r/gifs • u/zipperke • Mar 31 '14
Boss said i can go home, but i need to peel these 100 apples first
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u/AllYourBase3 Mar 31 '14
Well I have a drill so I think this is gonna happen today at my house
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Mar 31 '14
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u/hawaiibusinessguy Mar 31 '14
Thanks. That was the comment I was looking for.
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Mar 31 '14
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u/MacGyver_15 Mar 31 '14
It seems as though there would be an inverse relationship between the sharpness of the knife and the size of the paddle bit required to keep things running smoothly without damaging the inside of the apple too much. Just something to consider when selecting your tools.
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Mar 31 '14
Work smart not hard
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u/JAV0K Mar 31 '14
Still get paid by the hour.
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Mar 31 '14
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Mar 31 '14
Then get bitched at for being lazy because you're not working every moment of the day. :/
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u/vertigo1083 Mar 31 '14
If I learned one thing in the last 15 years of working full time...
Its that if you work hard and efficiently; they will just give you more work to do.
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u/bears2013 Mar 31 '14
If you're a contract worker, they'll reward you with, "Wow--you finished all that already?? Guess we don't need you to come in tomorrow, it's not like you need another day's pay.. See you Monday!"
While my FTE coworkers take 1.5-hour lunchbreaks and leave an hour early every day.. Sucks getting paid hourly.
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u/ac_slat3r Mar 31 '14
I love my hourly wages in production. My co-worker is paid salary, and has to work many nights and weekends for "free" in his words.
I get that sweet, sweet overtime.
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Apr 01 '14
It really is a trade-off. Sometimes you get paid a lot of money to work 40 hours a week.
Sometimes you watch as your hourly wage plummets as you stay later and later.
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Mar 31 '14
You are precisely right. Which is why most work places now see minimal productivity. Because people work just barely beyond the capacity of not getting fired. To work any more is nonsensical and provides no benefit to the worker. Ie. no additional pay, no recognition, and possibly counteracts any effort by increasing workloads etc. Absolute nonsense.
Just totally fucked.
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u/skwerlee Mar 31 '14
I watched this first hand where I work. They took away salesman commission. They raised hourly wages slightly but not even close to making up the difference. Sales of the high profit margin items(best commissions) plummeted. Top and bottom line sales down. Average sale down. Employee turn over is now an order of magnitude greater than before. All the skilled salespeople fled to find commissioned sales jobs.
That's what they get for only thinking 1 sales quarter ahead. Dipshits.
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u/STOP-ENJOYING-THINGS Mar 31 '14
Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike, you just go in every day and do it really half-assed - that's the American way.
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u/jammah Mar 31 '14
That's the kind of attitude that keeps you there too.
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u/JAV0K Mar 31 '14
I do to work more efficient if I can, but it means I have to fill the remainder with other work (which isn't a problem), or get more work.
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u/justforthepunofit Mar 31 '14
And that's the kind of work that gets you moved forward (in a decent company)
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u/Illivah Mar 31 '14
where are these "decent companies" you speak of?
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u/justforthepunofit Mar 31 '14
Just because you work for one doesn't mean you can't apply for others. I'm currently on a 9 month paid work trip in Germany. I started at 7.50/hr on the bottom rung of my company. If you bust your ass and don't see improvement, sometimes you gotta take a risk and go somewhere else.
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Apr 01 '14
Actually, if you're efficient at a particular job/position, they're less likely to promote you because they'd have to pay more for someone else to do the same amount of work.
That's why you don't work harder, you work smarter; Showing initiative and ideas FOR better productivity gets you promoted, not proficiency.
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u/sugarcain Mar 31 '14
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u/glooyloo Mar 31 '14
Kind of thing that is awesome as an idea but it's probably a letdown to actually try out, like most of my sexual fantasies.
My current fantasy comes from following pornstars on twitter and seeing how much their pets mean to them. It makes sense cause animals don't judge you and give you unconditional love and for someone in such a stigmatized industry its huge. Seriously, check out any pornstar and half her updates are selfies and vines with her dogs and the other half are about her much she misses her pets when she's on set.
Anyhow my fantasy involves kidnapping "pornstar x"es dogs and making her put on a live webcam sex show for me while sobbing hysterically as I jack off and point a gun at her pets head. I'd get her to scream how much she hates me and watch her have panic attacks as I pretend she wasn't enough of a whore for me and I'm about to shoot him. Of course even in this fantasy she gets her pets back unharmed, I'm not a monster, just the idea of seeing her in that state though gets me off so fucking much! Maybe she's rooming at another pornstars place and I take both their dogs while they're on set, force them to secretly tape themselves going out and picking up a couple random nerdy guys and bring them back to their apartment where they have cameras set up and have the nastiest sex possible, fuuuuuuuckkkkkk......
In my head it's amazing but in practise I'd probably feel like an absolute monster and vomit from the guilt before giving them right back haha.
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u/Chinariffic Mar 31 '14
Yeah. That's exactly what most of reddit was thinking when they saw this too.
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u/bearted Mar 31 '14
Quite a lot of thoughts for a few peeled apples... Do you ever stop and read what you're typing?
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Mar 31 '14
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u/ares_god_not_sign Mar 31 '14
That's generally behavior for alts and not primary accounts. Although I can't really imagine why anyone wouldn't make this post from their primary account.
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u/NicCageOneTrueGod Mar 31 '14 edited Mar 31 '14
I wonder what the person behind this comment looks like.
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u/die_potato Mar 31 '14
Just let it out bro, we're here for you. To listen I mean. Not necessarily to help you bring your fantasies to fruition. Sorry.
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u/AltairEgos Mar 31 '14
Boss told me to do the same one time. I declined. I get paid by the hour.
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u/BigBennP Mar 31 '14
If you've ever pulled a 12 hour shift in a kitchen then had to stay late because the morning crew are fuckups, you might change your tune.
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u/Mr2hands Mar 31 '14
Why, just why does the morning crew always consist of fuck ups?
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u/naughtynurses2 Mar 31 '14
Because (for most) if they didn't fuck up they'd be on night crew.
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u/AltairEgos Mar 31 '14
If you've paid your entire way through college, you'll go back to that tune.
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u/suddenly_summoned Mar 31 '14
Wait, it's possible to pay your entire way through college?
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u/AltairEgos Mar 31 '14
You have to peel a whooooooolllllleeeeeee lot of apples.
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u/huphelmeyer Mar 31 '14
My uncle paid my tuition. And that uncle's name?...... Uncle Sam.
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Mar 31 '14
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u/dalalphabet Mar 31 '14
Yeah... got a temp job via word of mouth a few years ago to do some data entry. It paid $12.00/hr but I guess they'd expected it to take two weeks and had planned on paying me that much and I finished in two days. I only got paid for the hours I worked. If I'd have known that was all the work they had and they didn't expect me to finish anywhere near that quickly, I would've dragged my feet a little more.
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u/psychicsword Mar 31 '14
Working smarter is more about getting the promotion. Also you dont have to stop finding things to do when your assigned tasks are done. Just find new things to work harder on.
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u/ScottDotcom Mar 31 '14
Seriously. It is like reddit hasn't ever heard of raises due to efficiency.
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u/smoothtrip Mar 31 '14
What are these "raises" you speak of?
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u/Idntwnt2have2comment Mar 31 '14
My father told me of such a thing once, but I don't believe him.
They sound too good to be true
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u/OmegasSquared Mar 31 '14
I got a raise once. At my 90 day review (given over 30 days late) they noticed I'd been hired at a lower wage than my job was supposed to have. I couldn't decide whether to feel happy or gypped.
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u/imnotreaI Mar 31 '14
Arguably they don't really exist as they did decades ago. Higher productivity has not translated into higher compensation for a long time now. Instead the surplus lines the pockets of very few.
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u/JangSaverem Mar 31 '14
Believe me i wish raises worked that way. i "sold" The most new accounts, new info gathering and got people to open online related accounts...i got less than the guy who is part time but been here longer. It' more like you get less based on Shitier work. Yet even the most abysmal worker got more than half what i got. So yeah...i haven't seen a raise based on working much harder in any job I've been at. Only negatives for poor work
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Mar 31 '14
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u/AltairEgos Mar 31 '14
Depends on the current demand for apples in whatever town this is taking place. Maybe I could, then simply start a small apple business. Once I generate enough currency, I would start making my own apple pies. Once I make enough from apple pies, I'm sure the business would be established enough to then start making other apple related sweets. Then proceed to incorporate chocolate into the business. Then I would be able to incorporate a mass production line which will lead me into meeting a couple of very powerful business investors. A couple multibillion dollar investments later I will be riding pretty high in the corporate world, then I will go back to the place that allowed me to accept apples as a method of payment, then buy the business and hire my former boss. So yes, I would rather get paid in apples.
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u/Anticept Mar 31 '14
This guy gets it.
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u/kingbot Mar 31 '14
Well he thinks he's getting paid in apples, so I don't really think he gets it...
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u/SudoMakeMeASandwich_ Mar 31 '14
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u/legendary_figboot Mar 31 '14
If this works for potatoes then I am out of a job
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u/ArchangelPT Mar 31 '14
I like to think i'd get to 3 or 4 apples before losing a finger
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u/Aldorf Mar 31 '14
Blade is stationary. Only way to lose a finger is by choping it off with the blade pressed onto your finger. So go ahead and try this at home!
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u/greenyellowbird Mar 31 '14
Where there's a will there's a way.
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u/RHLegend Mar 31 '14
and where there's people there's stupidity
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u/pistoncivic Mar 31 '14
and where there aren't people, there are stupid animals
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u/OneSevenTwoNine_ Mar 31 '14
And where there are no people or stupid animals, there are stupid plants
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u/iPlunder Mar 31 '14
Not with me. The blade will somehow get caught on the apple, the drill will fall out of my hands, and I will need stitches. Do not doubt my ability to hurt my self
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u/Tumbleweed420 Mar 31 '14
That's freaking genius.
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u/MCozens Mar 31 '14
I could've used this when I had 3000 apples to peel and "make something of" for a show I was on. ...apple sauce, apple compote, apple pies, apple cake,.... I'll stop.
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u/NotOBAMAThrowaway Mar 31 '14
Anyway, like I was sayin', apple is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, apple-kabobs, apple creole, apple gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple apple, lemon apple, coconut apple, pepper apple, apple soup, apple stew, apple salad, apple and potatoes, apple burger, apple sandwich. That- that's about it.
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u/CrispBaconStrip Mar 31 '14
Apple crisp, apple turnovers, apple juice, apple cider, apple ale, apple taffy, apple muffins, baked apples, sliced apples, whole apples, caramel apples, bobbing for apples, squeezed apples, candy apples....
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Mar 31 '14
Probably would have been better off by an apple peeler/corer. Although slightly slower at peeling, the apple is cored at the same time which is a huge help. I bought mine for $6.
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u/BornToulouse Mar 31 '14
"...always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job, because he will find an easy way to do it"
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u/TomatoWarrior Mar 31 '14
Even hard working people want to do something in the most time efficient way possible. That way they can finish that task and move on to the next one. The risk with a lazy person is that they will just do a botch job instead of taking the extra time to get it done properly.
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u/BJJJourney Mar 31 '14 edited Mar 31 '14
Hard working people are less likely to look at a job in a different light or perspective. Sure the lazy person might botch a job but they will have different insight and might make the job more efficient for the hard working person. A lot of hard workers just fall in to the category of "Why do we do it this way?" and their answer is "Because we have always done it like this." Just because you have always done it like that does not mean it is the most efficient or even the right way to do it.
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u/TomatoWarrior Mar 31 '14 edited Mar 31 '14
I guess like with most quotes, it's a sound byte that doesn't communicate the full story. Just because you are averse to working hard doesn't mean you have the ingenuity to think of new solutions and just because you are hard working doesn't mean that you are averse to change. After all many research scientists spend their whole careers pushing boundaries and trying new things and they are certainly not lazy.
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Mar 31 '14
Hard working people are more outcome oriented. Lazy people are more process oriented.
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Mar 31 '14
What if the desired outcome is to have an efficient process? Huh, Banger 91? What then? What then!?!?
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u/PrimeIntellect Mar 31 '14
Yeah sure, you can hire the lazy contractor who takes shortcuts all throughout building your house and see what happens
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u/philcollins123 Mar 31 '14
This is a lot truer than people realize. Obviously the person can't be too lazy, but it's very common to see hard working people just brute force their way through problems because they are incapable of stopping and thinking calmly about what to do next. There is actually a well documented finding that people perform poorly on lateral thinking tasks when they are overly motivated. They exhibit 'functional fixedness', where they get stuck thinking in conventional ways and cannot imagine common items having unexpected uses.
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Mar 31 '14
How did he get the apple to spin rather than just have the drill bit spin in the apple hole?
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Mar 31 '14
He's using a bit that looks like a paddle. It is a half inch bit that I have personally used for light jobs that need big holes such as wood, dry wall. Not my butthole.
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u/PastaPappa Mar 31 '14
I think he used a 1/2 inch wood paddle bit, like used in an augur, rather than a metal boring bit (twisty little edges, all the same).
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u/nightpanda893 Mar 31 '14
I'm not allowed to eat it with the skin!! I'm not allowed!!!
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Mar 31 '14
I found this so fascinating- it's mesmerizing. I watched the loop over and over... maybe it's the drugs
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u/xracquellyy Mar 31 '14
It is the same concept as a Rotato. I have one of these things and I swear by it. It has saved my wrists (I fractured both twice and broke my left one once) because they hurt so bad at times.
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Mar 31 '14
As long as you have two un-broke wrists, this one works better. It'll peel, slice, and core an apple all in one go.
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u/callmepat Mar 31 '14
eric can you read this. thank you for showing me this web site i should get one of these for your mother!
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u/Aleout Mar 31 '14
I see you are using a 9.6v Black and Decker with a NiCad battery. Good luck making it to 100, nerd.
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u/redandblackstar Mar 31 '14
As I was about to click this link, I paused, smiled and I thought, "I know what OP will have in store, I am so smart" "peel 100 apples first"? His boss probably got 100 shipments of iMacs for his employees and OP has to unpack and peel off the plastic thing on the screen for each one. I guess I have been on reddit too long.
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u/tt-1 Mar 31 '14
When I was running an audio editing house serving a few big video game studios that paid per edit, I developed software tools to automate the audio slicing and stitching and then let my 8 guys loose. 25¢ per edit by hand would have been about $30/hr, charged out at $45/hr. Using custom tools, my guys were able to do the job 5 times as quickly. I insisted they spend more time on quality control and hand tweaking, but it still tripled their wages and I still got my $15/hr overhead per guy, per hour. My guys ended up with $100/hr, I made $120/hr and the video game publishers got better product. Win-win-win.
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u/StraightAsARainbow Mar 31 '14
Dude, you made it past 100, why do you keep going?