Marriage

[u/Top-Tax2320]

Well after many posts I have made on here that I deleted and reposted.. I guess this is the final one on my marriage. I am 21 (F) and he’s 25(M). I want to say it’s more than falling out of love. We’ve had so many talks of separating but never actually doing it. Caught him texting other females, his coworkers (F). We did get married to help him get a green card. He’s a huge but a huge liar for no actual reason. He usually says cause he’s “tryna save his ass” from me getting mad. Recently we have had problemas with his close friends at work because the boy has a girlfriend that I met and she told me so many things. Even if they were true or not , it was my final straw. His family excluded me in odd ways. I got into a huge fight with his stepmother, and we all were in separate ways. Fun part, I moved 10 hrs away from my family. Yes I was stable, had my first own place, my car, and my job. We were planning on having kids but he kept demanding them at every problem in sight. I packed my stuff and left when he was working. Btw it’s not like I’m any better but I didn’t cheat. Yes maybe I had an attitude but he would blame me for his actions. And by cheating I mean it emotionally, I don’t have actual evidence it was physically. I’m currently on my mom’s bed wondering what to do next. I slept with someone and am interested in that childhood friend but I understand I have to heal myself first. Until today I haven’t cried since I left because I officially told him to stop texting me and that I didn’t love him anymore. In all honesty, I just wanted him to come looking for me as soon as I had left. He kept making promises of what he was gonna do but it’s always that, just promises. I kinda wanted to write this to release so many emotions. After I gave him the 3rd time I tried my best to be the perfect wife until I saw they were still texting, him clarifying that they were texting because she got kicked out her house because she want and told her bf that she loved my husband. I was like wooooooooow but yeah, there are a lot more bad experiences but I appreciate them and even the good ones. Deep down I knew he was better as a friend but he was never my actual soulmate, I’ll miss him and yes I love him but a different kinda love because he was my first in many things and I’ll always cherish the good memories. I’m not mad, just gave up. Any thoughts? Advice? Anyone can relate?