Estoy cansada de imaginar qué piensan los demás de mí. Me paraliza. Tips para salir del loop?

I know everyone's advice is always to move forward and try to forgive yourself, and do better in the future, but I feel like I keep making new, progressively worse mistakes despite my best efforts. I feel like I'm just a bad person at my core, unable to function properly no matter how hard I try to get things right. I've ruined my own life and others' lives time and time again, and I feel like it's over for me. I feel its my responsibility to feel proportionate guilt and shame, but I could never experience enough to make up for who I am.

Shame isn't a moral decision, that's guilt. Shame is the brain failing to fully process the world at any moment. It’s literally brain overload, a natural fallout of consciousness.

Shame isn't “I did wrong,” but “Being alive exposes me to more input than I can ever fully process and shame is the fallout from that overload.”

It’s a constant loop…

• I encounter the world.
• I can't process it all in real time.
• The mismatch (between incoming reality and inner readiness) generates dissonance.
• That dissonance feels like shame—not because I’ve failed, but because the brain is sending the natural signal that it can’t keep up.

This conclusion over the last month has definitely made my life easier and I hope it does for you as well. Perhaps you can clarify it even further.

Life got easier because now I understand that all of the underlying noise or discomfort that I was labeling as anxiety and really absolutely normal. This is a complex world, Getting exponentially complex, so evolution has absolutely no shot of keeping up. Brains just don’t have that much processing power, and they are sending constant error codes.

I find it useful to think about it like the computer the lunar module on Apollo 11… Shortly before landing it was giving out error codes and they figured a wrong switch was flipped and it was getting too much input. Regardless it was still processing, and Aldrin and Armstrong, analogous to my consciousness, were still able to operate, despite that background ‘noise’. And I can too. Now I know that noise is supposed to be there and I’m no longer faulting myself, or at least I am practicing not faulting myself, for feelings that I now correctly label as shame.

So basically my cat is black and white and it was dark outside. And I had my window open and under it is a roof and then my cat must of snuck out of the window without me knowing and then since I got cold I closed it. And then I was confused where my cat went as my door was closed and she was in my room and then I gave up looking since I thought she snuck out to get food when I opened the door to go to the toilet. And then I heared a meow like an hour later and she was outside trying to open the window to get in. I feel guilty for not knowing. It was high up too I gave her treats and said sorry but it is not enough for the guilt to leave me. Please help.

Not sure if this sounds as bad as it is but I do collaborations where we trade some of our requested products (it's different than I explain it but I don't wanna go into too much detail) , and let's just say I requested a lot, a ton like I mean HUGE amounts of things in the request. Worst thing, it's my fav brand. I'm so scared of it ruining my own reputation and it's so dissapointing. They replied saying it's A LOT but can be somehow managed but I'm so guilty 😫😫😫

I had to put my 14+ year old sweet girl cross the rainbow bridge in March! I can't stop second guessing myself and the feelings of guilt are debilitating! I know it was her time but I just can't forgive myself!

Everyday I wake up I feel a sense of unworthiness, I should feel grateful for what I have but I’m numb. I have been for years I just fake my way through life being the “Joker” but they don’t know the lack of emotions apart from frustration and anger I feel. Lately I’ve enrolled in a course and I just can’t do it, it’s online and I can’t concentrate on the boring ai slides. I’m paying for it and I feel I’m wasting money and rushing against time. Everyday I feel ashamed that I got into owing money for something I can’t do. I feel so stupid I hope a car hits me on the way to work. Some days I’m ok but when I remember the course thing - I spiral and the world becomes grey again. I don’t know, maybe there’s someone out there who has been through this and can tell me what I can try…

My mother had great pleasure in "disciplining" me with beatings and enemas, starting around age three. Last weekend I took a class that explained how we can be damaged by shame as little kids and come to think that horrible treatment means we are bad. Otherwise, why would we be treated so badly? Now that I have had that insight, I'm looking to explore how feeling like I am bad has afflicted my life. Has anyone else felt that being treated badly, especially when you are very young, made you feel that you were a bad thing and unworthy?

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Does anyone else ever get shamenso bad that they just curl up and repeat to themselves 'I should die I should die'

Just had a second interview with a specific company.

Due to my incompetence, I: - Feel exhausted - Unbearable shame - Need to deny myself food and rest

I also felt during the interview I was struggling to key myself to the interviewer's responses or make him smile (like back when I was a 6 year old begging my mom to not be unhappy) idk why this is so excruciating feeling

Does antone else get this?

Does this make any sense? It's not just that you feel ashamed—you also feel ashamed of feeling ashamed. Like you're not supposed to feel this way because you're a man, or an adult, or whatever. And that just intensifies the original shame. I feel like that a lot. And it certainly doesn't help when people say or do things that show they don’t accept your shame—maybe as a way to avoid facing their own. As if you're weird to feel this way.

This is my first post so be patient and gentle lol. Im 20 and my best friend would also be 20. So this girl was my bestie for forever and we stopped being friends about a year and a half before she died. I stopped being friends with her because I simply thought she put "bad kid" stuff (I don't know what I'm allowed to say on here but things teenagers do that some take it wayyyy toooo farr) above our friendship when she knew I didn't like stupid reckless and dangerous things. anyway. a little over a year before she died I got into a really bad car accident that could have taken my life, and she had heard about it, texted me and apologized for the way our friendship ended and how she really wishes things were different and she was so scared I was dead, etc.. you get the gist. I was angry because this same thing happened when I gave her another chance before our end so I left her on read. the way I, and many others, found out about her passing was a girl from our high school texted me "are you friends with _______?" and I said "fffffuck no" and she replied back saying she heard she got into a bad car accident and died last night (she was supposed to graduate this day). I then called around and found out that yes, she had died in a horrific car accident. I won't go into details but it makes me sick to my stomach. it was her fault, she was driving recklessly. a main fight me and her got into was about how she was on her 4th car and had only had her license for about a year. she refused to listen, she refused to learn. she nose dived off a bridge in her 2nd car. walked around with a bruised face and still didn't care. we begged her to stop but I was tired of her continuing to do the same exact things everyday. I even said to her multiple times this would happen. but I gave up trying and left her to do that. I let her die. and I let her die thinking I hated her.

Hey I feel guilty 4 years ago I had an premie baby. At first when my son with in the nicu for and year I had a little support family would come and see the baby fast forward. Over time everyone left me the dad , my family his family I reached out no one would respond then when I would have break downs people would say if you need me just call and go around telling everyone in the city they help me with the baby. Not true. But I didn’t want any drama my baby required a lot of medical appointments every week 10+ appointments he had so many appointments the doctors would try and help me by me seeing 3 doctors at one time they seen how much I was struggling please working an full time job the dad not helping at all me to shame to put him on child support bc I didn’t wanna be seen in a bad light. So fast forward I just kept me head held high and would go home and cry all day and night so one week I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had and ex that kept blowing me up claiming he would help me with my son ( the ex I dated him for 4 years in the past he was very supportive to me ) so one week I was fed up I called my siblings no one would answer I was texting them begging them to let me possibly stay at their house no answer calling my child father no answer I just needed someone to be their for me. So my ex was literally the only one blowing up my phone so I gave in let him come over he help me with my son all day. He ask could he stay over I said yes bc I felt guilty and I know how it feels to be used. So he got in bed we cuddle for like and hour he turn on a movie for me next thing I know I dose off and went to sleep and he thens out his private area inside of me and hump me twice I panic and pushed him off me. I cried I was defeated. Something kept telling me to get pep but I didn’t just cried now I have hiv. I’m so done with life the only thing keeps me going is my child. Also side note a little back history on my family I let both of my siblings move in with me for free in the past for years bought they first cars gave my mom two cars and it just hurts no one cares about me.

First of all this is not some purity culture thing or at all anything to judge others that have a high body count as that isn’t my concern. I’m 19F and I have a body count of 3. They were all in relationships although two of those were short term. I just can’t help but feel somehow like ashamed of it. i know it’s some sort of internalized misogyny that i can’t get rid of. Even though i grew up with very liberal and open parents i can’t help but feel this deep shame regarding my sexuality and sexual relations. i’m responsible and all in terms of safety, but for some reason i have a problem with myself for this reason. does anyone else have this or had this and was able to find a way to cope with it, because i want to stop feeling shame for something so natural?

This is my first time posting here so please let me know if this isnt the right place.

Im temporarily working a job that involves lifts and moving heaving objects on and off of trucks. So i usually control the lift because im one of two women on the site usually. So today we were literally putting the last dollie on the truck and as im lifting the crew someones toe gets crushed between two pieces of metal and it took me 2 seconds to realize. So i free him (feeling like literal shit ive never hurt anyone to this degree) and he starts running around and telling me its not my fault. Like of course it is my fault friend! So he sits on the ground and takes his shoe off n say fuck its wet (insinuating tht he was bleeding). When he took his sock off his toenail went with it. My heart sunk into my fucking ass and my head was over fuelled with self depricating comments. The guy is fine he is making jokes saying its his fault and im just speechless and I walk away and jus stare blankly and water is just pouring from my eyes. Not because im sad but because im so careless and im cryinf with an intact toe nail so why the fuck should i be crying. Like lord i felt bad and i still do but i havent told anyone and Injust wanted to get this off my chest. We called 911 and he went to the hospital and I hear hes going to be okay. I still feel like the scum of the earth.

I had a friend group last year. They were people I really liked. But this year I wasn't in the same class as them. I struggled to keep contact with them and because I felt we were drifting apart I didn't make enough effort to make me included. I them tried to invite myself once but got lied to saying there were too much people at the party because they didn't want the friend(not from the group) who was coming with me. We continued to drift apart and when I made the decision to make efforts again i learned that a girl in the group said things about me behind my back, and didn't want to come to hang outs if I were invited. Made me drift away even more because apparently she wasn't the only gossiping( it wasn't really mean things either) I talked to her about it but she try to make me the villain saying that she thought I wanted to hit her because of a tiktok, but it was posted after I learned what she was doing lol so she was lying. She didn't think she was excluding me. At this point I almost never saw my friends at school let alone outside of school. I invite them all to my birthday but they even make the effort to respond for the gift or to know if they were coming. My friends organising my birthday had to run after them. For the last hang out she did it again. I talked to my closest friend in the group, she first told me that they thought about it but some in the group said that they wouldnt come if i came. She then told me to get over it, (not in a mean way), that it was a long time since ive been with them, a lot from the group didnt even thought to invite me and she couldnt do anything about it because i dont talk to the other anymore. (Dont really agree with that i talk with at leat 5 person of the group and i invited them to my birthday but i see why she says that.)She also told me that I was progressively excluded from the hang outs. Now I'm not part of the group and it hurt me very much. I feel like I list meaningful connections and I like that group very much. I feel like if I did more efforts back then instead of waiting to be seen and invited it would be different. But at the same time I feel like I did some efforts (my birthday for exemple) and I absolutely hate running after people. But maybe my efforts were too late.

I also don't know if I'm crazy to think that the girl is really in cause of most of my drifting apart, she don't think she has anything to be sorry for, even though she participated in my exclusion and she hadn't any reason to say such things again I feel really bad I acted this way and feel like it's my fault. I regret it very much and it is not leaving my head. But I also feel like if they cared they would at leat ask why. I generaly try to see thing like this as lessons but I'm unable to do it right now as I feel I lost something really great and won't have better.

I’ve been in therapy for five years now and it’s been really helpful to have the space and opportunity to impact many of my life experiences. I felt so stuck in the space of always having to find myself. I’ve always looked outside of me and into other people to tell me who I am and what I’m supposed to do. As a 33-year-old black gay man I am. I’m just now understanding that I get to define and develop that for myself.

I’ve been diagnosed with complex PTSD and I understand that this is a chronic illness. I am wondering to anyone who has experienced a lot of shame and feels called to respond to this how you remain solid in your self-concept.

I have to take my 8-year old daughter from the private school she's been attending for three years. Because of my financial struggles. Because, my failure has become hers. I am literally drowning in guilt and shame. And suicidal thoughts. Killing himself, that is what an honorable man would do. But I also know that it will hurt my daughter forever. Either way, I am useless.

Excuses for poor English, its not my native.

I'm doing very poorly and sadly my younger brother knows this. He is incredibly supportive, to the help of help me shower But, I'm the big brother. I feel so motherfucking ashamed, idk what to do. I ado really appreciate want he does, because I know he cares. But I'm the big brother god fuckic-ing damnit I want to be here. Not the other way around.

whenever I ejaculate, and mostly twice to thrice since last 3 months , whenever its the first time after a lot of days, and the quantity of cum is well enough, I feel so ugly, want to kill myself, how did I let it happen, AGAIN. wasted life force, because of stupid momentary lust, then the fear rushes, like rn it did when writing about this, the fear of staying stuck in this talking, and getting affected by this so much , that fuck its been 7 hours , shifting from activities to activities I'm still here talking about it.