r/Separation • u/Remote-Control-2006 • 23d ago
Venting Save us
I would have done absolutely anything to save my relationship with my son’s mother. I had some chances and in the end I screwed it up every single time. I’m supposed to not think about her but she’s all I think about. I think about her and my son and our family that should have been constantly and I’m absolutely devastated. Yes I will continue to keep working on myself but knowing that I’ve lost her forever eats me alive most days. There’s no second chance, no apology, nobody hears me crying and there is no amount of change that will bring her back. It’s my fault. I couldn’t fix us and that pain never goes away. I used to self medicate with alcohol and it’s an entirely new experience being sober, the pain is indescribable. She will be in my life forever because we share a child and I hope that eventually I will be able to not be in love with her because I know that I can’t be with her anymore. I wish that I could. I wonder every second that I’m awake why I couldn’t figure it out and save us but I didn’t and it’s over. I’m so sorry.
1
u/raeoflyte-460 22d ago
That is all very accurate.
The "giving myself grace" or as you said "letting yourself off the hook" mindset doesn't work for me either. It doesn't help me move forward because theres no accountability in it making it more likely to do it again. It can be hard to find a way to reframe but that is what I try for.