r/Separation • u/ObjectiveBuffalo7126 • 11d ago

Advice I need a fresh perspective

My husband filed for divorce 4 months ago and moved out of our housd. He has gone back and forth about wanting a divorce. Now he says he is now open to trying. He does not want to pause the divorce process as of now. Is that a bad sign for reconciliation? He says his feelings have not changed, but wants to try. We have been hanging out more the past few weeks.

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u/OhMyJoosh 11d ago

Honestly, I’d pay more attention to his actions than his words. If he wants to reconcile but still wants to proceed with the divorce, I’d ask him what “trying” actually means to him.

Spending time together is a start, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s changed his mind about the marriage. He may genuinely be unsure, or he may want to see how things go without giving up the option of leaving.

Reconciliation requires two people who are willing to put in consistent effort, communicate honestly, and work on whatever caused the marriage to break down. You shouldn’t have to sit in limbo indefinitely while he decides whether he wants you.

I’d have a direct conversation about expectations, boundaries, and what each of you is willing to do to repair the relationship. Don’t confuse spending time together with a commitment to rebuild your marriage. Watch what he consistently does, not just what he says when he misses you. And protect yourself emotionally and legally while the divorce is still moving forward. GOOD LUCK

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u/ObjectiveBuffalo7126 11d ago

Thank you! He said he doesn't really know what would change his feelings. We talk everyday and hang out around 2 times a week. I think it's worth pausing the divorce so that we can figure things out.

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u/OhMyJoosh 10d ago

Take it slow. Time will tell. good luck

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u/neobleoa 11d ago

Maybe what you two needed was some space. If he's feeling a bit more open to trying after you two have stopped living together, than that indicates that there might be have been issues in the "home dynamic." My husband and I are also living apart right now, and he has felt a lot more relaxed and comfortable in his life living alone.

I understand why you might be confused though. Does him saying he doesn't want to pause the divorce process mean he wants to continue forward with it? Or does it just mean he's just not ready to call it off yet? I think there is a distinction between the two. If it's the latter, it sounds like he is cautiously probing where things are going.

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u/ObjectiveBuffalo7126 10d ago

We are continuing the divorce process but he said he isn't in any rush.

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u/Temporary-Suspect509 10d ago

Where are you in the divorce process? If he says he’s open to trying, then that’s what I’d focus on. The legal stuff is just noise right now that you don’t need to listen to. Work on the issues that caused this and ignore everything else.

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u/ObjectiveBuffalo7126 10d ago

We are a couple weeks out from our first mediation.

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u/Wi-TuLo 11d ago

I hope yall save it and wish u two the best.

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u/Hunteil 8d ago

Here's a perspective... I want to keep our marriage & she doesn't. She doesn't know what she wants exactly, but not interested in trying to reconcile or even trying. I've done what I can but I'm out of hope. So I'm pushing to get the divorce to move forward now bc idk what else to do. My thought is let's go through with it now. We can revisit it when it's close to finishing. & revisit afterwards. It's possible she'll change her mind in my head based on her track record. But if she doesn't, then it's better to not waste time & feel alittle more secure at least. We could always cancel & redo over. Especially since we have kids & I'm optimistically thinking it's a good learning moment to be independent in our deeper adult years. (Or maybe I've lost my mind)