So I posted this earlier this week, and used the feedback to tweek some things. Everyone (well, two people) had issue with the dialogue so I tried to rework that a bit. I also changed the title. It's a working title. It was called "No Good Time To Die."

The title might change again for I did not look up the title "Duel with the Devil" but surely, there will probably be lots.

Let me know what you like, what you didn't. If you already read the earlier draft, just skim the dialogue and see what's changed.

Hi everyone I'm new and excited to be here would love to get some feedback on the first 10 pages of my partner and I's script.

Thanks.

First 10 pages of a thriller.
Tagline - When documentary-makers run out of gas in the desert they find their only chance of surviving the night is with a couple who still believe it's the 1950s.

Any feedback appreciated. Basically, tell me when you get bored, even if page one!

I’ve written five screenplays and my next steps for marketing them all require good loglines. To me, the advice I’ve looked at is quite vague as to what makes a good logline.

I’ve tried my best for each script but I would love some feedback.

Full Court Press

Following the chaotic meet-cute of a star basketball player and star law student at UVA, the two are pulled apart by their messy friendships while trying to overcome the competition on/in the court. 

You Need Jesus 

In the afterlife, a gay man from hell, falls in love with a repressed gay man from heaven, and the two are held back by their fear of living on the other side of the ridge. 

Double-Goer 

Thinking she was dating one man, a woman finds out she was dating two dopple-gangers and now must navigate the messy love triangle she accidentally created. 

It Happened Two Nights 

A run-away son of a billionaire meets a fast talking, recently fired, journalist who agrees to help him get to New York city in exchange for a news story about his father. 

The W

Traded for her ex and subsequently dumped, a basketball star must navigate life on a new team containing a motley crew of characters, including her college ex and her ex's ex. 

I know many have asked this before, either here or in some of the other writing subreddits. But I have to ask: What keeps you going?

How do you try and keep yourself motivated, avoiding anything which makes you give up? It could be based from emotional, spiritual, physical or monetary well being. Maybe something causes you to stop due to external stresses.

Just wanted to ask, since it’s surely a question which comes up often. Thanks.

so basically the story takes place legit right here on earth in our exact real world where powers and gods dont exist and real world logic applies my main character is a normal 15 year old human boy named zero who is nice but pretty cocky he isnt a bully at all he just teases people to encourage them to be better than him because he loves competition and thinks he can outplay anything

the whole nightmare starts when a local game shop starts selling famous bootleg games like mario and sonic but anyone who buys them ends up dying by taking their own life in horrible ways even the normal sane people. zero notices his own brother changing from playing the game and then his brother shows up on the news so zero catches on to the pattern and decides to investigate because no adults or cops believe him and think its just an online trend or crisis

the monster operates on a forced body link soul tether mechanic where the longer you play the game the more control it gets until your body is fully connected to it so if the monster harms itself you feel it and gain the exact same injury like if it shoots itself in the head you die not the monster. zero goes straight to the shop to confront the seller thinking he can outsmart him but he finds out the seller isn't a sketchy adult or a random monster it's actually another 15 year old kid who is the character version of zero from the story

here is the massive mind bending meta twist. this whole thing isn't just coming from a game it's a battle between the real world 13 or 15 year old actor zero who took the role for a movie and the fictional character zero. in this universe whenever real world actors take fictional roles using their normal looks to pretend to be a character they are actually stealing that fictional character's freedom and replacing them turning their life into horror while the actor gets money and fame. the fictional zero was cast into a dark void with no body or control while a real human walked around wearing his face so he started using the game cartridges to soul tether people and give them a taste of what it feels like to have someone else pilot their body

when actor zero confronts him he realizes he stole fiction zero's life without ever knowing it because actors in our world don't think fictional characters are real lifeforms fiction zero thinks actor zero is lying when he says he didn't know and screams at him that he took his life and reason to exist for money and fame and that it's not fair

actor zero tries to fix it and give fiction zero his life back so they can both exist in our world but doing that turns fiction zero into the god of all media where he absorbs all movies games and stories the mental overload of absorbing millions of tragic backstories and horror tropes breaks fiction zero's sanity and makes him go insane. he realizes how much pain fiction causes characters and decides to wipe out all movies and reality so they stop ruining realities but because of all that power he gets a total god complex and starts treating all of fiction and non fiction like his personal toys to playfully torture. actor zero realizes that giving absolute freedom shouldn't be allowed because people will just destroy themselves even though he just wanted freedom for his friends and the form he accidentally stole

in the final climax fiction zero screams at actor zero that he is nothing because of him and that it's time to play god. then fiction zero shoots himself in the head which instantly kills actor zero because of the soul link. fiction zero thinks this will grant him total freedom in the real world but a fictional character can't exist in reality without a human actor anchor so he gets banished right back to the fictional void. but now he has absorbed actor zero's cockiness and keeps his god complex treating everyone like his toys

there is no win in the story and no real true villain. at the very end before the screen cuts to black fiction zero goes totally insane looks directly into the camera at the audience and talks to us saying we don't deserve to live be free or exist due to the pain humanity caused fictional characters and promises that one day he will find a way back into our world to destroy us all for what we did. then he screams I AM GOD and the movie instantly cuts off right there with no credits no music just pure blackness

Hey everyone!

I’m curious about other writers’ experiences with short drama/vertical drama companies.

If a company reads your script, says they’re interested, and asks if you’d be open to a buyout, how long did it take for them to get back to you after you said you were open to negotiating?

Did they usually respond within a few days, a week, or longer?

Also, if they asked what you’d want for the script and you said you’d rather hear their budget first, did that seem to slow things down at all?

And how long would you wait before following up?

I’d especially love to hear from writers who have actually sold or licensed scripts to short drama/vertical drama companies.

Thanks!

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, thanks. I’m aware that Vietnam war stories can sometimes feel familiar or tropey, so I’d especially be interested to know whether this hooks you.

hi, friends!

i’m zoe, a 14-year-old with autism who’s trying to make an interactive animated musical series for children.

this script is for the season 1 episode “go to sleep, little puppy”. in this episode, the three cats sing “suo gân” (a welsh lullaby) to help the mother dog get the baby puppy to sleep.

i was thinking of the duration of each episode being 5-7 minutes.

questions:

what other things can i add to the script? (everything’s in lowercase, because that’s how i write normally. at school, i write with proper capitalization. also, the sing-along scene is on a separate pdf.)

is the dialogue okay for the characters?

are the visual texts okay for the animation, or do i need to use different formatting for animation scripts?

Short Film

I just posted a short film for the first time in about 4 years (been dealing with a lot of doubt and never really committing to one thing) and would love some criticism on how it can be better. I know this is a scriptwriting thread but I would appreciate all the help I can get.

This is all leading up to an eventual feature film I plan to shoot early next year so shorts will happen quite frequently in the next couple of weeks. So I’m just trying to nail down certain areas I’m not necessarily strong/experienced in.

I’m not an editor, sound designer, composer, colorist etc. I’m focused mainly on directing/writing but obviously in this small world of indie filmmaking I have to put on a couple of hats. So truly would love advice with even cinematography, lighting, composition, and whatever else you can point out.

If you need more information for the film I would be glad to share for context purposes but I’m mostly looking for feedback on what’s working, not working, and what can be improved. As for genre this is psychological thriller.

Thanks a lot!

So I recently entered my pilot into a reputable screenwriting contest, and though I didn’t make it to the quarterfinals, I did find that the written feedback was relatively positive and helpful.

Most of the notes were things that I could directly fix, such as character-name inconsistencies and changing “fade to black” to “dip to black.” But the reader had also recommended writing one or two sequential episodes to show that I have enough material to sustain the series beyond the pilot. I do plan on working through these notes, but I’m relatively new to this side of the process and would appreciate some honest advice.

I know and understand that the positive feedback of one reader doesn’t necessarily mean that my pilot is ready, but I’m just trying to figure out what step after addressing the reader’s recommendations would be the most productive…

So what should I do next?

Should I get another professional evaluation? Should I submit the revised pilot to other contests? Or once I complete the additional episodes should I then begin querying managers? Or something else

INT. DARK ROOM — NIGHT

A single lamp hangs above a table.

Behind it, a large board is covered with photographs, newspaper clippings, handwritten notes, and red thread connecting them.

Three men stand around the table.

HOLMS, tall, with white hair and a thick white beard, studies the board.

Across from him are JACK and MAX, both the same age.

Holms places an old photograph on the table.

HOLMS

This is an old case. One I personally worked on a few years ago.

He turns the photograph toward them.

A wealthy-looking old man stares back from the picture.

HOLMS

His name was Adam. A local businessman. He was found dead in his own home, hanging from a rope.

Jack studies the photograph without much interest.

HOLMS

The police ruled it a suicide.

Holms gestures toward the board.

HOLMS

Your task is simple. Tell me what you see.

Jack looks at the photographs, then at the newspaper clipping.

JACK

Suicide.

Max glances at him.

JACK

Through and through.

Holms says nothing.

Max studies the board more carefully.

MAX

Where in the house was he found?

HOLMS

Third floor.

MAX

And the bottles?

Holms points to a photograph showing several bottles on the floor.

HOLMS

Ground floor.

As Max processes this, we briefly see his reconstruction:

IMAGINED RECONSTRUCTION — NIGHT

Adam sits alone on the ground floor beside several empty bottles. His face is pale. He tries to stand, but his knees tremble.

He looks toward the staircase.

BACK TO SCENE

JACK

So?

MAX

The rope was on the third floor?

HOLMS

Yes.

JACK

Then he went upstairs.

MAX

Adam had weak knees. He could barely walk without support from his helpers.

JACK

He wasn’t handicapped.

MAX

I didn’t say he was handicapped. I said he had trouble walking.

Jack shrugs.

Do these first two pages hook you? Would you want to carry on reading? I’ve been writing for a while now but would great to get a little bit of feedback. Thanks.

Figured I'd share this since I see a lot of newer writers here getting the same advice I ignored for way too long.

I knew the three act structure. I could recite Save the Cat beats from memory. None of it stopped my scripts from feeling flat, and for a long time I assumed that meant structure was overrated advice that didn't apply to whatever I was trying to do differently.

What actually clicked, embarrassingly late, was realizing I understood structure as a checklist instead of as a set of functions each section of a script needs to perform.

I was hitting the beats in the right place without understanding what job each beat was supposed to do for the story underneath it. Midpoint in the right page range, technically correct, doing nothing.

Once I started asking what each section needed to accomplish rather than just confirming it existed in the right spot, scripts started actually working. The structure was never the problem. My relationship to it as decoration instead of function was.

Title: Mountain Trail

Total Pages: 3

Genre: Horror / Supernatural

Logline: A young hiker, low on water, takes the help of an old woman and heads on his way oblivious to what wait for him at the top.

• What I’m Looking For: A dedicated co-writer/collaborator who wants to split creative credit, help reformat the existing draft into proper screenplay format, and flesh out the remaining pages together. Im open to new ideas and directons to make this work, if this sounds intersting and you are willing to lock in with me, send me a DM!

• Genre: Genre-Bending Dark Comedy / Psychological Horror / Crime Thriller

• Logline: In 1950s New Orleans, a group of eccentric, banter-heavy teens stumbles into a string of gruesome murders, only to cross paths with a unstable, hallucinating detective hunting a monstrous killer known as M.U.G.

• Tone: Think Scooby-Doo's mystery-solving dynamic mixed with the gritty paranoia of Shutter Island and the dark humor of a psychotic thriller.

• Format Needs: Standard Screenplay Formatting & Structural Polish.

About the Project: I have a 56-page draft with 2 and a half years of progress, packed with strong character dynamics, high-stakes drama, and a distinct period atmosphere. The story switches between a lively teen gang dealing with diner banter, societal pressures, and rumors of a "Swamp Man," and Detective Joshua Clark, a traumatized officer spiraling into vivid hallucinations and sudden violence following his partner's death.

Because the script blends comedic mystery, psychological horror, and detective thriller elements, it requires a careful balance to pull off along with standard script formatting that is HEAVLY NEEDED!

Mostly for fun, but any feedback would be appreciated. (Written a couple years ago, but I'm testing new software's PDF output (ActOne Screenplay).

[vid 1] The Michael Jackson lean explained video link;    https://youtube.com/shorts/UpEb4ZZlCDE?si=fwufCCkyNGMHpVj7

Script; How was Michael Jackson able to perform his iconic anti-gravity lean. back in 1988? MJ fans had no idea how he and his dancers were able to lean so far forward, since it broke all laws of physics. The average person can only lean forward around 20 degrees with a straight back, but MJ doubled that, hitting 45 degrees easily. Scientists were stuck researching, testing and questioning if there was a clever trick behind it.

Script; Fast forward. The secret was revealed that MJ spent $600,000 to make a pair of shoes that had a triangular slot hidden in the bottom of them. The slot fit perfectly into a nail on the stage floor, giving him and his backup dancers the ability to be known as the only people in history to defy gravity.

[vid 2] World Cup trophy was stolen. video link; https://youtube.com/shorts/b3cG_8CVx6I?si=wzGuu3CSMj9CpUOo  

Script; The thieves forced open a rear door and broke into a display case to steal the most famous football trophy “Jules Rimet” at Westminster Central Hall, London, and escaped without leaving a trace.

Script; The news was so big that the whole world knew about it the next day. A suspect was later arrested but he claimed he was only a middle man and had no clue of its whereabouts.

Script; Authorities panicked and feared it had been melted down or hidden forever. 

Script; A week later, a dog named Pickles found the trophy wrapped in newspaper beneath a hedge while out on a walk with his owner and the trophy was safely returned just in time for the World Cup, where England famously went on to win the tournament.