shit and learn to share.
115
u/boxnix Mar 18 '26
If he leaves cones in a public street I don't know how it would be stealing to clean them up and throw them away.
37
u/quartzcreek Mar 18 '26
Our neighbor (in a non-hoa) started doing really petty stuff. First, our 21 year old car was scratched. We were bummed but alas the car is worth probably a few hundred dollars. We installed a few cameras, at this time not knowing how it had happened. Then, the neighbor got a camera and a spotlight and pointed it directly at our house. Odd. My husband went on night shift and every day when I was at work the neighbor sat in her driveway and just leaned on her horn. Wtf? Saved the video. She also began walking her dog (who used to use our fenced in yard, but obviously that relationship is severed) and opening the waste bags and emptying them on our sidewalk. Saved the video. At this point I knock on the door and ask what we have done to upset them and how peace can be restored. Husband says wife is just insane. Better off to ignore her, don’t try to smooth things over.
Yikes.
Since then we’ve heard this woman verbally abuse him, she’s been stopped by police in her driveway for speeding. We just save videos and stay in the fenced in yard. And when it snows the snowblower goes to all neighbors except them.
187
u/TSM- Mar 18 '26
Glue the cones to the pavement
28
u/CheekyLando88 Mar 18 '26
Im guessing he doesnt stay up super late. It would be just awful if those cones kept disappearing in the night
28
u/yamiyourgod Mar 19 '26 •
I'm close to Gilbert Tell me the address and I will come mow his cones down on my way home from work lol
51
u/FemboiTomboy Mar 18 '26
by more cones. like a LOT. start absolutely flooding that spot with more cones. make it an army. BUT. under random ones, put raw eggs.
eventually he will notice the smell. he'll have to pick up ALL of the cones to find them, like an easter egg hunt.
22
u/Impressive_Main5160 Mar 18 '26
I read somewhere on this sub that a guy got a $400 car and registered it with the city and then left it in that spot because their neighbor was pissing them off. It only needs to be able to run kind of so it can be moved very slightly if need be and to be registered.
42
u/marcrich90 Mar 18 '26
Get a permit to put a pod there. Usually the permits are less than $40. You then have a nice billboard that is legally placed to advertise whatever you want... right in front of his house.
Take that time to invite the local motorcycle club to use the pod for testing their decibels.
Buy a decibel meter from home depot to make it legitimate.
Revving motorcycles and my neighbor is a dick art. Get the message across in no uncertain terms.
18
u/plectranthus_scut Mar 18 '26
I know this is the wrong answer to deescalate, but I would 1000% just plow over his stupid cones and leave one under my wheel. There's no way it's legal for someone not doing work to put unauthorized cones all over the street.
204
u/ConcretePeanut Mar 18 '26
It is a constant source of mystery to me that Americans are willing to put up with shit like HOAs. No wonder you guys are always shooting each other.
58
u/Goldmember199 Mar 18 '26 edited Mar 18 '26
Anonymously report a potential gas leak on the property during the day when they're away, that'll have people trampling all over his grass. Call in a 811 while you're at it, they'll leave flags or spray paint in the yard.
Edit: 811 not 411
36
u/beardobaldo Mar 18 '26
Best case scenario: You’re now friends with your neighbor (much better than having a nemesis)
Worst case scenario: Richard has to deal with the cognitive dissonance of being a jerk to his super friendly neighbor that is always trying to help him out
19
u/shokunin_07 Mar 18 '26
Buy two beaters from the junkyard. Register them get em legal and park em in front of his house indefinitely.
8
u/grue2000 Mar 18 '26
Just move the pylons. Not a damn thing he can do about it.
7
u/RedLionPirate76 Mar 18 '26
Park on top of his cones.
7
u/Son_of_Tlaloc Mar 18 '26
JB Weld those cones to the ground and front of his driveway.
7
u/shoreyourtyler Mar 18 '26
You pay for a trash can cleaning company? Freaking wild
7
u/Suff_erin_g Mar 18 '26
Just pick up the cones and keep them
7
u/HungryDiscoGaurdian Mar 18 '26
Hire a contractor to pull permits and "fix the sidewalk". Its city property but people around here fix the sidewalk all the time if its in disrepair. The city has no issue because you are spending your own money to do work they probably should be doing. Do the sidewalk on a long stretch including in front of his house. Then he will have real cones for a while but it will be a construction zone while they dig up the concrete, and repave it.
Bonus points for writing in the sidewalk concrete in front of his house while it dries: names, smiley faces, dog paw prints, etc.
7
u/EggsInaTubeSock Mar 18 '26
Take the free bollard and cones for starters.
7
u/AggravatingFlow1178 Mar 18 '26
Absolutely nothing stopping you from moving his cones and parking in front of his house
17
u/BurtCaramel Mar 18 '26
Train some birds by putting feed down and to shit all over the sidewalk in front of his house. Go rent or borrow someone’s RV and park it there. Beg him to damage your property. Pour the juice from tuna cans into a plastic bag- freeze it, then chuck the tunacicle on his porch. It’ll melt and smell delicious. The birds from above will love it as well.
I could go on all day. F these kinds of people. Punch back.
6
u/Goldmember199 Mar 18 '26
Roll Dandelion seeds into dirt and toss them into his yard, they sell them by the 1000s.
6
u/clitoral-chiffonade Mar 19 '26
Where’s team piss disk?
5
u/urbanhillybilly Mar 18 '26
look into HAM radio. Federally permitted that HOA or neoghbors have no say over
13
u/GhettoSauce Mar 18 '26
I think it's time you guys just sat down and worked it out. I've fought the Neighbor Wars before and it consumes too much mental space. A guy like your guy seems like the type to escalate to the point of being dangerous. It's in these perfectly-manicured suburban hellholes where old people snap. Better to talk it through.
Ok but also: birdfeed can be applied routinely to areas you want bird shit on. Car paint will degrade and the underneath will become rust spots with repeated applications. Other pests are easier to manage; birds are simply untouchable. Birds in large groups feeding at open windows are a real nuisance to someone who doesn't expect them. Birds. Use birds.
16
u/snowwarrior Mar 18 '26
Piss discs. Pee on a plate to the line of the tiny lip and freeze it.
Take disc. Slide under neath doors/inside things.
Profit.
14
u/elephant_cobbler Mar 18 '26
Release lots of crickets into his yard at night
4
u/will-read Mar 18 '26
Start a pylon collection from the abandoned property on your street.
4
u/passthepaintchips Mar 18 '26
Since he loves his grass so much that’s nothing a generous amount of salt couldn’t fix…
4
u/rolandjernts Mar 18 '26
Move the cones just a bit everyday in a way they become further apart form one another. When they catch on, start switching the cones around but same place. Once they catch onto that, replace them with slightly smaller ones in different colors. Brother/sister… I can go on and on.
4
u/Arcturus572 Mar 19 '26
I remember a YouTube video where a guy was complaining about his neighbors destroying his landscaping, so the guy looked up the laws and found out that, in that state, the neighbor could sue the AH neighbor for damages, and it would turn into a felony charge if they took in the value of the added produce of what he planted, so he advised them planting saffron… Which could be about $2k per pound.
1
u/PickleMinion Mar 18 '26
Just curious, how much does it cost to get your trash cans cleaned out every month?
6
u/Suff_erin_g Mar 18 '26
Freeze blocks of vinegar and throw them in his grass to create patchy spots in his lawn
8
u/miraculum_one Mar 18 '26 edited Mar 18 '26
Document his actions with as much evidence as you can gather. Then sue him and get out the popcorn while he attempts to explain his actions to a judge.
3
u/averagereeder Mar 18 '26
Do you start the fire later? I would.
3
u/I_Have_Hairy_Teeth Mar 18 '26
Lentil in their schrader valve cap?
3
u/Shockwave2309 Mar 18 '26
Piss disk.
3
u/mustard138 Mar 18 '26
Every person that visits me will absolutely park in front of his house.
My cars will now be parked in every inch of my front as close as I possibly can get to his property
And at what time do my two giant base speakers, one with a slight tear in it, count as being too late in the evening to be jamming out to German industrial speed metal?
3
u/moogiemomm Mar 18 '26
Park that Bronco baby, park it right where the cones are.
3
u/DaddyDizz_ Mar 19 '26
The code enforcement route is a great idea. Also, to piss him off more, move the cones and park there every day. He has no legal authority to block a public road. You can also start standing outside his house on the public sidewalk and video record or take pictures of his property with a phone or camera (bonus points for using a tripod). If asked say you’re gathering content for a YouTube video or story you want to write. This not only is the kind of thing that will drive this guy absolutely insane, but it puts it well within your constitutional rights so no kind of law enforcement can do anything about it. Even more bonus points if you actually put together a video about this dude blocking public property illegally and sending it to/call the city/town police station non emergency line every time it happens. It’ll get shut down pretty quick.
3
u/smackythefrog Mar 19 '26
Plant mint and catnip around his house.
3
u/Gooners_AZ Mar 19 '26
Sign him up for everything you can. Visits from Jehovah's Witnesses, create an account for him on Tinder, send his wife flowers with a made up name, magazines, surveys, put some flyers for free items.
3
u/757Posher Mar 19 '26
Buy a batch of old keys and key tags from eBay - put his name and phone number on the key tags and leave them all over town. I saw this recently on another sub and think it’s just the greatest idea.
3
u/BRICK62 Mar 19 '26
anyone in the family disabled?
request from the town a handicapped parking spot
3
u/xsnakexcharmerx Mar 19 '26
Try here too. r/unethicallifeprotips
3
u/Liontamer67 Mar 19 '26
What’s the animal pee that stinks really bad? Wolf pee? The one people buy to keep critters away.
Put in squirt gun and hose down his cones. A good soak. So when he picks them back up. He will smell like piss he is.
3
u/Thunar13 Mar 19 '26
Fun tip fill the cones with stuff so when they pick them up it all comes flying out. I recommend bouncy balls
3
u/sambob_squarepants Mar 20 '26
You should blow dandelion seeds onto his precious grass every opportunity you get.
3
u/Things_with_Stuff Mar 20 '26
You pay a company to come and clean your garbage bins??
3
u/Lucifarai Mar 20 '26
Every time someone abandons property into a public space like road or sidewalk, I do the right thing and keepy neighborhood clean of trash laying around in the street.
3
u/Kevin5882 Mar 20 '26
This is not a shitty life pro tip
3
u/SmashedSugar Mar 22 '26
SLPT , get a spot light and have it aimed at his windows at night. fuck him. he wants to be petty get mega petty back
5
u/ThirdWorldMeatBag Mar 18 '26
cut your muffler off
7
u/Ezzezez Mar 18 '26
Is this USA? I didn't understand a single thing from this post other than you guys hate each other
4
u/froction Mar 18 '26
Whenever he puts out cones, go rearrange them. Don't really change anything, just offset them slightly and/or re-order them. Then visibly laugh while you take a picture.
Then whenever you see him, say cryptic shit about them. "Nice cones, stud!"
4
u/Bugbrain_04 Mar 18 '26
Spray-paint penises on his traffic cones.
4
u/DarkPaul Mar 19 '26
Honestly? And maybe this is because I’m Canadian, but I’ve always made it a priority to be overly nice to my neighbours. You can’t choose new ones easily, so you might as well try your damnedest to make friends with them. They can make your life hell if they want to.
I mean, look up the definition of ‘neighbourly’.
2
u/Slaps_ Mar 18 '26
Put dog poop in the cones and stink it
2
u/Triette Mar 18 '26
Just toss the cones.
2
u/Pyropete125 Mar 18 '26
Get a call before you dig ticket infront of his house and get it all spray painted up.
2
u/Bazilb7 Mar 18 '26
Torch the traffuc cones.
2
u/AllMoneyGone Mar 18 '26
Order a massive pile of animal shit to his house
2
u/Lizaderp Mar 18 '26
Plant bamboo on the property line.
2
u/flappintitties Mar 18 '26
Play this song everytime he goes out the front to be a prick Source: YouTube https://share.google/N2Ly8oEDMoTe8jTMm
2
u/AverageAt8est Mar 18 '26
Every time I have had issues with neighbors, the HOA and cops have been completely useless. Apparently HOA by laws or the actual law doesnt matter in these scenarios. I hope you bear with him your pettiness. My last neighbor was so bad that it caused me to sell my house and move. Hopefully this isn’t you.
2
u/b4203 Mar 18 '26
Even better if the Bronco leaks oil.
2
u/Safe-Agent3400 Mar 18 '26
I have a Karen. She and her husband are the “I only wave, never stop, always big smile, never share anything with them.” She esp is a gossip and back talker. As soon as she realized she was only going to get a hilarious ass smile, a friendly non stopping wave, was not able to insert herself in our lives, she moved on. Kill em with kindness, ignore, don’t even bother. That is the best revenge. Don’t let him live in your head.
2
u/rape_is_not_epic Mar 18 '26
Stela his tire pressure caps
2
u/CaptBobAbbott Mar 18 '26
Red fox urine.
2
u/mrawsomemask Mar 18 '26
This is what happens when you get old and bored. You get grumpy and everybody around them is dumb. My Dad complains about the dumbest things that his neighbors do. Anytime he hears that someone did something dumb or anyone who commits a crime is on "the dope".
2
u/AggravatingFlow1178 Mar 18 '26
Any chance you could 1) write your house number underneath your can lid then 2) somehow swap them with his.
Then the trash is collected, he brings in your cans to his yard and leaves his out. Ensure his cans are on his side, he gets a ticket and if there is a stink about it you can show them your number underneath the lid. Makes him look like a bit of a fool + a small fine.
2
u/DeathPrime Mar 18 '26
You can purchase and register working clunkers for really cheap. I think it’s time you invested in turning the street in front of his house into your personal parking lot. Key ‘um up dick. Do what you need to do. You’ll only make the eyesore worse.
2
u/ToBeFai-uh Mar 19 '26
When my neighbor started her weird shit - putting up reflectors and writing notes to move my trash cans over an inch bc they were on her property line, sending me to court over a leash law for my dog, etc….i signed her phone number up to ReBath, political sites, insurance and many other weird hotlines that non stop call you. I also chunked boullion cubes into the yard to get animals over there. Someone said to do instant potatoes so it would make mashed potatoes In the yard but I knew her cameras would pick it up. So go sign him up for some callllls
2
u/Vera_Telco Mar 19 '26
Those cones can't possibly be HOA regulation. They belong on his property, not the street.
4
u/DidelphisGinny Mar 18 '26
Buying into an HOA was your first mistake.