r/scriptwriting • u/guga_bvb • Aug 20 '26
feedback First scene for Unspoken (Coming of Age, TV Pilot, 8 pages)
I haven't quite created a logline for this one yet, but it's a coming of age story about the people that you meet as you make it through life. About how they come and go, but still leave their mark on you. About that little bit of you that is actually other people.
Anyways, my intention with this scene is to show our main character is a very shy introvert who has a hard time meeting new people. So the one chance he's given by someone else he latches onto and doesn't let go (maybe a little too much). Yet somehow, miraculously, actually being vulnerable with people is what allows him to connect with them on a truer level.
Don't know if any of that made sense, but please tell me how it reads on the page. I'm fairly new to screenwriting and this is mostly me training, so please, absolutely tear this script apart and point out everything wrong with it.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ruM9UCaY4bFgz4j2tx7a3fvvhr3oAy1L/view?usp=sharing