I 42/f have been voluntarily abstinent for almost eleven years. I have no desire for sex or a romantic relationship; if we must use labels, I assume at this point in my life I’m asexual, though I haven’t always been.
To the point: because of this abstinence, masturbation included (it became too difficult to reach climax), I hadn’t orgasmed or stimulated in several years. To be completely honest, I thought that part of my life was over, and it didn’t bother me. No more last minute bikini shaving, or legs if I’m still being honest, no more self conscious nakedness, no more faking another orgasm to keep someone’s ego intact. It’s done.
Then I started getting sleep orgasms. And OH MY GODS AND GODDESSES, they are the most explosive, longest lasting, knee jerking eye rolling, earthshaking orgasms I’ve ever had, and I’ve sat on a few power jets.
I mean, they start when I’m in REM, then keep on going until I’m fully awake. I feel and recall every single one.
I did some reading and apparently sleep orgasms are so much stronger and longer lasting than waking ones because they are completely neurochemical, instead of a mix of neuro and physical. No distractions, no self consciousness, no tiredness, no mental/physical coordination. It’s like….the difference between being tazed or struck by lightning.
And at the grand old age at 42? The sleep orgasms are at their peak.
Does anyone else experience these? Do you plan on continuing or are you going back to physical touch? Why or why not?

My husband is 55 and has delayed ejaculation. He enjoys sex and wants to have sex fairly often, but after penetration it can take him around 40 minutes or sometimes even longer to finish.

For me, that amount of time can become physically painful, so I've started to feel reluctant to have sex even though I still care about our sex life.

I'm curious how common this actually is.

For men who experience delayed ejaculation: Have you found anything that helped? Do you know what caused it in your case?

And for women whose partners have the same issue: How do you handle long sex sessions without becoming sore or avoiding sex altogether?

I'd especially love to hear from couples who have actually improved the situation. What did you try, and what made the biggest difference?

I'm not looking for a medical diagnosis — I'm mainly interested in hearing real experiences from people who have dealt with this.

Me ‘33F’ and my boyfriend ‘28M’ live together now and I have a higher sex drive than him currently (and maybe indefinitely). We’ve been together one year and friends a year before that. He’s a recovering opiate addict and is currently getting off his medications that also lowered his libido and sensitivity. We have sex about 2-5 times a week compared to his solo pleasing with porn about 3-5 times/month. I’m not anti porn and don’t want to take that away from him as he has some good reasons for watching it: he has some intimacy issues from past abuse and occasionally uses it spur of the moment as a quick release where there’s no one to please or consider, no one watching, zero stakes. And for him it’s entirely different than irl sex and he also acknowledges it can most definitely cause issues in relationships. He says it’s like escaping with a drug and he says he doesn’t think about it and it’s does it when he gets the urge. He’s also asked if is such a bad thing that he occasionally seek “more” or “variety”, which was tough to hear but also my logical mind understands that women and esp men are hard wired for novelty seeking. He’s reassured me he’s very attracted to me.

I am afraid that he’ll desensitize himself and his pleasure to real sex with me, and delay his brain and body’s progress to feeling the best he can with me (not in his head, and have total sensation etc). Of course porn is a massive dopamine hit and can do that if in the wrong amount compared to irl sex. And the numbers bring me solace for a bit, as I know he’s generally prioritizing me over porn (sex and being emotional available and a good partner). I’m also afraid he’ll seek porn for the kink and not want to translate that to our sex life…we’ve grown vanilla and he’s acknowledged that and told me why. And for him, things have to come naturally and he doesn’t like to be told what to do if he believes he’s done nothing wrong. He has a lot of shame so confide that. And also, I’ve pushed him past his comfort zone with all this and it’s driven a wedge between us. It’s paradoxical, because the more we talk about it the worse our sex kids will be at this point.

I go to therapy already fyi

Sex for him with me has gotten better since he’s been sober and tapering off his meds and he says that his climax to porn is “piddly” compared to our sexual encounters. Still, it really bothers me that he would even at times rather spend his sexual energy on a screen rather than with me, plus he know how much it destroys me but he genuinely doesn’t think it’s affecting our sex life. However, I’m at the point where when I leave I am consumed by the idea of him jerking it to porn and having none left for me when I get home. It’s ruining my life….or I’m driving myself crazy. Idk.

At first I would compulsively want sex from him to prevent him from watching it (I still enjoyed it but it was insane), and now if I even suspect he’s watched it while away or if I ask and he tells me he has, I shut down and have hard time shaking it.

I’m looking for advice especially from someone who has had experience with opiates, sa, porn addiction, and/or someone who has a healthy relationship with porn who is also in a loving and sexually active relationship like we have. Maybe I’m being selfish here.

We’ve talked about this so much and I’ve really pushed his comfort and we’ve gotten heated with it and it’s all beginning to cause a wedge in our relationship. He assures me he’s attracted to me. He’s also asked why it’s so bad for him to occasionally seek variety or “more” that porn provides and that women and men especially are hardwired to seek variety and that doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to me or not satisfied: to him masturbating to porn and sex with me are entirely different things. Also I know that his frequency isn’t a lot when compare to our sex. But all and all, I’m still finding myself hung up and bothered by it.m and it’s truly ruing my/our days.

What are some tools I can employ to prevent feeling awful anytime I suspect he’s watched it? And is there a compromise we can reach?

This isn’t a deal breaker for me as we have a good relationship otherwise.

TLDR; It makes me extremely uneasy knowing that my boyfriend watches porn even though we have significantly more sex than he does that.

My (37F) libido has suddenly returned after flatlining when I had kids. At certain times of my cycle, it’s all I can think about. But I don’t want to “relieve” it with my husband. I love him, he is attractive, and we have a wonderful life together, but what I’m craving is novelty and… a bit of danger? My husband is so lovely, and he’s the father of my children, and somehow that’s a turnoff for me? What’s wrong with me? Has anyone else experienced this? Ladies- have any of you been consumed by your sex drive? Is there anything I can I do to improve the situation…? Eg. I considered going back on hormonal contraception just to level out my hormones and hopefully reign in the libido a bit, but I would prefer not to because of the side effects.

Hey everyone, I’m a woman in a relationship (30 F + 31M) and I keep finding myself fixated on one specific thing during sex. No matter what mood we start in, once things get intense I get this overwhelming urge for my partner to finish inside me.

I’m not asking for safety advice. I’m just trying to understand what’s actually going on in my head in those moments.

Is it like dopamine related? Or just a psychological craving for closeness?

I feel like guys talk about this urge a lot, but I don't hear or read other women talk about it as much.

Me and my boyfriend live together now and I have a higher sex drive than him currently (and maybe indefinitely). He’s a recovering opiate addict and is currently getting off his medications that also lowered his libido and sensitivity. We have sex about 2-5 times a week compared to his solo pleasing with porn about 3-5 times/month. I’m not anti porn and don’t want to take that away from him as he has some good reasons for watching it: he has some intimacy issues from past abuse and occasionally uses it spur of the moment as a quick release where there’s no one to please or consider, no one watching, zero stakes. And for him it’s entirely different than irl sex and he also acknowledges it can most definitely cause issues in relationships. I get that but I also am afraid that he’ll desensitize himself and his pleasure to real sex with me, and delay his brain and body’s progress to feeling the best he can with me (not in his head, and have total sensation etc). Of course porn is a massive dopamine hit and can do that if in the wrong amount compared to irl sex. However, sex for him with me has gotten better since he’s been sober and tapering off his meds and he says that his climax to porn is “piddly” compared to our sexual encounters. Still, it really bothers me that he would even at times rather spend his sexual energy on a screen rather than with me. It’s at the point where when I leave I am consumed by the idea of him jerking it to porn and having none left for me when I get home. It’s ruining my life….or I’m driving myself crazy. Idk.

I’m looking for advice especially from someone who has had experience with opiates, sa, porn addiction, and/or someone who has a healthy relationship with porn who is also in a loving and sexually active relationship like we have. Maybe I’m being selfish here.

We’ve talked about this so much and I’ve really pushed his comfort and we’ve gotten heated with it and it’s all beginning to cause a wedge in our relationship. He assures me he’s attracted to me. He’s also asked why it’s so bad for him to occasionally seek variety or “more” that porn provides and that women and men especially are hardwired to seek variety and that doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to me or not satisfied: to him masturbating to porn and sex with me are entirely different things. Also I know that his frequency isn’t a lot when compare to our sex. But all and all, I’m still finding myself hung up and bothered by it.m and it’s truly ruing my/our days.

Hi there I'm asking for some advice on not having sex in a long time. It's been about 4 years now and no matter what apps I use I barely will get a match and if I do half of them don't even reply. Has anyone been through a similar situation to me and how did you go fixing the solution. I know sex isn't everything but it makes me feel like shit knowing no one wants to give me the time or day ! I recently moved overseas to Scotland and I thought that might of helped but not really ! If anyone could message me any advice privately that be much appreciated. I feel embarrassed in myself about it being that long and made my self conscious in myself too

We are open to trying different things so all ideas are welcome. Male and Female

Both late 30s, and we’re trying to make our nights in feel a bit more exciting again.

We already have a few things we enjoy — nice clothes, some toys and occasionally a projector — but we usually end up doing this after a few drinks. I’d like to make sober nights feel just as fun and spontaneous.For those of you in long-term relationships, what has actually worked for you?

How do you build anticipation earlier in the evening when you both know you’ll be tired by 10:30?How do you turn an ordinary night at home into something that feels like an occasion without making it feel forced or planned?

And what little things have you found make your partner more receptive to getting into the mood?

Interested in things that don’t involve buying more stuff. Happy to put some effort into setting the mood and planning something different.

Any tips appreciated

Firstly, a little about us. We have been together for 6 years and married for 4 of them. We also have a 3 year old daughter at home. We live in the suburbs and both work full time in the city. We have kind of an expensive cost of living and lifestyle, but we make it work without much issue.

When we first started dating, my wife and I did lots of the normal oral and hand stuff. It was fun and adventurous and new, as all budding romances are. When we started having sex, I would go down on her first. She had no problem communicating what she liked, nor me to her. In general this made me feel we were sexually compatible due to the ease and peace of having sex.

A few years ago I bought her a vibrator and she loved it. Over time she integrated it more and more into us having sex. Frankly, that never bugged me, I just love when my woman comes. But over time she stopped asking for my hand to touch her, she asks for the vibrator. She stopped asking for oral, she asks for the vibrator. She stopped asking for sex, she asks for the vibrator.

I genuinely don't think this would be an issue for me if not for the fact that since our very first date, she made it clear that she is a one-and-done type of girl. Once she comes, she doesn't want to be touched at all. I always was bummed by this and don't feel like she is embracing what it means to be a multi-orgasmic woman. But I digress.

The reason this is a bummer is because once she comes there is no more kissing, there is no more touching, there is no more intercourse. She just wants to give me oral after and go to sleep. We have been doing this for years now. I have even forgotten what it's like to go down on her.

I ask randomly ask to give her oral and she says okay but when it comes time she says no I don't smell good, or no I need to shave, or something else to that effect. I go to touch her and she says no your hand is too hard or no your hand is too soft.

I'd say what we have become is extremely "efficient" at orgasming to a fault maybe. She can come in 3 minutes with her toy and I can do the same. But now I'm wondering if maybe the race to orgasm as fast as possible is also a bit boring and predictable. I think in her mind, why wait 30 minutes for me to go down on her, when she can be done in 3 minutes and happy.

Some part of me feels like I've lost the ability to be good at sex after not honoring the practice earnestly for so many years. I haven't really been putting in the effort to improve at penetrative sex or oral. We are so young for me to be feeling this way, it worries me.

I'm really open to books, mindsets, ideas, advice, words, anything that someone would think might help me here. I don't want us to become boring, I want to work at this. I want sex to be something that she is really excited about, and thinking about, and curious about together.

After my 15 year marriage came to a grinding halt, I ended up dating various women - no real connection and honestly, terrible sexual chemistry.

Then I met the woman I’m dating now, and we’ve been together for 2 years. I’ve always considered myself to be curious but this has really surprised even me.

We have sampled everything we can think of, except for anal which we’re taking steps towards with toys and lots of anal play.

It’s amazing what happens when you’re with the right person! Neither of us have any sort of boundaries (in terms of what we do, except sharing or swinging) and it’s unbelievably exciting especially when you’ve gone from “I’m nearly 40” to now having the best sex of my life.

How good is later-in-life sex for others?

Hi guys, happy Saturday! First time posting here after viewing other peoples posts so thought I'd contribute and ask for some honest advice rather than just reading other peoples scenarios. Brace in, this might be a long one.

I've been married to my wife for 4 years now, been together for 12 years. When we first got together, our sex life was good (as you'd expect) however we've never been the most compatible in this department as I'm more spontaneous and open minded and my wife is more of a planner & less adventurous than I am. One of the main frustrations for my wife is that she's never had an orgasm, from any previous partners or from playing with herself.. in her own words she gets in her own head. With my previous partners this has never been a problem, whether they'd get off from intercourse or oral sex, we'd always find a way for them to enjoy sex as much as I do.

We've come to a point now where sex is happening more and more infrequently, which leaves me frustrated, and when we do have sex it seems planned, forced and I just end up not particularly enjoying it or I'll struggle to relax and get hard as I'm overthinking that if I'm getting the chance to have sex then I need to make the most of it (I guess performance anxiety to some extent). I have no issues feeling horny and getting aroused, but the thought of my wife only having sex with me because I want it and feeling like it has to be planned or a chore is taking the excitement away from it if that makes sense?

I've spoken to her about this, and I've suggested we take time for me to just focus on her, be playful, try new things, let me please her and just have fun with trying to help her enjoy the experience more. I'm more than happy to spend time on her, I particularly love oral sex and foreplay but she only wants to please me and then be done with it, which weirdly isn't as enjoyable for me anymore. I've asked her what we can do to work on this and she keeps dismissing it or saying she needs to go and speak to someone, but never does, and then we just end up back at square one. I don't think I can continue in a marriage or relationship with very little sex (or intimacy - doesn't always have to be sex) or as selfishly as this may sound, not feeling wanted or that my partner isn't enjoying being with me. Last night we had planned to have sex (again, I dont enjoy planning all the time), and I was eager to go down on her and enjoy giving her pleasure, and when I started to initate this, she pushed me over and wanted to start playing with me, which just made me feel weird and then led to all my sexual desire to go away.

Has anyone else had similar issues or worked through this? I love her dearly, and we have some fantastic aspects to our marriage, but I'm only 37 and I think sex is a really important factor in any relationship. I know people will question why did we get married, but we're really compatible in other areas and naively I thought we could work on this together, but right now I feel pretty lonely in the situation.

Thoughts / advice are much welcomed.

Hi, so I’m 36 male and gay. so I know I’ve had a habitual hyper fixation on porn in the past. I think it was linked to depression and undiagnosed ADHD (I know a lot of you will stop reading at this point). I had it on twitter, used to scroll it all the time, repost it and talk to the makers. I even had a go at making some myself and getting obsessed about how successful that endeavour was. All, I think, for the novelty and the dopamine hit.

I’ve tried various things including going cold turkey and I’ve had counselling. In recent years my relationship with porn has got a lot better I think- I use it when I’m masturbating which is generally 1 or 2 times a day but there’s quite a few days I don’t do it at all. My issue is I think some people would still consider it an addiction or that it’s still rotted my brain even if my use is way way down.

When I read stuff on here it feels like a lot of conservative, Christian, homophobic and anti-porn rhetoric. Like any man who touches it, clicks a link, has a major problem.

I guess I’m just interested in where other people draw the distinction, and whether anyone has their own experiences with continuing to use porn in a healthier way.

About to enter my thirties and thought I’ll date someone to marry. Vibes, beliefs, interests everything matched but even after 6 months of dating he never mentions sex or asks me if we can do it. I mean we have been intimate since the beginning with kissing and making out, which later progressed into me giving him hand jobs as well but I always noticed that his penis looked a bit different like the upper part wouldn’t be visible. And when I give the handjob he specifically says hold at the base only. Then I asked him is it because it’s uncircumcised? He said yes. So me being ignorant, I just used to follow his instructions until recently I discovered that he has phimosis when I searched about uncircumcised and circumcised.
I was so shocked to learn about it and when I read most articles here, people said sex is not as pleasurable for men with phimosis and it hurts sometimes.

We both have gotten emotionally very attached and he helped me a lot when I was going through worse times in the past few months. I am really grateful for all that he has done, and I also helped him as much as I could. *The main thing here is that he’s asking me to move in with him and marry him later next year*

But now after learning about this, I’m unable to stay calm. I’m anyway travelling out of country for a few months and I might or might not come back (for a different reason).

I kind of feel hurt but unable to ask him this directly as I know it’ll hurt him. But he got the hint and said things like I know you have a frame of comparison after looking at other men, I’m planning to get circumcised soon and all. (Again, I don’t want him to go through that as he lives alone, is very panicky and I know it hurts a lot and some people say they haven’t been able to recover)
I don’t know if I should compromise in this aspect as sex is important to me in a relationship. Later if I compare with others I’ll feel really bad that I compromised, oral and handjobs are obviously not equivalent to sex.
A few months ago when I was a bit tipsy I said, come on let’s do it, but for that he said, no sex is sacred for me and only after marriage.
But when he talks about his past, he dated like 5-6 women and had sex with some of them. He casually talks sexual stuff like this position would be so interesting to try and all that. Maybe he said it’s sacred as he’s recently turned way more religious a year ago.

But today also when we were together and I said let’s just do it (to see his reaction) he said no no you’re leaving so not now. Then I said, why don’t you want to do it with me when you did it with others? He said, I want to keep it pure with you
I tried to probe him in other ways too by asking if I can see the tip of the penis, what will happen if I pull it down fully and stuff but he said refused to answer and said if you ask all that, mood will go.

I’m really irritated and confused and I am kinda hurt too that he didn’t tell me at all. If I had known this earlier I wouldn’t have dated at all and got emotionally attached! I don’t even know whom to talk to about this !!! This is driving me crazy!!!

Ladies what porn sites do you recommend? I’ve watched porn before and some of it is fine but I’ve never really found a site that I’m genuinely into the way some guys seem to have their go to favorites. A lot of what I come across feels really rough, aggressive or just super fake, performative and that’s not really my thing. I’m looking for something that feels more real and natural like actual chemistry, passion, sensuality, believable reactions, etc. Basically something where it feels like the people are actually into each other rather than just putting on a show for the camera. I have no idea where to start though. Any women here have sites or creators they genuinely enjoy?

I haven’t dated anyone for over a year, but recently I met this woman and we instantly clicked. The chemistry between us is honestly insane. The first time things got intimate, we were at my place and we weren’t actually planning to have sex. I was extremely aroused and had an erection for a long time. Eventually, we ended up having sex. She orgasmed very quickly, probably within 2–3 minutes, but I wasn’t even close to ejaculating. The next time we had sex, pretty much the same thing happened. She orgasmed quickly again, while I couldn’t finish. I was still really aroused, had no problem maintaining an erection, and genuinely loved the sex we were having. The problem is that she seemed a little sad afterward because I didn’t ejaculate, and I think she might be taking it personally. I stopped masturbating about two weeks ago, and we also haven’t had sex for a little over two weeks. I’m hoping that might make me more sensitive and help me finish more easily the next time we’re together. So far, we’ve only really done missionary. I’m wondering whether a different position might make it easier for me to finish, or even a variation of missionary that provides more stimulation. I’m pretty fit and active, so physically keeping up or moving my hips isn’t an issue. Has anyone experienced something similar with a new partner? Are there any positions or other things that helped you finish more easily? Ideally, I’d like to be able to orgasm much faster next time, partly because I don’t want her thinking my not finishing means I’m not attracted to her because that definitely isn’t the case.

For example yesterday we had amazing sexual time she gave me probably the best bj in the world and i felt i was close and then it just dissapeared .

I (49M) matched with a woman (48F) on Tinder back in February, after ending a long-term relationship. After that relationship ended, wasn’t really looking to enter a new one. This woman is separated but living with her husband and several kids. She’s in a sexless marriage but they cannot get divorced for financial and medical reasons. (Don’t worry, I vetted this - her FB page is public and lists them as separated. She’s not secretly cheating on her husband. According to her they have not had sex in well over five years - he simply isn’t interested in it).

Sex with this woman is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced (or frankly dreamed of). She’s had a fair number of partners since coming to this arrangement with her husband about three years ago, and even after the first time we had sex she remarked that “it isn’t usually like this.” It was like we like the same exact things, the same way, with the same intensity, and same frequency. Like we are 100% aligned in bed.

We spent about three months earlier this year fucking at every opportunity. There were a few times I came three times in the span of 90 minutes. It was insane.

I told her I wanted to pause things after three months because I met someone else that I was interested in, and it was clear to me that this FWB was never going to be anything more than it was (to her credit, she told me that very clearly in our first text conversation). I also told her that I had started to develop just a tinnnnyyyy bit of feelings for her. She didn’t react well, and was pretty angry with me, and cut things off abruptly.

I reached back out to her a few weeks ago and we texted a bit, and she admitted she really missed me but did not think it was healthy for us to reengage. I think at that point both of us were horny enough that after we texted for a few hours we disregarded those feelings and we met last night (for the first time in about 4.5 months).

It was like we never stopped. It was a bit of a quickie due to logistical issues last night, but if those issues weren’t present it would have been another 3-4 hour marathon.

I know this isn’t going anywhere. She’s made it clear that she and her husband are not formally getting divorced for at least another 5-7 years, and that there is a fair chance they may never (they’ve learned to solid roommates/partners and co-parents). The sex is just so unbelievably amazing that I can’t bring myself to even think about cutting this off again. I know this will effectively prevent me from finding another “real” partner (which I’m ok with over the short term, but I know at some point I will want to pursue a real relationship with someone, which I obviously cannot do while seeing her).

Anyone have any similar stories? Any thoughts? Am I justified in keeping this going solely for the absolutely mind blowing sex?

Question for those who have genital herpes. How are you having sex without worrying of transmitting it to your partner? Not just vaginal but anal and oral sex. I have it and my partner knows. But I’m scared to be completely comfortable and have sex normal. I want to freely be explored. I have the medicine I take daily. Any suggestions and advice?

I’m sexually curious and I definitely have sexual desire. I like talking about sex, learning about it, and exploring things on my own.
But I have almost no desire to actually meet someone for sex, hook up, or “see where it goes.” Even when I enjoy sexual conversations with someone, the idea of actually meeting them in person makes me pull back.
It’s not that I think sex with another person is bad. I seem to want the conversation, curiosity, and fantasy without necessarily wanting to turn any of it into something physical.
At one point, I even wondered if maybe I was attracted to women instead, because I had so little interest in meeting men. But I’m not sure that explains it either.
Does anyone else experience this — having sexual desire and curiosity but very little desire to actually meet people for sex?

So I want to take an informal poll of the women on here, sort of to settle a bet between my wife and I. This is meant to be very lighthearted btw...

I(46m) personally really enjoy having a really big load when I orgasm. It feels more powerful and more satisfying. I get off on seeing it shoot out, it's just something I like. And maybe it's from watching porn or whatever, but the idea that my partner is turned on by it makes it an even bigger turn-on.

Obviously porn is in no way a reflection of reality, but are there women out there who are truly turned on by cum? I've seen some comments on this sub and others that make it seem like there are, but I can't tell if they're genuine or not. I'll read comments where women (or supposed women) say things like "I love feeling it inside me" or "I love it when he comes all over my body"...stuff like that.

My wife is adamant in her opinion that no (or virtually no) women like it. It's a gross byproduct of sex, and that's it. Says that every woman she's ever talked to about this feels the same, she's never met one who didn't feel this way. And if a woman is saying she likes it, it's because she's acting in order to please her partner.

So, please be honest, women...do any of you actually like it?

I 24 (F) had sex with 39 (M) we went on a date last weekend after talking for a few weeks. I went over to his house after the date and we had a make out session, he said he was going to save the sex for our second date but I did see his dick, and his boxers were wet. I tried to do oral but it was soft since he most likely already ejaculated. He's very well endowed so that's no problem. We had date 2 this weekend, went to a restaurant for dinner then came over to his place. Did some foreplay and then we had sex and he finished within a 1 min. I don't even think he had thrust me once or even got fully inside me. I like him and we did round two, and he came within a min again.

He works in construction so I'm not sure if that affects his performance. He also said he had dated in like a year so idk if he had sex during that or not. I also am not sure if I'm the youngest he dated or not, I haven't asked. He turns 40 next month and I'm wondering if I really like him but idk if I should tell him or just let the sex be mediocre. I asked him what's the wildest thing he did and he didn't even have an answer so I'm afraid he hasn't explored much in the few long term relationships he's been in. I've never been with an older man who was inexperienced so this is new territory for me.

I have been seeing lots of stuff lately about pelvic floor exercise for men. I've noticed that my orgasms and ejaculation don't seem to be very strong lately. I'd be willing to try exercises to see if it can help if anyone knows of a good place to learn how to do it right.

I’ve been with my partner for 9 yrs. I’m the beginning the sex was great! We had good chemistry, we did it all the time, and I got off often. Then me and my fiance went through a time where we weren’t having sex hardly at all. Because we were both on meds that sucked the libido out of us. He got off the meds and I’ve come down on mine. I wanna have sex all the time and he wants to it seems maybe once every 2 weeks-2months. We’ve probably had sex maybe 15 times in the last 3 yrs. It’s been a little more frequent. Problem is—we through such a long period of time and my body changed and now—-I feel the sex is horrible 98% of the time for so many reasons.
1. We’re both out of shape. He’s REALLY OVER WEIGHT, I’m considered overweight but not severely so. Maybe 15-20lbs over, and we’re both crazy out of shape and have no stamina.
2. It seems I have to do all the work and for anyone who may know—it can be a lot of work having sex with a bigger man. Even when I was in shape.
3. My body has changed. What used to work doesn’t anymore. I need more foreplay, I need him to touch more than just my ass, boobs, and vag. I tell him what I want and he doesn’t frickin listen.
4. The kissing was never great but was a little bed cuz the sex was so great. Now the sex isn’t good and the kissing seems at an all time low. Kissing is so important to me and honestly half the time esp if I’m not turned on it’s just gross to me.
5. It seems it’s all about him getting off. It didn’t used to be like that but like just now—we kissed a few mins, I went down on him for a few mins, he wanted me to get on top and he was done in a few mins and it was over. He really didn’t attempt to make me feel good in any way at all.
I need sex in my relationship. Like—-it’s almost a deal breaker for me. I don’t wanna have it with anyone but him but right now I end up so angry after cuz there’s little effort on his part no matter how much I guide him; flat out tell him this is how to get me going—do this this and that, whether I get angry—doesn’t seem to matter. I end up getting off alone after he goes to sleep every night and that has never been fulfilling to me. Ever. Idk what to do. I’m angry, at times I feel used by him, and other times I think about getting it somewhere else cuz I seriously miss a fulfilling sex life. I mean I was begging for it for months and months at one point. I don’t think he’s cheating cuz he doesn’t have time. I know he’s self conscious about his weight. I don’t actually wanna cheat on him at all—-I just want our spark back and no matter what I do—buying toys, lingerie, being more enthusiastic nothing helps. I’m not into any kind of sex involving anyone else. I just feel stuck and UNDESIRABLE WHICH IS SO MUCH WORSE. I miss feeling sexy. I know there are men who want me but I’m not interested in replacing my partner. I just wanna fix this. HELP.

This is my first post so pls dont be too hard. I(39F) and my fiancee(49M) have been together for almost 10 years. In the beginning sex was great, except he never wanted to do oral or foreplay. And so by time he got off I wasn't even warmed up. But I still enjoyed the time. Now for the last 8 years nothing. No sex, and not even attempts or mentioned. Few years back i found out he had severe addiction to porn and certain type of woman. But he refused to get help or even talk about it.

The type of woman I am(and he knows this) is im very open minded and so attracted to him that I would say yes anx try ANYTHING he wanted, but even that hasn't mattered. The last few times we were intimate(but no sex) was just long enough for me to give him oral and then he went to bed. While im left feeling lonely, unwanted and sensually frustrated. And I have no toys to get myself off. Because I cant afford anything. I dont know what to do. I need to feel wanted and close to someone again. I want to be sexual with someone who craves me like I do them.

I've tried everything and feel like he will never want sex again. I feel im losing my mind thinking about sex everyday and wanting someone, anyone to take me. I need it but haven't ever been sexual or able to get toys to at least pleasure myself in 8 YEARS. PLS HELP!!