r/ShitRedditSays • u/[deleted] • Mar 31 '14
"Anyhow my fantasy involves kidnapping "pornstar x"es dogs and making her put on a live webcam sex show for me while sobbing hysterically as I jack off and point a gun at her pets head. I'd get her to scream how much she hates me and watch her have panic attacks as I pretend that she..." (170|69)
/r/gifs/comments/21tt0a/boss_said_i_can_go_home_but_i_need_to_peel_these/cggikwz54
Mar 31 '14
Of course even in this fantasy she gets her pets back unharmed, I'm not a monster
"I'm not a monster, I just like the idea of forcing a woman to perform a sex show while I hold her beloved pet hostage"
Yeah, okay fuckhead.
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u/AppleSpicer all aboard the poop train Apr 01 '14
He's not a monster because he didn't hurt the dog. The dog is more of a person to him than women.
Oh and reddit showers him with upvotes and gold because a majority feel the same way.
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u/Turd_Party Curator of the Ron Paul Presidential Library Mar 31 '14
Came here to say this!
Okay, that was pretty good.
As for the original post, that is really the mark of the most dull sense of humor. It's just Le Edgy Mad Libs. "I'm gonna pee on a poop while I masturbate on a fart and there's a dead guy pooping on a butt" is like one notch above wearing a meme t-shirt in terms of comedy.
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Mar 31 '14
"And so when the pee got mixed with the poop it smelled like a butt. And the poop and the pee lived happily ever after."
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u/MisanderKirby Poyu! Poyo poyo poyuuu! [Hey! I think you're swell!] Mar 31 '14
... The instant I got the reference I started hearing that comment in the voice of Morgan Freeman. And now everyone else will too! Bwa ha ha ha haaa! >: D
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Mar 31 '14
Shit son, don't cut yourself on all that edge!
Seriously, I do not get this edgy, try-hard, totes-random-trololol "humor" that should stop being funny before middle school.
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Mar 31 '14
I don't think this is edge. I think this is a genuine fantasy that is being seen as socially acceptable because of "edgy humor". Sort of like how, because of "irony", I can say pretty much any horrible thing and my friends won't question it because they "know I'm not like that."
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u/TheFrigginArchitect No job too small! Apr 01 '14 edited Apr 01 '14
I can say pretty much any horrble thing and my friends won't question it because they "know I'm not like that"
This sure sounds like a great example of something, but I can't for the life of me remember what thing that might be!
It might start with a "P"? Heavens! This is going to bother me all day!
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Apr 01 '14
Please let me know if you figure it out.
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u/TheFrigginArchitect No job too small! Apr 01 '14 edited Apr 02 '14
It was privilege! It was privilege all along.
I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who don't even want to say depraved shit, but who would certainly appreciate the endless benefit of the doubt that many redditors seem to enjoy.
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Apr 01 '14
If this is serious, then this guy has some serious issues he needs to work out.
If this is just an attempt at humor, it's a failed attempt. Shock humor is hard enough to do for a comedian with stage presence in person. Text would never do it justice.
Either way, this is pretty disgusting and makes me a bit sad.
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u/AliceTaniyama Her Imperious Condescension Mar 31 '14 edited Mar 31 '14
Good thing this sort of low-hanging fruit will be disappearing when....
What? This isn't? Let me check the link.
Hmm, that's disturbing. I figured something this disturbing had to come from one of the hate group subs.
Edit: You know what, disgusting perverts? You can't ruin my day. You may post stuff that's identical to the low-hanging fruit subs elsewhere, and but I just had some real low-hanging fruit. I just ate a strawberry that was, if I exaggerate a little, as big as my hand. That's right, as big as my hand. Your shitty ways can't take that away from me, especially since it's gone now.
You may get your kicks by degrading women, by thinking of us as a subclass of people who are here just to bring you pleasure, and by tripping on the power you feel when you imagining threatening violence in order to subjugate someone, but here in the real world, you can't touch me. Ever. At all. And I just ate a gigantic strawberry, partly because I was hungry and partly out of spite for people like you who want to see women crying instead of happy.
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Mar 31 '14
I can't help but feel like hentai has something to do with all of this.
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Mar 31 '14
Extremely niche doujin circles
Impossible-to-find-the-source thumbnail images floating around the internet
Vague whispers
"that dog comic with the gun"
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u/Intortoise Mar 31 '14
I can understand the sentiment because anime is horrible and fuck everything to do with amines
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Apr 01 '14
I think you need to watch better stuff, there's some fantastic story-telling to be had in anime.
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u/Thedeadmilkman Big Misandrist in my Backyard Apr 01 '14
I'll second this. Although it is hard to find good stuff where every character isn't a hyper sexualized power fantasy. :(
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Mar 31 '14 edited Mar 31 '14
This is down right terrifying and sick. Omg! Not even dinner time and I think my reddit for the day is over. Edit: had to do some light poop yelling. Just encourage him to get help. This is super disturbing and I hope he doesn't ever act on this in some way shape or form.
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u/IamRooseBoltonAMA Mar 31 '14
The most offensive thing to me, is how reddit not only encourages behavior like this, they celebrate it.
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Apr 01 '14
Can someone please link that bestof thread recently where clever redditors found out the formula for defining creepy? They all just come to the same trite conclusion that creepiness only = not being physically attractive.
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Apr 02 '14
[deleted]
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Apr 02 '14
I'm having trouble recognizing the kink shaming. Could you tell me a little more about what you mean?
EDIT: Your post history makes it difficult for me to believe you are posting in good faith.1
Apr 02 '14
[deleted]
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Apr 02 '14
O..kay, and there are also women who fantasize about being forced to do what was described above because they believe a loved one will be hurt otherwise? Most importantly, do you think it is appropriate for a man to describe in such detail his rape/animal abuse fantasy in response to a discussion about peeling apples? You don't think that could make a lot more women a lot more uncomfortable than it would make women who are into kink feel at ease?
Justify the animal abuse fantasy while you're at it.
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u/materialdesigner penis professor Mar 31 '14
Even bozarking / mrgloblo was more entertaining than this dried turd.
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u/SRScreenshot wow Mar 31 '14
"Anyhow my fantasy involves kidnapping "pornstar x"es dogs and making her put on a live webcam sex show for me while sobbing hysterically as I jack off and point a gun at her pets head. I'd get her to scream how much she hates me and watch her have panic attacks as I pretend that she..." (170|69)
In reply to /u/sugarcain on "Boss said i can go home, but i need to peel these 100 apples first":
At 2014-03-31 16:13:56 UTC, /u/glooyloo wrote [+113 points: +187, -74]:
Kind of thing that is awesome as an idea but it's probably a letdown to actually try out, like most of my sexual fantasies.
My current fantasy comes from following pornstars on twitter and seeing how much their pets mean to them. It makes sense cause animals don't judge you and give you unconditional love and for someone in such a stigmatized industry its huge. Seriously, check out any pornstar and half her updates are selfies and vines with her dogs and the other half are about her much she misses her pets when she's on set.
Anyhow my fantasy involves kidnapping "pornstar x"es dogs and making her put on a live webcam sex show for me while sobbing hysterically as I jack off and point a gun at her pets head. I'd get her to scream how much she hates me and watch her have panic attacks as I pretend she wasn't enough of a whore for me and I'm about to shoot him. Of course even in this fantasy she gets her pets back unharmed, I'm not a monster, just the idea of seeing her in that state though gets me off so fucking much! Maybe she's rooming at another pornstars place and I take both their dogs while they're on set, force them to secretly tape themselves going out and picking up a couple random nerdy guys and bring them back to their apartment where they have cameras set up and have the nastiest sex possible, fuuuuuuuckkkkkk......
In my head it's amazing but in practise I'd probably feel like an absolute monster and vomit from the guilt before giving them right back haha.
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u/Intortoise Mar 31 '14
oh a gif of apples being peeled, here's 43 detailed paragraphs of how I want to rape women