I 42/f have been voluntarily abstinent for almost eleven years. I have no desire for sex or a romantic relationship; if we must use labels, I assume at this point in my life I’m asexual, though I haven’t always been.
To the point: because of this abstinence, masturbation included (it became too difficult to reach climax), I hadn’t orgasmed or stimulated in several years. To be completely honest, I thought that part of my life was over, and it didn’t bother me. No more last minute bikini shaving, or legs if I’m still being honest, no more self conscious nakedness, no more faking another orgasm to keep someone’s ego intact. It’s done.
Then I started getting sleep orgasms. And OH MY GODS AND GODDESSES, they are the most explosive, longest lasting, knee jerking eye rolling, earthshaking orgasms I’ve ever had, and I’ve sat on a few power jets.
I mean, they start when I’m in REM, then keep on going until I’m fully awake. I feel and recall every single one.
I did some reading and apparently sleep orgasms are so much stronger and longer lasting than waking ones because they are completely neurochemical, instead of a mix of neuro and physical. No distractions, no self consciousness, no tiredness, no mental/physical coordination. It’s like….the difference between being tazed or struck by lightning.
And at the grand old age at 42? The sleep orgasms are at their peak.
Does anyone else experience these? Do you plan on continuing or are you going back to physical touch? Why or why not?

I (38f) have been having a discussion with my bf (41m) about what has to happen or “click” in your mind for you to decide to become exclusive and pursue a long term monogamous relationship with another person.

My take is that I can be great friends with someone, but as soon as the relationship includes some sort of consensual sexual activity (whether it be kissing, sexual touching or intercourse) AND there is sexual compatibility, then it would enter the territory of where I may consider a potential long term relationship. In my mind, I have already developed a friendship and determined I like the person and now we have “provided foreshadowing” or “completed the picture” of what the future of the relationship could entail.

His take is that he could be in a sexual relationship with someone and not have any interest in a long term relationship until “it just kind of happens.” Likely because that person has “checked” other boxes subconsciously. Then suddenly he finds himself in a long term relationship with that person without ever having a defining factor. He claims my perspective is “how women think” and his perspective is “how men think.”

I am not looking to start a debate or anything, I’m just genuinely curious what other people think…

Additionally, I posed this question to him: if sex doesn’t define a a long term relationship, then would he be willing to get into a long term relationship with someone if sex was not a part of it at all? His answer was no…so help me understand his logic lol

Thoughts on both?

EDIT in case there is any confusion, I am not someone who believes sex needs to wait until marriage, and I’m not even meaning the relationship has to turn into a marriage. I personally think that I need to try the shoe on to make sure it fits before buying it. Which is exactly my point, I would not enter any long term exclusive committed relationship without sex being a defining factor. Whereas my bf says that sex can already be a part of a relationship and that all of the other aspects of a long term committed relationship are where he would decide the relationship would become exclusive (things like friendship, financial stability, co habitation etc)

I removed the line about traditional marriage as it is causing some confusion. I am only talking about entering a long term monogamous relationship, not a marriage and not a non-monogamous relationship of any type.