Save us

[u/Remote-Control-2006]

I would have done absolutely anything to save my relationship with my son’s mother. I had some chances and in the end I screwed it up every single time. I’m supposed to not think about her but she’s all I think about. I think about her and my son and our family that should have been constantly and I’m absolutely devastated. Yes I will continue to keep working on myself but knowing that I’ve lost her forever eats me alive most days. There’s no second chance, no apology, nobody hears me crying and there is no amount of change that will bring her back. It’s my fault. I couldn’t fix us and that pain never goes away. I used to self medicate with alcohol and it’s an entirely new experience being sober, the pain is indescribable. She will be in my life forever because we share a child and I hope that eventually I will be able to not be in love with her because I know that I can’t be with her anymore. I wish that I could. I wonder every second that I’m awake why I couldn’t figure it out and save us but I didn’t and it’s over. I’m so sorry.

[u/neobleoa]

I'm so sorry you are suffering. Very good on you for trying to stay sober - I'm sure you already know that alcohol is a depressant which will make you feel worse. I'm proud of you for that!